You
were the swell of tide
that bore me to that haven
where suns burned brazen thoughts,
and moons quelled passion's promise.
You were the perfume of musk
that trickled into secret valleys
opening the passage to Nirvana.
You were the Cicada
who sang such lullabies
to still the fear,
that nothing was eternal.
And even in the tempest's thrall
you stilled the doubts
that rose like phantoms
from the grave of yesterday.
Now below this lone Acacia tree
I feel your kiss on my nape,
and the sigh I hear,
like the softest prayer
tells me you'll wait,
till my span of life is shattered shards,
to be reborn
amongst eternal stars.
In a list
- AP - Some poems of my favorite poets • next in list
- Beautiful Words by Beautiful People I Know • next in list
- My Favorite AP Poets • next in list
A contest entry
- you are my dark familiar clay by Nicolette.
6000 points, ended May 11, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Poems (Great Points) by Tqop.
1000 points, ended July 23, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thanks for your entry.
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Lovely poetry, deep and meaningful – and definitely Neruda-like And of course I noticed the Acacia tree – so much part of Africa…! There is a gentle nostalgia in this poem that moved something inside me too. Neruda’s poetry also carries a certain nostalgia or melancholy within it and you’ve done well to capture that quality in your own voice. Yes, the title is perfect for this poem speaks of a love that is always present – even in absence.
Here and there I felt that a sentence lacked some pronouns and ‘filler words”, e.g. “the”. I, for one, appreciate tight writing but Neruda seemed to like those words, lol. I was also wondering about the comma after “you” in the first line? My suggestion for the last stanza (a few slight changes)
:
“Now below this lone Acacia tree
I feel your kiss on (my) nape.
The sigh I hear,
like (the) softest prayer,
tells me you'll wait
till (the) span of life is shattered (to) shards
to be reborn amongst eternal stars.”
Of course this is your poem. I liked it very much – therefore I “played” with it! A very good entry – thank you so much.
~ Nicolette
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This romantically exquisite piece has all that the topic asks for and then some. Combining the elements of sea waves molding of the sands as metaphor of living soul and flesh. And reminders of sacred moments in simple fractions of time that are indenting in permanence eternal.Beautiful poetry!
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Beautiful!
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awesome you are a master of emotions put to words
that drawn you into each line leaving you breathless for more.
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Incredibly beautiful. Such vivid descriptive word choices. And now he [though I'm not sure who "he" is], will be with the world always, through your words. You never cease to amaze me.
Write On!
jIM
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Ohhh, this is incredibly deep & lovely, dear Scribe. Neruda must surely be glowing in his eternal sleep, from such a wonderful tribute. I'm quite sure he is ever so pleased, knowing his amazing words still move us all so often & so well. Good luck in Nic's contest, Sweetie. 
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