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[Caution.] Suicide in Progress

The knife
In my hand
Slicing open
Raw flesh
Blood leaking
Onto the carpet
In my bedroom
The only place
I can do this
Without being
Interrupted

I have to hurry

Before

Anyone gets

Home

I keep cutting

Down

Across

Diagonally

Every square inch

Of flesh on my arm

Has been used

For the sole purpose

Of making me bleed

Bleed enough

To finally die

I cut deeper

So deep

It looks as though

I can see the bones

Finally

I stop

Enough cutting

Has taken place

I lay on the floor

As the act of suicide

Progresses

Author notes

1, stawberry ice cream
name - u r s f o r t h e t a k i n g
Prompt:
Title - [Caution.] Suicide in Progress

A contest entry

Did you like it?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Englandgirl2008
    May 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was a brillitan write. It was dark
    Imagery/15
    Style/30
    background/30
    Prompt used/40 (I'll give you this considering you are using a prompt from another contest)
    Prewrite/10
    fresh write/0
    Total: 65

    Fave part: The knife
    In my hand
    Slicing open
    Raw flesh
    Blood leaking
    Onto the carpet
    In my bedroom
    The only place
    I can do this
    Without being
    Interrupted

    I have to hurry

    Before

    Anyone gets

    Home


  • Little-Buster gold member
    May 14

    Edit | Reply
    Youve got some great imagery in this piece.
    Keep up the great work!

    Best of luck!

    -Buster


  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    wow kinda deep the title is amazing it was like wow. thanks for entering and good luck in the contest


  • spideracer gold member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    you've done a good job here, showing how one might end it all. The mood definitely was there, and you had imagery to move the suicide along. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.

  • abmsem
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    It was very good. The pace of the poem was very panicky but slow, reflecting the mood it shows. I liked that. Thanks for the entry.


  • laimra
    May 1
    Edit | Reply
    it took time! i like it!


  • Dearly Beloved...
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    I really did enjoy this, It was very slow and took time to digest, a nice touch to the poem I like the "suicide in progress" that was my favorite line


  • redhanded
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow. XF this is great!!!!
    ahhh!!!
    you had my heart thumping...
    and my adrenaline flowing
    begging to hear more
    more more!!!!
    muahaha
    lol.
    thanks so much for your entry I loved it!
    best of luck to you in this contest and in the future
    andi
    (redhanded)

1 - 16 of 16