I back out
Inch by
Inch.
This bright yellow cab could never catch
My racing denial.
From my fear and grief.
I collect dust, fear and dreams, but now
I race, weaving through traffic.
Denial is at my heels but I am in too deep
To see.
What I have done to my
Self.
And those I turn my back to
As I speed ahead.
A contest entry
- Supernovae [this is...] by Asabouros..
715 points, ended April 22, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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this is such a great poem.
i must agree with camus in that i don't think you should expand it.
it leaves the reader wondering, and it coul be interpreted in so many different ways.
well done,
bianca melody.
xx
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I do not agree with the idea that you ought to expand your reasons for running away or your denial - it is more intriguing to imply than to disclose fully. I interpreted it to mean that you are in self-denial and that you fear your isolation - cleverly conveyed by isolating "self" from "my". The line about collecting dust, fear and dreams is profound and arresting. I think you have talent as well as an interesting mind. Are you an existentialist ? Hope so, lol. Tony x
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hmm....good work
it's nice but u might wanna specify why u're running away and from what,apart from that it conveys good intense emotion!
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Hmmm....sounds strangely familiar to what PurpleSky said... V V V
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this is interesting but im not sure I understand exactly what your running from. Anyways thanks for sharing this in the feature box.
Lena -
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You have a good point. Though there are multiple things I am 'running from'...I ought to make it more clear here...
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good luck on your journeys...
we run but we cannot outrun ourselves, our fears, or the damage our actions cause...
but sometimes the running is enough to keep one sane just a little longer...
should,
"Denial is at my heals but I am in too deep,"
read
"Denial is at my *heels* but I am in too deep?"
good luck in the contest
peace
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And those I turn my back to
As I speed ahead.
-this poem creates such a striking image of face paced escaping, and i feel that ending really enhances the mood -
compelling...confusing
are you
first trying to "catch" "denial" "racing" away from you
or are you
being chased and not wanting to be caught by "denial" (at your heels)
I would like to read this with understanding. I like the wording and I think everything fits, but I am just confused and maybe missing the point entirely.
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This poem has a raw real everyday tone. It is full of imagery that makes each word sizzle in it's use. It is also very concise which is the type of poetry I enjoy most.
The tone is guiltridden or full of shame, which ever.
One recommendation is to go through the punctuation. This is TRUE freeform so I do understand that you can do whatever you like, but there are at least three occasion where periods are grammatically correct AND don't seem to do anything in flow control that would add to the affect of the poem.
Nonetheless, I liked this poem a great deal, thanks for sharing and good luck.
Jim
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