I'm tired of painting your picture,
decorating you in lace.
I've let go of your crosshatched lies
and the hue of your embrace.
I'm tired of drawing our memories
chalk dust left on my fingers.
I've let go of redundantly sketching
the stale pain that always lingers.
I'm tired of writing empty poetry
that screams your name in the wind.
I've let go of the words on these pages,
our pent up love has come unpinned.
Author notes
The song I chose for the contest was "That's What You Get." My poem is about letting go of someone that I loved for so long, and gave up everything for. I let my heart win over my brain, and I knew better. I kept going back. And I interpreted the song to be about the same, it's obvious that their heart won over common sense.
A contest entry
- xx.Feelings.xx by moonlite.lea.
900 points, ended May 1, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prompts by YouWillBeLoved.
800 points, ended June 29, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Prewrite contest :) by Ami.
550 points, ended July 7, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Enigmatic Rounds-PREWRITES- Round 1 by MysteriousWhisper.
400 points, ended July 24, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In search of more favorites. by Antebellum.
600 points, ended July 19, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - She wrote love on his broken heart. by Fallen Under Light.
400 points, ended July 23, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Quickie by wandyway.
400 points, ended August 16, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Helena- MCR by MelissahhMidnite.
955 points, ended August 18, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do I make this better? CC welcome.
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Wow, this piece is jam-packed with beautiful imagery right from the beginning ~
"I'm tired of painting your picture,
decorating you in lace.
I've let go of your crosshatched lies
and the hue of your embrace."
That 'crosshatched lies' is fantastic. Makes me think of lies so re-enforced by other lies that even one as thin as thread becomes strong.
A liberating story in one sense, wonderfully told. Thank you for entering, and good luck!
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nice work
I like your poem alot and wish you luck in the contest. I think that we write about the pain over and over again to make it not so rough on our souls or mind. Very good write with nice flow.
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Great Job.
Finals. Good Luck.
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the first and last stanzas are my favorite.
thanks for taking the time to enter,
good luck. -
yes
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That's what you get
When you let your heart win
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh!!
Love that song, and I like this poem. This poem has a lot of power and emotion without overdoing it.
And that's why you get a yes -
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Thank you!
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wow. I love the title and how it fits in with this.
"I'm tired of painting your picture,
decorating you in lace.
I've let go of your crosshatched lies
and the hue of your embrace."
This is my favorite part.
amazing write. -
That was deep in turmoil and sadness. I could sense the hesitant and resistant pain of ending it. I would add a lil more in the middle but overall that was brilliant
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Wow I really like this . I loved the last stanza
Thanks for entering and good luck -♥Amy♥
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yay!
Wow. The incorporation of art forms is AMAZING. i never wouldve thought of that. I can totally relate, friend, and thank you for entering
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I liked it. I loved the lines "I've let go of your crosshatched lies" and "I'm tired of writing empty poetry that screams your name in the wind."
I think its great and I could really relate to what you were saying. Good job
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I think you picked a good title actually. I also like the part about the chalk dust left on your fingers. Very original. It sounds like you're making a good fresh start
Love,
Stacy
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this is a really wonderful write!
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i love it simply amazing. it is a bit off but very very good so maybe you should keep it this way. great write keep up the good work.
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How?
How can I critique something so enjoyable to read? You've a special talent young one.
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Oh this is amazing, I love how you used art in the poem; it makes it easier to relate to. I do agree that the flow seems a bit off, but at the moment I can't really say what it is, but I still think that regardless its a wonderful poem.
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I think its speeks in volume
The Final Shade Of Blue
New verses
if you would like to use them
So as each day the color dimmes with time,
so turns a lighter shade of blue.
A feeling of where love once thrived,
now seems void of you.
I stand proud from this day on,
understanding it isn't me.
For to love you was lost through ignorance shown,
but I still have the love for me.
Colors are vibrant within my soul,
only memories of you has become pale you know.
For love can only be shared which you denied,
thuse the color blue now faded to white.
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omygosh this is amazing. the way you worded it, how it flowed, the vocabulary in it. i am speechless. amazing job.
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It's awesome. I love the emotion coming from it and I also love the rhythm. Good luck!
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I loved this, truely. amazing.
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this is gorgeous, truly...i love it
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I like "Art" in your title as well as the drawing-related metaphors. While I like the final stanza as is, I think the poem might be stronger if you followed the metaphor through to the end. I like the "crosshatched lies" and "redundantly sketching / the stale pain that always lingers."
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Actually i think the flow is right on, And the rhyme is well done. And the title suits it perfectly.
The only thing I might change would be line 2 stanza 1.
"I'm tired of painting your picture,
decorating you in lace."
To something like this:
"I'm tired of painting your picture,"
brush strokes capturing your face
Other then that, I really like the concept and structure.
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Amazing
This is so perfect for me, I am so glad you decided to share because this is where I am right now as we speack I wrote a piece Called "Hello (An Introduction)" take a gander at that and you will see what I mean, put those two together and who needs a damn man! I really really enjoyed this it is so perfect! Great job and good luck in the contest!
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wow this is good this is the only thing i have read by you and it took me by surprise you did a great job
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wow this is really really good
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i have two minor suggestions that may help with flow. line 8 does not need 'and' and line line 12 intead of 'all' you could use 'our.' subtle but saying our makes it more personal. i really liked the rhyme and the presentation of this.
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I Loved it , I dont really think you need to change anything .
Although, while reading:
I'm tired of writing you poetry
that screams your name in the wind.
I've let go of our underlying meaning,
all pent up love has come unpinned.
I thought of maybe:
I'm tired of writing meaningless poetry
that screams your name in the wind.
But that's just me, I loved it anyway Great Write
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very impressive write here! and so aptly titled. the last line is my favorite.....wonderfully said! best of luck in the contest. a wonderful write!
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