It's been a long time (only a month) but I'm here now
That should be all that matters.
What's new, you ask?
I'll say nothing, and I'll mean it.
That's me being honest too.
I'm still stuck in the same limbo I was before
The same tango (or tangle)
The same mambo (jumbo)
I'm still Juliet
I'm still backwards and running away,
still drinking my wine from a coffee mug.
My life still feels like a dream, sometimes a nightmare
And I still don't love myself
And the battle of my mind still rages on.
So why am I here now?
A question I ask casually now, but that I've heard asked seriously
one too many times
And yet still my answer remains
I don't know.
Same as with everything else in life.
I still don't know what I'm doing
Where I'm going
or even who I am
I don't make decisions, because
I either can't or I won't.
Don't know the answer to that one either.
Wherever I am, I get nowhere
Look at the past year and a half
Yep, it's still me
A year and a half older, but still right where you left me
and definitely none the wiser.
Tried "everything" it seems
But I'm still just as stuck.
Only problem is...
Part of me doesn't want to get un-stuck.
Author notes
FML.
Life is still everything. I still love and am loved. I still have everything I need.
And for some reason, Britney Spears pops into my head. Specifically,
"She's so lucky, she's a star, but she cry cry cries in her lonely heart, thinking...if there's nothing missing in my life then why do these tears come at night?"
Comments
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omg.
i feel this. i am living this. i love you for writing this.
i don't have words to describe how this hit home with me. you are a gift.
awesome, sweetheart.
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Nothing seems to matter...when your heart cries out...especially if your mind is tired too...
But yes...you are loved...no matter what...through all the bullshit...you're still loved...
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