Watching the day grow old
with a brown bag
&
Russian symphonies over the radio
Wondering...
Where do all the pretty girls go?
On days like these
Does anyone have an answer?
Please.
I miss Ms. Lady's long legs
Escaping her skirt in my imagination
While
Gracing all the adolescent minds
& giving them
Something to dream and explode
About at night.
I just wished I could remember her name...
She was here one day,
& asked me the same
"You are a good fellow."
Would you like a drink?
"Maybe one."
Why drink one, when three will bring music to my ears?
"Music?"
The beautiful sound of zippers unzipping....ahhh and
She laughed, "Oh, you are not so good after all!"
It was two or three summers past,
When Ms. Lady came in my room.
She saw Dostoevsky, Hemingway, and Tolstoy on the shelves,
"The Sun Also Rises?"
Impressed, she took to the bed.
I instantly knew all the dirty thoughts
That ran through that beautiful head.
In the morning she left with the darkness
& took
What was left of this bum's heart
& not to mention his wine.
Author notes
seven years.
I tried to emulate Bukowski's story telling with a hint of wit and charm.
What Matters Most Is How Well You Walk Through The Fire....one of my favorite books of poetry, I fell in love with his writing over last summer while working at the pool at the local Country Club....Very underrated and probably one of my favorite writers ever...I wrote this as a tribute piece, to chinaski...Charles Bukowski
for contest...
SILVER TROPHY WINNER
I WANT TO WIN
Round 2 Silver entry
- End of the Night group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Charles Bukowski's Children by Budart.
550 points, ended May 9, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Story time by hyper thing.
400 points, ended June 27, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES THAT HAVE WON BRONZE OR SILVER ONLY by liquidmindforever.
400 points, ended May 31, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUND II PREWRITES FOR BRONZE & SILVER TROPHY FINALISTS ONLY by liquidmindforever.
500 points, ended June 14, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite conest by serenity silvermoon.
1500 points, ended June 12, 429 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
650 points, ended August 15, 460 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
any suggestions?
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
-
fuck yeah.
-
Very good job with this piece!
Nicely done, good imagery and flow here.
Bravo
♥kate -
fuck man. no way
-
-
ha thanks
-
-
MINT
-
entered & legal
Welcome to Round 2
Best wishes
until then
stay
liquid -
Rules
Dear Poet,
you've omitted placing your name with the AN'S in round 2. Please do so and IM with title and contest name, then you'll be legal.
Best wishes
until then
stay
liquid -
-
uh oh rules rules rules rules rules!!!
-
-
Nicely done. I enjoyed this poem. Dostoyevsky is one of my favorite authorts. Hemingway is very good too.
Mike
-
Watching the day grow old
with a brown bag
&
miss Ms. Lady's long legs
Escaping her skirt in my imagination
In the morning she left with the darkness
& took
What was left of this bum's heart
& not to mention his wine
The one suggestion I'd make is: omit the "&" after
"this bum's heart" place elipses followed by ..."not
to mention his wine."
Dear Poet
Thank you for entering my contest: PREWRITES FOR BRONZE & SILVER TROPHY WINNERS
Wishing you the best in life
and in the contest
stay
liquid
finalist -
Nice job on this...you deserved the silver trophy on this! You are the man!
-
aweomse write. the emotion behind it is amazing.
-
this is really good keep on pening and good luck in my contest
-
a very well written piece that definately was well deserving of a silver
well done -
-
thank you, even though I shoulda won gold!!! ahahaha j/k but thank you!
-
-
Love it
Loved this, very original. I love the entire first stanza but I have to agree that the line breaks are distracting. I definitely felt like you painted a clear picture with this poem though. Can't wait to read more!
-
gorgeous =)
the imagery of that first stanza is amazing. my only suggestion is to go over your line breaks one more time. sometimes they feel choppy, but otherwise they work just fine.
good write. -
FANTASTIC!!!!! wonderfull
a great read and an awesome tribute,,, thanks for sharing you talent with me/us,,, -
this is wonderful.
-
-
thank you
-
-
i dont know what happened!!! i woke up and read 2 bukowski inspired poems one after the other...
what a GREAT write. you have that say it like it is flair. loved reading this. made me smile. off to another of yours....
-
I seriously think that this was amazing.This poem dances along the readers thoughts and begs to provoke them....Such beautiful words you have penned here. I do hope to read more from such a wonderful artist.
♥ -Sel
-
This is a real gem of a poem
bravo
-
Buk is the best
I see inspiration from many of his poems in here. You take his mindset and make it your own. This was really just an amazing piece, one that Buk himself I'm sure would applaud.
