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You are my heart

between each scream
your lust devoured me
I couldn't cope nor run


trapped between
fantasies and darkness
I tried holding on


But the silver knife shined
and those fantasies
made it seem sweet


so to bring myself at ease
I would cut
sometimes the pain wasn't deep
I wanted to escape


nothing worked

if only I could leave this place
and go elsewhere
everything would be fine


throwing pills in my mouth
I tried


stomach aching
tremendous pain
but I was still stuck


and your lust clouded dreams


slowly I slipped away
fading into a depression
death could only save me


everyone just used me


almost at the end of the rope
you saved me


you are my world
your light shined down
overpowering the darkness


so now I am learning how to love
and be myself
only because of you and our friendship

Author notes

When I was young I went through hard times, and when I got older it stayed with me. I had a non cancerous tumor removed and before the tumor was removed people stopped talking to me and treated me bad because I was in so much pain all of the time I wanted to be left alone. I started cutting when I was young and when I got older It was hard for me to stop.
I no longer cut now. That's because of Maatkara here on AP.
She has been here for me whenever I need someone to talk with. I can count on her. She won't judge me. For the first time I have a real friend that won't leave my side. They say all of the bad things with the net but don't mention a lot of good that's on the net. Without her I would still be stuck and cutting my pain away.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • perfectsunset gold member
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what a beautifully
    inspiring piece..
    And the ending holds
    so much optimism.

    Loved this, very well
    conveyed in emotion.

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • sanmdr
    May 6

    Edit | Reply
    Friendship is love in the noblest form.. and you got someone to hold through your tough times...
    now burdens will shift and leave you ...
    in a lighter and happier scene..
    poem was great..with lucid expression of emotions..


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    So full of emotion and depth of feeling...
    A fine write, my dear friend
    Wishing you light and love along your journey!
    Sandy


  • maralisa silver member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    aw this is a wonderful write so full of depth and feeling a fantastic dedication to a fantastic poet on ap good luck in the contestmaralisa


  • sorries
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    nothing to do with your write really, except that I know what pain is. I don't deal well with physical or emotional pain. Maybe it's cutting, but I've been trying to off myself since the age of 16. Various things; razors ... pills....brandy, pills and a broken bic all at once. Seems there is never any good news any more. Pain ... I want to know joy but it is never there any more. I'm happy that you'ove found someone.

1 - 5 of 5