Swept far and away by gales
in a rising sea of despair
time and again hope is run aground
I set my torn sails to your heart
only to find anger
Your thoughts shrouded
by ambitions
Leaving our love torn asunder
in silent thunder
your reasons echo
as lightning that strikes out then fades
drowning all fond memories
Then all is a quiet storm
where passions end
and we are lost
on distant shores
and the crying of seagulls
A contest entry
- Thunder & Lightning by RedAquarius.
1000 points, ended April 30, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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It's nice, rather sad and gray toned like a stormy sky. But it doesn't stand out - it's too gray. Try using stronger words, creating some imagery. This is a good base to work up from.
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i changed it somewhat
I hope its less gray now ... -
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Nice, this time I feel more sentimental when I read it
I connected more!
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