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Quality Time (Pantoum Form)

Missing image
Digging for clams on the beach
on a glorious sun drenched day
this prize within my reach
with the clams I have my way.

On a glorious sun drenched day
I watch my daughter chase a gull
with the clams I have my way
amist the crashing waves that lull.

I watch my daughter chase a gull
on her face a silly grin
amist crashing waves that lull
I’m at peace and free of sin.

On her faced a silly grin
she's a light to match the sun
I’m at peace and free of sin
When I'm with my little one.

She's a light to match the sun

the prize within my reach

when I'm with my little one

digging for clams on the beach.

Author notes

http://schtickemup.deviantart.com/art/Chasing-the-dream-94497792

 

http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/pantoum.html

 

Prompt: Pantoum Form (In The Color Yellow)

The sunshine and my daughter,

are the metaphor's for the color yellow.

 

Line 1

Line 2

Line 3

Line 4

Line 5 (repeat of line 2)

Line 6

Line 7 (repeat of line 4)

Line 8

 

Continue with as many stanzas as you wish, but the ending stanza then repeats the second and fourth lines of the previous stanza (as its first and third lines), and also repeats the third line of the first stanza, as its second line, and the first line of the first stanza as its fourth. So the first line of the poem is also the last.

Last stanza:

Line 2 of previous stanza
Line 3 of first stanza
Line 4 of previous stanza
Line 1 of first stanza

B l u e s M a n

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • KnightOfTheRose gold member
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice, I've seen the Pantoum form around the site before but I've never learned it myself...I like it. Thank you for taking the time to enter. Excellent work and best of luck to you in my contest.



    -Steve-


  • Antebellum
    August 3
    Edit | Reply
    I love the rhmye here. it flows smoothly.
    Really like the last bit.
    good luck in your contest.


  • rinzurajan
    July 25
    Edit | Reply
    a cute fun poem...

    thanks for teaching me pantoum...
    wanted to learn it from a long time...

    good luck



  • dutch2lips gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply

    i am not at home in sonnets nor form & shape poetry, all i know is what i read and feel,

    in your poem, i felt the sunshine in your daughter and the joy you have just watching her

    thank you for entering


  • Antebellum
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering && Good luck

    [if you end up a finalist I'll leave a more detailed comment]


  • redbarchettadrive gold member
    July 2
    Edit | Reply
    Great write! Good luck!


  • Diminished Capacity gold member
    June 26
    Edit | Reply
    This is the first time I have ever seen anything written like this. Excellent rhyme and imagery, and the fact that you repeated the lines the way that you did. Very interesting and beautiful.

    My favorite lines...

    On her faced a silly grin
    she's a light to match the sun
    I’m at peace and free of sin
    When I'm with my little one.

    Thank you so much for entering.


  • CentrifugalCorpse
    June 26

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent rhyme, and though I'm not a fan of prose, I enjoyed this poem. There don't seem to be any flaws in this poem, so... great job!

    Pen on.

    Thanks for sharing & entering.

    New plague


  • pain is love.
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the rhyme and the joy that came through the poem warmed my heart. I can see the beach and the clams. If only I were truly there in the sun. Great write. Thank you for your entry!

  • rinzurajan
    May 18
    Edit | Reply
    done well...quite a nice way of using the form...

    good luck


  • Little Eagle Greeters member
    May 3

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for your entry

    ahh, lol clams, sun, beach and a beautiful daughter. What could be more perfect that that. I know that that would be my ideal day, though without the clams lol, at least for me, my daughter loves all seafood lol.

    Well done on the form and prompt. Your refrain lines were well done and the rhyme scheme was well developed.

    I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

    God Bless
    Tammy


  • Nickelspring gold member
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    I just love this! You've done such an amazing job with the form.
    I love these lines:

    I’m at peace and free of sin
    When I'm with my little one

    Best wishes in the contest,
    KW~


  • Titus gold member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    This has the joy of sunshine all round, and by the colour I can see you are very proud, good luck, loved the family feel.

1 - 13 of 13