Joy in silence, Grief out loud.
Withering within, mirrored facade abound
Comfort in subtle darkness, fear in familiar setting round.
Everything alive yet frozen in time
A brush, a fleeting touch, memories tapped then choked off.
Yearning heart, left to rouse itself through sable cloak.
Power held, truth kept from sight;
Evil crouch in soul of greatest good,
Shall you Succumb?
Or..
Find,
Your,
Deliverance,
In its sweet, sweet Embrace.
Yin to Yang
Balance in one, til tipped scale.
Then more of the shrouding enigma,
Comfort in poisoned illusion.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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....the flip?
This is a jumble of wonderful imagery, that's mashed together in a nearly nonsensical mosaic.
I've read it a number of times now, and still only have the vaguest hint of clarity as to what's going on here.
So I look to author notes ( which there are none ) and the comments to see what might clarify things. And it seems like no one else has a clue either.
You start off with a great lead in, and at first I think to myself "oh this is going to be really cool, maybe it's going to have two contrasting ideas flowing against each other as he goes down"
And you kind of did that in the first stanza! And it was pretty cool, I dig it. And that idea shows up a couple of times in the rest of the poem, but I think for the most part you lost it after the first stanza.
Like in the second stanza you kind of allude to it in the first line "Everything alive, yet frozen in time" sort of hinting at perhaps life versus death, but it's more coupled together here, it's blended like a vegetative state, or a coma.
Third stanza is similar with the first line---kind of but not. Again it's more of a blend. But then at the end you go back to the obvious opposition with the yin and yang.
I feel like you have a lovely smattering of imagery, but since you sort of transition over from the opposing theme to the more blended and coupling theme, and then back to the opposition, your meaning becomes lost at least on me.
So basically, I like the imagery, but it could be retooled a little.
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i liked it didnt realy get it but i truely enjoyed reading it
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aight. my honest opinon...
i think this is saying a lot of words with not a lot of feeling. it's the equivant of a stroll through hot topic. the mall tee shirt, you get me?
i think you have passion, but you're tryin to hard to fit into a certain category whether you mean to or not. and this is only my opinon and my thoughts suck.
chloe jayn. -
Very profound. I must be too pizza faced to understand it because it just kept slipping away. Remind me to read it when I'm not full and Pepsied up. Please and Thank you.
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O.O its amazing
its very good, the title fits with the poem completely, i like the emotions that are expressed, for they are expressed perfectly, ill try to read somemore before i sleep, but i love this, it was perfectly made to complement evil, insted of good, this is the second time ive heard that happen and it always comes out better, very dark, but great emotion, your truely amazing, i want more :3
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Awesome write!
I really liked the way this made me feel. As if something deep within my chest begins to weigh more and more and starts to spin in a slow, enchanting way. My favorite stanza's are the first, last, third and second...hehe...ok I lied I love the whole thing!
"Everything alive yet frozen in time
A brush, a fleeting touch, memories tapped then choked off." ~ and straight to my bookmarks!
Great Job!!
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I love the falling words in the second to last stanza, very interesting! ^-^
You use some really good adjectives and words tied together in this, makes for an enjoyable read!
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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