Hindsight takes on a stronger tone
when its all you can clearly see
Treated like a child in a so-called home
With my final plans laid out for me
My dreams shift from things to come
to memories of past and regret
My life touched by those I've known
but so few left to be met
They speak to me too loud and slow
long forgotten yet not quite gone
I have lost more knowledge than they know
but I'm left alone to ponder on
Long ago, in another life
I had a dream, a home, a wife
All alone I sit and wait
for the clock to seal my fate.
A contest entry
- Empty Pockets Contest For New Members by catz.
4500 points, ended May 12, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Questions/comments please?
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
-
This is another really great poem your themes are so realatable!
-
Many resurrections within one lifetime
Long ago, in another life
I had a dream, a home, a wife
All alone I sit and wait
for the clock to seal my fate.
This final stanza speaks of the futility of man
to change his destiny. It rings of hopelessness
and resignation.
The previous stanzas describe the small yet
significant resurrections throughout one lifetime.
Keep the ink flowing
meanwhile
stay
liquid
-
BEAUTIFULLY done and anyone can relate. I really really love this. You are a beautiful writer and I'm so impressed. Very nicely done. I really really love this.
-
I've read this four times...each time the first stanza has a larger impact..It is wrought with futility and retrospetive yearning. The last stanza follows a different rhyme pattern..whether intentional or not, I think it works well.
-
Beautifully sad, it makes me think of someone looking out the window into the rain and reflecting on their life. Good write.
-
Ohhh... this is heart-wrenching.
You leave me speechless with such profound words...
Incredible, but I hope not true to life.
-
Great write! Not quite what i was looking for though...Thanks for entering my contest and good luck
!
-
I visit my mother in a dementia hospital unit. I see the people you describe here, in your poem, every time. They make me as sad as your poem does.
Well expressed, sombre.
-
-
Ive spent time in there too, not a happy place. Sorry about your mother. Thank you for the comment.
-
-
I really enjoed this, well done. In the end we go back to the begining! We lose so much not only people but the memories we have of them, there like a shadow we carry wit us Very good!
-
The picture I have...
Is an old guy, in a home, surrounded by people, but very alone, with only his thoughts left to either comfort him or remind him of his loneliness.
Even the ones he knows that still visit..."They speak to me too loud and slow"
Maybe that's not the picture you wanted to paint. But I've read this 3 times now and the picture doesn't change, it only becomes more clear.
good write here poet.
-
-
Hey, I appreciate the read- Im glad you enjoyed it.
-
-
Such a deeply thoughtful poem. I often wonder if we take the time to think as you have here.
Excellent piece.
Best wishes with this
Gaylene
-
great last stanza
very good imagery on this poem, the last stanza finishes it off in a beautiful way. -
Nice work, the lyircal nature of this poem flows wonderfully, and the pondering aspect it leaves in the mind. The age old woe of man's race against the clock portrayed gracefully, I feel the hunger for something more.
-
you have pulled together so many relatable things... plans laid out for you, dreams shifting, and people yet to meet. we all have to wait on that stupid clock.
nice write and the flow was wonderful
-
This is really beautiful..
Your words flow so nicely and it all just pieces together perfectly. This would make a great song
-
Wonderfully Penned
Darling you capture stark raw emotions very effectively this work not only illustrates ones pain but you have developed this piece very well indeed the thoughts of regret which are so prevalent throughout. I love the cadence of this work it only adds to the strength of your poem. Mayhap in this life we remember and correct was has yet to transpire here wrongs from our past life. Then mayhap we live over and over until we get it right…if that is the case I am but an infant in this vast universe…Lovely penned work darling very thought provoking my heartfelt thank you for such a wonderful piece.
Lady E
-
deep and very highly emotional. excellent, excellent write. life flashes by are eyes so fast. the ending is the truth
-
A deep and sad piece. It's that depth and sadness which experess' the feelings projected in this well written poem.
Thank you for entering
Dee
-
very good this one is deep and sad very well done
-
it would appear that you are getting some great feedback on this piece...that has got to feel good...
I also think this is a strong write...there are elements that I feel are almost universal for most anyone who is alive and breathing...
keep up the great work..peace to you always in all ways...
-KP -
amazing...wow, this is an emotional, lovely piece of art
-
DAMN..
this is deep, hits hard in a very somber way..but it's seriously well penned..another solid write my friend.
-
Poet
And time does wait for no one. I sit here & try not to looked at the clock for it goes faster. But I do like your style and thoughts. Happy writing.
-
I get what you're saying in this poem. Very true and you seem to always put your raw emotions on the line. Great write and really good imagery. The lines flowed and the words went together like harmony.
-
it doesnt matter if you are young or old when it comes to raw emotions. We all love, hurt, grow. All ages, even children, know what it is like to be cast aside and misunderstood ( real or imagined). The only difference age brings difference is how one deals with their pain. Anyway, I really like your poem. Is it refering to ghosts or past lifes? Or maybe a neglected childhood? I think I may interput it different each time I read it. Thank you.
-
splendid show of talent created here with your poem, it delights and surprises this particular reader and makes me want to smile for the rest of this fine sunny day, perhaps i shall do exactly that, yes i think i shall. romance dances in the eye of love as ribbons of pleasure swirl. thank you kindly for sharing and enjoy the rest of your day.
a wonderful show of talent here which grabs the reader and sparkles them into smiles of pleasure, admiration drips like butter from toast as i sit here and dream of poetry.
a wondrous dark piece of poetry penned that shatters the angles of sighs, pain and anguish ruffle the mind as the spirit slips into agony's vortex.
-
I detect some raw talent here. Too much time is spent on resentments and regrets of the past and fear of the future, that we too often miss out on... "Life" which happens in the here and now!! Listen to your moral conscience while you follow your heart and the past and the future will melt away to a level they belong in.
Peace
Bill
-
Im young but i feel like i understand you its ok to cry.
-
-
Hey, Im also young- well somewhat lol.
-
-
This strikes me as a pretty fatalistic poem, one of emotional depth, and good, easy-going rhyme. It is interesting the "escape" of the "other life"... almost counter-intuitive to what most of us might do in a similar predicament. Very interesting. Really enjoyed reading this!
-
Very good write, keep it up.
-
Welcome to Allpoetry
A very introspective piece. Though you seem a little too young to have had a wife and family long ago. I don't know if this is a personal piece or just a character you are writing about. But it is clear that this person is full of regret and sorrow. That memories are eating away at him. Nicely done.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy
site Greeter -
Sounds like feelings of deja'vu or reincarnation. This is well written and absorbing.
-
Ouch... painful! Well written, and well done.
God bless!
-
Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. Imagery; rhythm, and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
-
good
l liked it.conveys lots of pain and emtion,good work!
-
Aww so sad and full of your heart... Keep up the good work.
Love,
Stacy
Adding your comment:
1 - 39 of 39
