Spring leaves emerge from
Nothingness, unfurl, and play
Fresh notes on spiraling winds;
Later slight bones, wrapped
In crimson, will rattle new
Refrains to winter’s ripeness.
A contest entry
- Sedoka Poetry by HerbalGoat.
525 points, ended April 24, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Ah. Beautiful Perspective ...
and interweaving of seasons here. Also interesting is the reference to winter's "ripeness" ... a refrain of the fruit of spring.
Textured work -- well done, Micol.
Love
Myra
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Just lovely. Essence of spring in my part of the country: the last of the snow has finally slipped away, pushed by the snowdrops and bleeding hearts. Lita
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We don't have the snowdrops, but our bleeding hearts are blooming profusely, set among tulips and hyacinths. It's really been extraordinary this year. Thanks for your comments on the poem. Mich appreciated. Micol
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I particularly like the first line in the second verse. The frailness is beautifully displayed in the first verse even as it heralds the beginning of strength. The line I like also heralds back to the winter and how it remembles death. We are reborn in all our emptiness in the second verse. So strongly that winter's ripeness almost feels redundant. "rattle new" also plays nicely with the theme and how much we have to fill with all that is new. enjoyed this immensely.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Good to hear from you. And many thanks for the comments. It's always nice to hear when someone responds as much to the poetry (to structure and form) as to image. The lines you mention were particularly satisfying and stood up under multiple attempts at revision--so I guess they do what I wanted. Best, Micol
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I think people respond to the whole whether they know it or not. What creates that whole takes understanding technique, style, form, structure and various nuances from the interactions of the parts. Like a fine wine, no matter how sensitive the taste buds all the languages within the wine become apparent to different tasters. Some love the wine but are only able to say they like the taste. I cannot diminish them for their delight is a gift.
At the same time, every artist I know (particularly, the defensive ones) wants people to recognize the nuances, the subtilties. We are so attuned to our work and we want, need, others to show they are as well. This is the reason I take time on my reviews enough to show some sensitivity in understanding. I try to demonstrate what I want in return. (See, totally sefishly motivated
) I guess, I believe that the only way to create the world you want is to model it.
I run on here. This is a very important subject to me. Obviously. I hope it has not been to boring to read. To me a good critical review is not a study in negativity, but an exploration of what brought pleasure.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Great job!
I like this piece. It holds the essence of spring nicely.
Just be aware of punctuation use when you are limited by syllable count because sometimes it messages with the flow and pace of the piece. -
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Thanks for your comment on the poem. The punctuation was, however, necessitated by both meaning and grammar, and at the same time give the lines the whirling effect of erratic spring- and winter-time winds. Any breaks in flow and pacing were intentional. But thanks again for taking the time to think about the piece.
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Excellent
Every line perfectly precise and musical - adds so much meaning to the thoughts. Worth reading several times, though it looks simple at first. Yes, you unfurl some fresh notes here
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Words so elegant!
I've missed that masterly touch. Where've you been hiding, micol?
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It's nice to hear from you. I've been on a new medication for some months now, which has helped tremendously but has the unwanted side effect of limiting my ability to work with poetry, either in writing or in talking about it. I've been concentrating on several book projects, just dropping in on AP now and again to see what is happening. Thanks for asking. And for your much-welcomed comment. Best,
Micol
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You tap into the child-like wonder of the reader with this allowing the small questions to emerge: How does a tree do that? Magic. Nice.
Paul
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