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Searching for Dana

Yeah, there she was standing,
Smiling, emitting a radiance of evanescence
And conjuring endless possibilities of a summer gone bad.

We’re all tricked into believing fairy tales,
Our minds locked into autopilot,
Hoping that the throttle will disengage
And act on a whim of presumptuous rage.

This epic exploration was prolonging no longer,
As the nonpareil laid before my eyes,
Like a splendid sculpture juxtaposing,
To a place in the skies.

Yet each day the mine field extenuated its stretch
Across a barren land of forgotten sand,
Like an anesthetic appendage veiled beneath a hail of contraband.

And when distance cast its callous grin,
A film projector reminisced again.
Words echoed through a cognitive cave
And at times impaled all thinking that was slightly depraved.

Hope was never lost
But put on a pedestal for all to see,
And when all else failed death seemed like a possible contingency.

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • aanika
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    you obviously didn't read the rules of my contest. i said it was for my favourites and people who have me on their favourites. you fit into neither category and so i am going to remove your poem from my contest.


  • Enrinye
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    It is a very well penned write with great usage of vocabulary and flowing ...

    but I somehow feel that it was written just to 'look good' with many special terms but with no 'back story' or emotional reference...

    so, I'm a bit torn about it...

    still it is a nice write
    keep up the good work!
    take care,
    Suza


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    "Yet each day the mine field extenuated its stretch
    Across a barren land of forgotten sand,
    Like an anesthetic appendage veiled beneath a hail of contraband.

    And when distance cast its callous grin,
    A film projector reminisced again.
    Words echoed through a cognitive cave
    And at times impaled all thinking that was slightly depraved.

    Hope was never lost
    But put on a pedestal for all to see,
    And when all else failed death seemed like a possible contingency."


    These three stanza's held me in their powerful grip. I really like them a lot. You did a good job on the write. Thank you for sharing this.


  • Guerrero
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    interesting. i like it alot. We’re all tricked into believing fairy tales,
    Our minds locked into autopilot,
    Hoping that the throttle will disengage
    And act on a whim of presumptuous rage.

    easily my favorite part


  • poetry is soul
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    your word choice in here was really good. and you used juxtapose, which is an added bonus cuz its one of my favorite words. lol. but really, this was well written, and i really liked it. good job!


  • PaintedParisPassion
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    Oh man, this is really really really well written! The wording is astounding! I loved the vocab, very spiffy . Thanks for entering this and good luck! Keep writing!

    -B


    • Duce
      May 14
      Edit | Reply
      glad u liked it. Its probably the last poem I'll ever write.


  • Samantha Marie
    May 4
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful write,
    Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • girlinthedark
    April 26
    Edit | Reply
    i loved it..
    the wording really sets the tone amazing.
    very awesome wright.. many kudos


  • fanaa
    April 24
    Edit | Reply
    its well written .. sad and meaningful
    We’re all tricked into believing fairy tales,
    Our minds locked into autopilot,
    Hoping that the throttle will disengage

    i think we've all had that one we've always waited for... =*(
    And act on a whim of presumptuous rage.


  • NickBlaze
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    I fear I did not like the rhyme and felt it detracted from the decent sense of abstraction. No lines were particularly bothersome otherwise; metaphors were good, though imagery was a bit lacking as were other literary devices, such as assonance, alliteration, and the like.

    The flow was good, but the flow seemed somewhat paradoxical to the overall theme. Generally, the more "boxed in" a person's mind is, the more it follows predetermined structures (like poetic rhyming).


  • EndlessNameless
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    WOW. this is so AMAZING. the whole write just blows me away, the words you use, the flow, it's just PERFECT.

1 - 12 of 12