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Clay Song

Missing image

Be breathless 

and pour me

out of this empty reed.

Distort me into meaning

outside of this meaningless.

 

Within the periphery

of your touch

I become a yearning again,
kneaded into my need;

an opacity within light.

 

Thrown~

on this spinning rendezvous...
where whet meets wet,

our tangled breaths fill

the vacancy of rhythm.

 

I whirl on toes of ecstasy,

your familiar fingers 

rephrase me

into a new clay song...

 

this restless soliloquy of us.

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

inder

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    July 7

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    Powerful!!

    Ditto on all Nicolette had to say... Well done, Poet!!
    Peace,
    Cyn


  • Nickelspring gold member
    June 29

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my! What a pleasure to read! I love this. If I tried to pick out a favorite part, I would end up copying the whole piece...
    Just Beautiful.

    K


  • LadyElbereth
    May 23

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    Excellent Write

    There is a tender beauty that seems to unfold as I partake of your work your lines captivate ones that have me in awe, Darling you do Neruda proud for this seems so familiar a beautiful work one I will come back to every now and again my heartfelt thank you for this most exquisite work.

    Lady E


  • Night Hope gold member
    May 11

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    I think this is a great example of Neruda's passion, melancholic sensuality & tonality, inder. He would be pleased with your words of tribute, methinks. Good work, Poet.





  • Nicolette gold member
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    This is lovely poetry, inder, and you’ve really made the contest prompt of clay your own, shaped the clay of words to speak in your own unique voice. I really loved these lines:

    “your familiar fingers
    rephrase me
    into a new clay song”

    Beautiful! On reading this poem I did see and hear and feel something of Neruda’s voice. Here and there I think you could change a line or a word or two to make it even more Neruda-like (you also don’t need to put words in inverted commas), e.g.

    ”I want you to be breathless:
    Pour me out of this empty reed.
    Distort me into meaning
    outside of the meaningless”.

    I told someone in this contest that I adore the use of the word “reed” in poetry – and here you have it too . You’ve shown that you are familiar with poetic device as well. I really enjoyed this poem and what it made me feel. Thank you for this well-shaped entry.

    ~ Nicolette

1 - 5 of 5