From your gentle hands
true love was molded.
You turned this clay
into life - it breathes
because of you.
We are part of
the earth
sharing a bond
that will never break.
We stretch far and wide
enveloping all
and sharing the
gift we received.
The boundless
fruits, delicacies.
Flowing rivers
an elixir.
We will never
want for more
we are love
we are life
created from the
earth, knowing
together,
we are one.
Author notes
75 words and first attempt at this style. Thank you for hosting this. I enjoyed this one.
PROMPT:
- the two Neruda poems and/or the picture,
PLUS built around the metaphor/theme of earth and/or clay
A contest entry
- you are my dark familiar clay by Nicolette.
6000 points, ended May 11, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Reading your author’s note again made me realize what the true value of a poetry contest is: to go beyond the self, to risk, to explore, to try something new; therefore I’m so very happy to see this entry by you – that’s the spirit! I’ve also noticed that you’ve commented on quite a few of the other entries. Thank you for that
Now back to the poem, lol. I really liked the tender voice, the way the poem makes the reader part of the “oneness” you wrote about. It’s one of those poems that just makes the eyes go all soft. Really lovely and romantic poetry – sigh poetry! You’ve also applied the contest prompt well.
I did not really found Neruda’s style or voice but for a first attempt you did very well. And it’s about love – and Neruda loved writing about love too! A few slight changes here and there will improve the poetic quality and give the poem more of a Neruda-feel, e.g.:
“From your gentle hands
true love was molded.
You turned this clay
into life - it breathes
because of you.”
But, I really liked this. The gentle voice of love in poetry always speaks to me – as this poem did! Thank you so much for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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Nicolette, I want to thank you for such a wonderful critique and the helpfulness you gave me. I have changed what you mentioned. I think it sounds much better and thank you for that as well. It was such a joy to try this and I am experiencing more as I go on here. Love is always a great subject to work with. Thank you for hosting and keep writing poet. seamaiden
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Beautiful
There is nothing like the feel of forever love. Poet you have penned such a beautiful piece so much so that I am jealous of your pen and honoured to read such wonder We are molded by love the wonderful contours, shades that gift us sharing this is indeed cherished love my heartfelt thank you for this most beauteous piece.
Lady E
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Lady E, I want to thank you for such a wonderful response to my words. Being my first attempt at this style I wasn't sure how it would turn out. I was very happy to be a part of this. Thank you also for the applauses which believe me, I do feel your words meant the most to me. You are a wonderful poet and I will have to read more of your work. Write on poet. seamaiden
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Neruda still & always inspires so many of us, it seems. Nic will enjoy this penning, I'm sure. True love does, indeed, mold us all. I've recently married my own true love & have evolved completely, far beyond anything I ever imagined. I'm pleased you understand this, too...Good luck in the contest, Poet.
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Thank you so much for your praise here at my first attempt of this style and the applauses to go along with it. When I read the contest it sounded so interesting that I had to try this challenge. I'm very happy that you enjoyed it and thank you for your best wishes also. seamaiden
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