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Could We?

I wonder if we could make a fire,

walk together along this quiet path,
gather moonlit brush and logs to stack
in anticipating pyre?

Might we find two anxious stones,
displaced from natural resting place
by harsh wind or watery rush,
and let them feel the heat of friction--
two bodies pressed
and laid in spark upon a bed of birch tinder?

And when the flames begin to dance delight,
to penetrate, to scatter night,
'til pleasure glows on every grain of supple skin,
will you look at me, straight in the eyes,
and hold me there?

Do not answer me that spring wood
is still too wet or that good kindling sticks
are sparse,
but understand this shiver in my heart,
know it how you know your own--
dare to feel me,

choose to warm me.













Author notes

Host instructions: "Springtime sensuality--Let's do it soft."

Prompt: See contest page

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20
  • Macsword
    July 31

    Edit | Reply

    Woosh!

    This is a remarkable image you've painted poet. Very lovely. Thank you for this contest entry.
    Please do not respond to this comment until the contest is judged.


  • islekine gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply

    Simply sensational!

    So soft and sensual...well penned!
    write on and on...


  • This is amazing, I'm so impressed with your poem.
    It shines with soft sensual thought.
    Thank you for sharing your poetic heart.
    Be blessed in all you do.

    Tony

  • "Might we find two anxious stones,
    displaced from natural resting place
    by harsh wind or watery rush,
    and let them feel the heat of friction--
    two bodies pressed
    and laid in spark upon a bed of birch tinder?"


    This stanza stood out for me. I use to have this and I use to feel this but no more am I able to. Wishes are a great thing Dreams are fleeting but this stanza stands alone.

    Thank you for sharing this


  • Dalaney gold member
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    "And when the flames begin to dance delight,
    to penetrate, to scatter night,
    'til pleasure glows on every grain of supple skin,
    will you look at me, straight in the eyes,
    and hold me there?"

    wow.

    this is a very fine piece of poetry, my friend.

    love, lane

  • You always write the most elegant sensual poetry. The feeling of loving and being loved are evident in every word. Communing in front of a fire never sounded so wonderful.

    Never one to let a moment pass, you encourage your love to seize the day, leave excuses to someone else, and just be. It is a sentiment I heartily approve.

    Grammatically there should be a semi-colon instead of a question mark after fire because "walk together ..." is not a complete sentence. Othewise this is flawless. Good luck in this contest. Peace and hugs, Liz


  • PurpleSky
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    this has a nice sentiment to it but the flow seemed off to me and made it a little difficult to read. All that aside I love the meaning and heart behined this. thanks for sharing.
    huggles
    Lena


  • Kendal Palmer gold member
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    alrighty then!! who wouldn't line up after that fine invitation? great poem. glad I clicked. thanks for sharing. keep up the great work. peace to you always in all ways...
    -KP


  • venomoustoad
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    I Really liked this. It's one of those thats worth more than one read.The use of metaphor is dead on and your imagery put me in that place.


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    "...will you look at me, straight in the eyes,
    and hold me there?"

    This may be the heart of it all,
    for the direct gaze cannot be denied...

    Yes, sensuous and briliant, indeed.

    M-C



  • Treasure 5 gold member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a wonderful write you have here, wonderfully written and it was a pleasure to read.


  • Nicolette gold member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    This is so lovely. What a wonderful, softly sensual write this is. Your words took me along, made me see and experience every nuance of this poem. Who could say no to the warmth of this invitation? Loved it.

    ~ Nicolette


  • campanaro silver member
    April 24

    Edit | Reply

    Stunning simply stunning!!!!!!!

    I think I ran out of Gold stars and bravos and
    bows....
    Beautiful and touching.
    Thank you very much for this.
    The very best to you in the contest.
    Love Peace
    campanaro

  • Ahh once again you have penned a poem of such beauty. 'Tis truly amazing and I will always love your writing
    Gaylene


  • Swangrnv gold member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    mmmm..

    yeah, and soft you DID IT..wow, i feel like i should 'whisper' my excitement.. loved this!!


  • donnz
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    Ifonlies

    a beautiful sensous sentiment
    If only a woman could have expressed that to me
    I would have found all the skills necessary to comply.


  • Mirthryl
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent look at female/male communications, and both explicit and implicit messages, and sublte inferences.

    "Could we make a fire?" could reasonably be responded to with "spring wood is still too wet...good kindling sticks are sparse." But that was not entirely [or even centrally] what was being asked...

    Very nice allusion, "two anxious stones." Lovely "when the flames begin to dance delight, to penetrate, to scatter night."
    Enjoyable write.


  • Peteskid gold member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    well, this has the sensual elements of spring, of all the seasons the natural one for this idea, when nature unwinds and prepares for bloom...you have caught this so well, rich verses full of imagery that brings the outdoors to the inner feelings... beautiful poetry...PK


  • poet2angels gold member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is gentle, beautiful and filled with soft questions of romance

    "And when the flames begin to dance delight,
    to penetrate, to scatter night,
    'til pleasure glows on every grain of supple skin,
    will you look at me, straight in the eyes,
    and hold me there?"

    Sigh, so lovely this one is...Adding to my favorites

    Lynda


  • kaibab silver member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    God I just love the fresh roll in new of woods...and the shine of eyes that makes a heaven...beautiful

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