Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

RIver

You make me come. to you
my curves are but a hinderance
tumble with me. wash me clean
I will imagine that you can love
my every inch. screaming for mercy
for warmth
that final sweetness

I get out and towel off

it is too cold for for swimming

Author notes

to go with a picture, an emotion, a memory, a conversation

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • reesexthexsoldier
    April 26, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    good but lacks flow

    I really like this but it lacks the flow to be extraordinary. maybe play with the sentence structure. And btw it's not really erotic...

    I love the last line! That is beautiful and kind of brings a little organization to the choas tht is the rest of the poem.


    Bravo and kudos to you!

    The Famous Reese Bailey


  • MysteriousWhisper
    April 26, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    The beginning sort of hits pretty hard. I mean like maybe start it out differently. It seems a bit choppy and disorganized. you might like to spread it out over more lines and add more to make better transitions. But the images are very very good! I hope that was the kind of constructive criticism you were looking for!