~
Suddenly
you are a bright awakening -
the Sahel in monsoon without clouds.
I am not desolate
when your surge
ripples the lowlands
with leaping slurry.
You gladden my sand banks
with curl of brow;
spark a jubilee among the swales.
The scent of slake sends
your naked legs
to me as sparked gazelles.
Life is afoot. Look.
The ground rumbles, love,
with rumors of wet reunion.
Because my land
waves dark with dappled delight,
the acacia sings, naps and widens.
Your spirited fingers slow to seep as
supple alluvial fans
saturate the root.
Am I in you?
Are you in me?
I see every feather of wing,
every heady contour.
I see it now.
There is not one artery
that does not pulse
with your wine.
You shape ‘we’.
Every sharpened leaf
and the swollen breast of you,
yes, you love,
one baptism,
one salvation.
~
Author notes
(145 words)
PROMPT:
- the two Neruda poems and/or the picture,
PLUS built around the metaphor/theme of earth and/or clay
The Sahel is defined by its climate, on the margin between the high rainfall areas of the west African coast - southern Nigeria, for example - and the arid zone of the Sahara. When the seasonal monsoons come in the southern regions it fills the sunny, largely arid regions of the North and all the animals and birds flood back into the area.
At the tips of the flow out into the extremities of the driest Sahel, the water mixes with the dry, parched, soil producing a slurry of mud - this resembles what is known in the potter's trade as "slip", the semi-liquid base from which (molded) pottery is made.
In a list
- A List: Sensual & Romantic Nonsense (by other AP writers) • next in list
- My Favorite AP Poets • next in list
- Love • next in list
A contest entry
- you are my dark familiar clay by Nicolette.
6000 points, ended May 11, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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OMG! Superb poetry!
Well deserving of Silver and more.
"I see it now. / There is not one artery / now / that does not pulse / with your wine." : such a heady draught of words this is! I think I will wish to drink often at this well.
Beautiful, Paul. I am seduced.
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Thank you so much Misha for taking the time to stop by, read and comment.
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Absolutely stunning in its Neruda-ness! I loved this
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I too prefer the sensual instead of the erotic (peeked in on one of your latest contests) - always have. I don't think I've ever penned more fluidly to a contest than this one.
Thank you Allyce for taking the time to read and comment.
Paul -
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Just saw this on the She Walks In Beauty topic. This poems gets even better with every read. Just beautiful! You should definitely enter mine and Nicolette's contest
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2450131
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Paul this is really an excellent entry - love how carefully you select you words - such a rich vocabulary. Well done!
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Thank you, Heath, for stopping by to read and comment. I can see that you enjoyed this contest as much as I did.
Paul
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Congratulations on your silver, Paul. By the way, it's NE~ruda. 
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Thank you! I guess you can tell I'm a NARuda newby! lol I've gotten into a bad habit of misspelling his name! Arrg!
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Spectacular poetry!!! Congrats!
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Thank you so much YD for taking the time to stop, read and so kindly comment.
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Well Paul, you’ve definitely created a poem that feels and looks and sounds very much like Neruda’s poetry! I am so pleased to see how you’ve made his voice your own – you have really risen to the occasion and I’m delighted to find such a beautiful poem in my contest - and with an African touch!
Reading this poem makes me wonder why you don’t write love poetry more often?? There are so many lines in this poem that I adore, especially this one: “There is not one artery now that does not pulse with your wine.” – now that is VERY Neruda! Really wonderful application and continuity of metaphor/theme here too – a poem that is earthy and sensual yet soft and romantic at the same time.
Here and there I think you could have changed words or phrases around and perhaps also change line breaks and sentence construction, e.g.:
“Life is afoot. Look. The ground rumbles
with rumors of wet reunion, love.
My land waves dark with dappled delight,
the acacia sings, it naps and widens.”
I really liked this poem – a contender, for sure! Thank you so much for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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Nicolette I want to thank you once again for hosting this contest and for the nice trophy. This learning experience has been so gratifying for me. Thanks, too ,for your careful observations and I agree with you about the line breaks and arrangement. I tend to write vertically and I need to watch that. No excuse, but one of the reasons that I did it here is that when one reads a Neruda, I don't think it should be rushed. Each line of his is a small delicacy to be savored.
I thought you might be interested in the notes I took as I studied the unique characteristics of Pablo's poetry:
1. point out the subtleties
2. repeating phrases is okay
3. infer
4. occasionally pause to say “, love,”
5. redundancy is okay (oh I already said that
)
6. compress time
7. use self awareness
8. frequent nature metaphor
I certainly look forward to your next Neruda contest.
Paul -
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I can see you did your homework on Neruda, Paul. Yes, I agree with all the characteristics you've mentioned above. Perhaps I can add to those his use of "simple" language and unexpected metaphors and phrasing - and yes, of course, his use of nature as metaphor.
Happy that you enjoyed this contest and his poetry. I have 5 of his poetry books and simply adore his poetry
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Awesome, dear man.
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You are too kind.
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"Am I in you? Are you in me?
I see every feather of wing,
every heady contour. "
Very Neruda. loved this stanza. I will say this is probably one of the best poems I have read by you. You, sir, are blossoming. Thank you for sharing this one with me. A pleasure to have read and enjoyed this evening.
Thank you. ~Pamela
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I thank you Pam. This is high praise coming from one of the premier free verse writers on this site. Pablo thanks you.
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Stunning...
Stacy
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Thank you so much Stacy for stopping by to read and comment so affirmatively.
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Speechless Cowboy!
It just keeps getting better. WOW!!! WOOOWWW!!!
I am positive that this is your best so far. Awesome
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Awwww Thank you Patsy. You're so sweet to leave such a nice comment. I did enjoy every moment creating this.
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Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What an elegant way of presenting this topic for this particular contest!!! You took simplicity and made it into divine poetry that made my mind wonder into the beautiful imagery you created. Thanks for sending me the link to this beauty of a poem from you ...I like this style you are dabbling into!!!!~~~~Toni~~~
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You are so kind Toni. I have been so enthralled with Pablo's technique.
If you'd like to read more of Neruda he's in the OldPoetry sister site:
http://oldpoetry.com/oauthor/show/Pablo_Neruda
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Inspired!
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Thank you Marcy.
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Put quite simply, this is just beautiful, Poet. Nic will adore this piece, I'm sure. A tender, poignant penning, inspired by the Master. Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you so much for coming by to linger and deposit your kind words.
Paul
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you need to write more like this....this is absolutely beautiful, excellent poetry. this contest is sure drawing some amazing poems from the males here at allpoetry.
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Thanks Tara, I think I've found another style to switch to when I need one. What a study in simplicity, time compression, and pin-point expression Pablo is.
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one of the most lovely poems I have ever read by you.
Lane
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And this was one of the most enjoyable contests I've been in. I've had a lot of time to delve into that fat little South American's style. He deftly plays with words like a kitten plays with a new mouse.
Thank you for stopping by Lane.
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Wow. There is some fantastic alliteration here. Loved the word 'slurry'. lol. yum.
Excellent entry for Nicolettes contest, I've been trying to think of something for this clay theme, but keep coming up with mud. sigh.
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Spent all day yesterday (since I'm waiting for work) studying Neruda and his style and character. Each line one of his poems is a hors d'oeuvre (y'know the party bites w/toothpicks lol) I bet if you keep think hard you could come up with something
to connect mud with love
...oh yeah, us guys want to see that!
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