Jeanette*~
-
A wonderful author...Charles Bukowski...I am not familiar
but with wild and fun poetry such as this...
obviously a must read!
It was a joy to read your poem!
well done
cleverly written flawless flow!
way to write!
ears/Seattle
-
I felt so sure seconds before the end that she had taken the books lol.
What an inspired poem, liked it a lot. L10/16 are pure joy.
Your conversational style makes for wonderful flowing diction. particularly in the second stanza.
A first class poem, pleased she din't take your "books".
Thanks for your talented artistry.
-
Wow i love this!
-
i like how raw this is.
its a very good write.
youre very talented.
-
Bukowski is an amazing poet, and this is an amazing poem.
I can't think of anything else I can say which isn't a synonym for amazing.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
♥ sinnocence
-
Although I have never heard of Charles Bukowski, I appreciated the style and storyline within this piece.
It was deliciously naughty, and yet maintained a poetic appeal.
-
wow. this is great. bukowski would be proud to have inspired a piece like this.
the flow and rhythm were perfect. good job.
-
-
thank you!!!
-
-
Interesting. I've never heard of Charles Bukowski before. I like the last line. And really funny!
-
-
oh you should read him, hes great.
-
-
omg this is an adorable peice, funny enough i am off to buy the same book tomorrow!! a poet on this site whos work i adore speaks of him to me and i googled bukowski and now i am hooked, i love to learn new things and it is an honour to be gaining knowledge on an amazingly under rated poet such as bukowski,
your pom deserves a gold, its great and flows so well, the imagery is fantastic and you tell the story effortlesly, very well done, oh how i long to write like this. x
-
this is a very good peom! i like how you show your emotions for ths girl....keep up the good work
-
I've read this a few times no, and each time it gets better. Like other comments have said you nailed it on the last line.. when she took the wine. Great tribute to a writer I have grown very fond of!
Jo
-
great job....bukowski is one of the greatest without a doubt. i love your tribute piece to him. well done. i will read some more of your stuff for sure
-
Like the last line. We must keep our priorities in order even in the face of love.
Thanks for the submission. Good luck.
Allan -
Wow this is a really good write you have here, wonderfully written and a pleasure to read.
*hiug*
-
wow. i love this. i especially like the way it ends. taking the wine.
this poems appeals to me even more so since i love those russian authors mentioned in the poem.
one little suggesstion i have for an easier read, and flow to be accomplished would be decide if you are going to capitalize the beginning o every line, or the beginning of every sentence, or the beginning ov every stanza. but conscious capitalization is important. or none at all. . since you dont really have reliable punctuation in this poem i would just leave it all out. or just use periods.
also the quotation marks should be used properly or not at all..
anyway. love your style.
ciao
~Love -
I like the drift and tone of this piece. It is coherent and sings from the experience not the cogitation.
I think, (dangerous area) that what needs looking at are what I call after thoughts. The most notable the last two lines. The wine is an afterthought, not as important as the woman. For and alcholic, the wine is more important or at least as important. "She took the heart and the wine/and what was left of this bum's will." My thoughts. equal to opinions and assholes.
good use of form and style. Just not quite as in your face, I don't give and eff what you think, as Bukowski is to me. But again just my opinion.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
I love Bukowski, this holds a nice candle to the great man.
-
-
thank you
-
-
I like the clean straight-edges of your poem (a tribute to Bukowski, for sure) and the images you've used to tell your story. There are a few grammatical issues here (check capitalizations, quotation marks, and grammar in the first line of the second stanza), and I think that fixing them would make the poem a little easier to read. I enjoyed this very much.
-
-
thank you, I appreciate the input and it was fixed a little Im glad you enjoyed it.
-
-
lol... i liked this one. i don't know why but it made me think of a school substitue teacher... lol.
-
Hmmmmmmm!
This is kind of perverse and awkward. I guess that what a dirty mind and a pen will get you! Lmao! I enjoyed the piece in made me laugh a bit and sometimes a good laugh is what I need.
-
-
Yeah its a ode to Charles Bukowski...that was kinda his writing style but thank you im glad it made you laugh
-
-
I like the dirty, gritty, rawness of this write.
In short, this is a fantastic! (:
-
-
Thank you...I really really appreciate this lol ive had the absolute worse case of writer's block lately and its nice to think to hear that, it makes me believe I can still write
-
-
No problem. Writer's block is the absolute worst, but hasn't shown up whatsoever in this write. You can definitely still write! (:
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 52 of 52
