It's time to foresee.
Whats happening to me.
For no one knows.
What I say goes.
For my toes ache.
My fingers shake.
All I see is the dark.
Coming as quick as a shark.
I see my life is ending.
But that's just me.
Like a friend request pending.
Now it's time to foresee.
I open my eyes.
To a new world I see.
It feels warm where i lay.
I can hear all the way to the highway.
I feel my power.
Becoming better by the hour.
I look to see who is with me.
To find out I'm being towered.
Three guys in a with long jacket.
Look with disbelieved eyes.
They see my as a pet.
Like gambling a bet.
For the don't know my power.
I build up my strength.
To find myself in a hour.
Up in some clouds.
An angel walks to me.
My eyes start to water as i see.
I was dead.
It was just in my head.
The End
like?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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"like a friend request pending" sounds very original. I liked that.
I would drop the first two stanzas and start it at stanza three.
I was frustrated at the inconsistancy of the rhyme scheme. You may just want to stick with abcc, if you like a couplet finish, but need some wiggle room in the first two lines.
I didn't like the ending. I was more interested in seeing a vivid series of dream images after you mentioned the highway. Maybe make the afterlife dreamworld and your new powers preferable to living and have the speaker decide to stay here rather than cry about not being able to go back. -
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I'll try and take yur advice thanks
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this is awesome
sumtime si just wonder how u pplz coem up wif this gr8 suff keep it up
kandixoxoxoxoxo
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thanks
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interesting. i agree with the comment below me the ending is much stronger than the beginging but overall it was enoyable
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thanks
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I like this one
The ending is uber great
Youve got a real talent
Keep it up
xoxoxo -
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thank you
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Quite the enigmatic poem, but I dig the rhyming.
I guess a lot of dreams are strange and somewhat random like this though.
-cheers
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