When safety tests were signed but not performed
The foolishness could hardly be denied
When plans were made but rashly cast aside
The citadels of luck were being stormed
The night shift clearly should have been informed
Or better still the schedule been delayed
The culture led to errors being made
The citadels of luck were being stormed
Disaster struck and more misfortune swarmed
The firemen died to try to save the day
The bravest men are often thrown away
The citadels of luck were being stormed
When safety tests were signed but not performed
The citadels of luck were being stormed
In a list
A contest entry
- Chernobyl anniversary - poems needed for live show. by Vera Rich.
1500 points, ended May 5, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me honestly what you think, good or bad.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I can see what 'boards means here. Your echo sonnets are clever, but I think the subject needs something a little more robust to address it.
Bunnies for the expertise, nonetheless.
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Nah, just didn't work for me this one, Jeff, maybe i'm just not a fan of Echo sonnets, I don't know but i've seen much better from you.
Floorboards. -
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I agree with you and Mairi as it happens, this didn't say what I wanted but I didn't want to write a long ballad. I hope to revisit the topic and the contest shortly
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Thanks for taking my comment as well as you did, with hindsight I had a bit of a cheek as I had no suggestions of my own. I just hate all this wow, awesome, rubbish everyone says, regardless of the poem's quality, I think it's best to be honest, anyway good luck with the revision, and the contest.
Alex. -
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This one will be staying, but I have a more serious piece half written. I am always grateful for honest opinions
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"The citadels of luck were being stormed"
Fantastic repeating line! I think this is one of the better Echo Sonnets I have read.
Love,
Amera♥
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A very hard hitting piece that has bought the horror of that time back into my mind.
A terrific echo sonnet with a deadly message.
All the best
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