Maudlin Sighs

I forgot what it was like,
I forgot how sweet it was;
this pain, this ache,
this gnawing in the pit
of my stomach;
how my insides dance
when i replay in my mind
how you stared into my eyes
from above me.
Helpless, defenseless against
the flow of the tide;
I knew the second I looked up
at your face it was over.
I had fallen in.
There was no fight in me,
no will to fight.
How you touched my face
when you kissed me goodbye;
how I smiled and dug
my nails into the steering wheel.

I forgot, I forgot
the urge to pen
stupid, emo love poems;
to have someone possess
my thoughts so thoroughly;
to feel elation from a smile
from across the room;
for someone's presence
to make my heart jump. . .

I scoff at these lines,
this vomit of words
unplanned, unrefined, uncut.
Where is my cynicism?
Where is that skepticism
that has kept me safe from this?
The bitter sarcasm
I've thrived on,
gone like a night's dream,
and I'm back
to the little girl
with flowing hair and far-off eyes
finding meaning
in cheesy 80's rock songs
blaring from the jukebox
at the bar.

I want to slap myself.
You call this poetry?
What am I thinking?
And where is my mind?
Cruel Irony, why
have I lost my foolish heart
to a drunken musician;
another motherless child;
another wandering soul?
Fool, your love
has never saved anyone.