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[The music of the night lessens the pain of eternity]

It's one am,
I'm lying here, still
[Drowning in my blood]

Body wracked with pains,
Nature has her way,
[Choking me on tears]

Full moon rises,
From the black of night,
[Still no hope of a dawn]

Can't move.
Can't breathe.

I must endure,
I am strong,
I survive

Even unto the end of eternity,
Though I tear at the seams,
And lose everything I am.

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Beating gold member
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    The piece is very well worded, and the imagery is very good. Drowning in blood is probably a bit of a cliche. The rest felt strong and original, and I liked it. Good job!

  • Hmmm.......I see no right way to comment on this poem. It isnt Bad don't get me wrong I like it but I can't really say anyhting about it. But that it's a really good poem.
    Thanks for the entry.
    ~kathryn~