.
Outside there is a polar bear
my sister said to me
She says she saw it clambering
a macaroni tree
And her, a nosy parker
wandered up to it and said
Why is it, that you’re hiding?
the polar bear turned red
Between the strings of pasta
said, I’m fearful for my life
My wife is looking for me
and she has a butchers knife
Last night while playing snooker
with a couple of his mates
He had just one to many
of the liquor made from dates
Seems he has this manly problem
of a bladder that is weak
And half a dozen times each night
gets up to take a leak
Being, somewhat bleary eyed
he swears he did not know
The trouble it would cause him
just by peeing in the snow
The snow his wife collected
and was saving for a drink
That needed to be melted
so she’d put it in the sink
His wife, a Jackass penguin
was now searching high and low
With a knife to cut his goolies off
for pissing in the snow
Ok you cleaver dickeys
who will notice a mistake
I know about their habitat
but give a guy a break
Bears live in the north pole
and penguins in the south
So do not take to literal
what’s coming from my mouth
Don’t be a party pooper
and rob me of my glory
Relax, enjoy, remember
this is just a fucking story
..
Author notes
..
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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I got such an image of a jackass penguin in my mind.
...obviously murderous critters. The one thing I notice, Pen, is that from beginning to end, drinking can be very detrimental.
too funny!
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Fantastic
Such humor. My morning has started out great thanks to you. Great pic.
great flow, and great rhyme. Who cares whether the location is right. You made it right. I just see the penguin coming after him with the knife. Kudos for a job well done.
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Oh my. I wasn't quite expecting that ending from you my friend. but it did not deter the laugh at all. Excellent.
~Pamela 
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Hood-Wink!
You have a wonderful sense of humour that would be amazing if more people in the world could have a similar one
♥
Apologies on the late Hood-Wink!
Stay safe
~Manda
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lol aww I liked this
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Lol
It's great to come and read this after writing something such as mine. Laughter is the best medicine, and I thank you for this one. The flow is perfect and the rhyme is fantastic.
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lol there may be something wrong with yellow snow but there is nothing wrong with the humour in this poem/story, which gave me a good chuckle this afternoon
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This poem was just hilarious and i don't think i care where they came from, it was just superb. I love the picture and also the one i see in my head. That big brave bear hiding from a penguin...that is so cute! You definately have a wacky sense of humour and that is why we all love you and your poems. Keep up the great work.
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hahaha...oh dear...leave it to the great Legend
to write a poem that is a delight as well as a treat
for the reader! Enjoyed it!
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I am all for mixed marriages. I bet they served up them goolies all coolies. A fab fun frolic here Legend, your immense talent is on show again....oo matron.
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one should never go in the snow, especiall don't write your name-- they will check your hand writting
This is being caught with ones pants down...mac
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OHEMGEE hahahahaha
this was great lol -
WATCH THE LANGUANGE NEXT TIME LEGEND!!!!
but it was soooooooo funny -
this poem is so funny
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L.O.L.
OH MY GOD..FUNNY!! i got snot coming from nose, spitting out water from my mouth..cause i was crazy enough to be trying to drink while reading this!! l.o.l. wow you always make me happy that i came to your page, always got something to crack me up which always a good thing with me!! excellent and hill-air-eee-us!!!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Relaxing, enjoying and remembering your incredibly incredible tale of frozen yellow!
LMAO and my pants are falling down!
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The pen has written well, my friend. Who cares about the animal mix... what a good laugh I had with this. Keep the ink flowing. Love and hugs...
~Donna~
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My oh my!
As far as peeing in the snow
That’s where I learned to write
But moved to number eight pencil
For much too cold at night
We all should really know by now
Steer clear of yellow snow
It seems to me your wife’s at fault
A stupid old black crow
It best next time you go outside
Not right to pee in sink
But that does bring up a problem
It causes your pen to shrink
As far as drinking with your mates
It is a bears first right
She’s just upset she has no friends
Her knickers much too tight
You probably should stay in tree
Until you head for work
For when you bring the paycheck home
She won’t think you’re a jerk
Pencil
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Just the laugh I needed packed full of the quality I've come to expect from you. Wonderful write!
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LOL, This is so much fun. That's why I live in South Florida to keep away from drunk Polar Bears! I was totally shocked at your potty mouth in the last line.
Love,
Amera♥
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I see the pen's up to old tricks
and put a penguin in the mix,
a polar bear I understand
thank God, it wasn't in the sand,
'cos then the pair would be off track
and never find their own way back,
north or south it makes no odds
they're just a couple of likely sods!
Thank you for a very welcome chuckle.
Sue x
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I always love ur pieces they are so fun and funny!!!! This is so wonderful and brought a smile to my face. I love ur details and descriptions and ur flow!!! Well written!!!!!!!!!!! This is incredible!!!! I love it!!!!!
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omg lmao
I am so glad I came here this morning lol
I was feeling down and I knew where to stop to get a lift ....Oh my side is hurting ....
This is hilarious....I think I can go on with my day now ty my friend
Lynda
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The pen is friends with polar bears
And you I bet were unawares
He writes of mixed up North and South
And also he's a potty mouth!
Great stuff though
Jeff
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A Polar Bear stuck up a tree,
sounds pretty feasible to me.
But a Jackass Penguin with a knife,
surely couldn't be his wife.
This story's left me quite bemused,
to say the least I'm quite confused.
But what the heck it made me smile,
It seems the Pen's developed style.
Excellent my dear friend, terrific write. Beats taking the prosac...mal
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LMAO! Hilarious my friend! What a wonderful sense of humor you have and share~
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LMAO!!! I enjoyed this so much. You have wonderful humor in this poem. Thank you for sharing your talent.
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