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Beginning of The End

 

 

I am a comatose

skeletal being

diluted of hope

 

imperfection sets in again

placing lies inside my head.

 

I am lifeless,

as angst seeps in

and blood runs out

 

All of my dreams turn into reality;

I contemplate the meaning of sanity.

 

Is it really so insane to think of death?

When all I can spare is one last breath.

 

My skin is cracked and peeled,

I guess the wound's never healed.

 

My pupils are inward,

all I see is red

 

 

 

this is the beginning of the end

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 81 of 81

  • Rick Weston silver member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    this is some good writing with vivid images used to create the tone.

    congrats on an excellent bit of verse.


  • redhanded
    September 11
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    wow. such a powerful piece! amazing write. keep up the good work!

    andi
    (redhanded)


  • feltfountain
    September 3

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    haunting. this was beautifully expressed. it really sounds like the speaker has hit the bottom and knows it. (insert hug here) :-)

  • yonidvorkis
    June 15

    Edit | Reply
    I don't think it's insane to think of death. It may be unhealthy to dwell on it but everyone stares their own mortality in the face sooner or later. That said, I do feel when people dwell too heavily on how, when, or where they're going to die they tend to reshape their life around the event, by either doing whatever they can to stave it off or by doing whatever they can to make it come sooner, which I feel your poem gets at more clearly. Eventually the thought of death takes precendent to the thought of life so they become cynical and hopelessly depressed that they can't fight the inevitable.

    Very nice work. Thanks also for the other comment you left me on my love poem. i'm glad your interpretation was so dead on, makes me feel like I can actually get the point across.


  • pain is love.
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    This is so dark and so beautiful. The words really called to me. Thank yo so much for your entry. I really liked the lines

    I am a comatose
    skeletal being
    diluted of hope

    They were pened is such a lovley way. Great poem!


  • white stone
    June 8

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    I especially liked the first stanza. Well written feelings of darkness here. I can relate, as obviously many others can as well.


  • PaperWingsCrumple
    May 29
    Edit | Reply

    i liked it

    this read very well to it dont be suprised to be placed high but ive still got alot to read


  • Red Rocket
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    "My pupils are inward,
    all I see is red"

    Its hard to read this because I know it caused pain and maybe relief too. I believe death is a disease. How about you? Thanks for sharing this


  • EmbraceTheJourney
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is such an ineresting peice, I really enjoyed it. I love the rhyming towards the end.

    "Is it really so insane to think of death?
    When all I can spare is one last breath."


  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    May 18
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is completely excellent, bravo, brilliant imagery


  • glenn shannon silver member
    May 18
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    i see red too but hope you see gold when the comp closes fine art here . loved it


  • adsaige
    May 17

    Edit | Reply

    Yes, quite simply,

    Although the first stanza is really quite good, I think it could be edited. "I am a comatose skeletal being," as the other way is phrased quite odd and doesn't get the message you want across. Also, you don't need the semicolon.

    It is perfectly fine as:

    "I am a comatose
    skeletal being diluted of hope."

    I notice you had a slight problem with semicolons were they are not needed. Trust me none of these semicolons are needed except for the fourth stanza.

    "I am lifeless [as]
    angst seeps in [and] blood
    runs out."

    Alright on the poem itself it is good. And the rhyme was so well, I didn't know it was rhyme until the end...


  • TwiztidMaggot
    May 8

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    This is really good. You did a very good job keeping my attention with this piece! I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Keep up your amazing work!

    CrimsonViper


  • darkyinsoul
    May 7

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    You describe red well
    Well done!!
    Thanks for the share
    Good luck in the contest
    Darky


  • Jazzlyn
    May 2
    Edit | Reply
    very good i felt the pain and i have gone through this as well... i could relate to this very much
    why are we considered insane just by thinking of death? Is it so bad to do that?
    great way to show others your pain

    P.S:: Please fix your name in the AN, put spaces between each letter so i can see, thank you

    -Jazz


  • LovexMexDead
    April 29
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    I am just...wow...you have a magical way with words, my friend...wow.


  • xenocide
    April 27
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    Nice, very good analysis of the psyche when going through depression.


  • kanny85
    April 27
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    beyond words

    i can really relate to this.....---lovely write.


  • Howard Manser gold member
    April 27

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    Wonderful

    Great observation and well stated.  I loved this line, "All of my dreams turn into reality;

    I contemplate the meaning of sanity."

    It says it all! Howard

  • SmokingBomber465
    April 27

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    great

    I liked your uneven rhyming scheme--and the way you captured my feeligns right now chilled me to the bone.

  • Fallen Angel
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful write. very truthful

  • adzoa
    April 27
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    excellent write

    I love your poem because it's real.


  • ilovE him
    April 27

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    this is a really great write!!!!! i love it!!!! my favorite part is:

    Is it really so insane to think of death?
    When all I can spare is one last breath.

    and who cares if its cliche?




  • DolceVito gold member
    April 27

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    Outstanding write, perhaps the best poem I've read on angst/inner thoughts...Beautifully done


  • BearWoman gold member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    I can actually relate to this from where I am at this point in my life.

    From the way you built up the tone throughout the poem, when I got to "All of my dreams turn into reality;" it felt like I was readiing "all of my twisted internal nightmarish, surreal, and/or out-of-touch-with-reality imagining become what I am experiencing in the outside, "real" world. That is then reinforced for me in the next line, "I contemplate the meaning of sanity."

    I like how you phrased "My pupils are inward,"

    In Line 14, "wounds" should be possessive (wound's).


  • konrad
    April 26

    Edit | Reply

    Hmmmmmmm!

    There has been many times in life that I have though that I am insane. The truth about death is i think about too much. I believe that I am wasting my live thinking about death. Now that ironic huh?
    I saw that this is something diffrent than you usually do and thats cool because i found this peice to be good but kinda depressing! Enjoyed it.


  • individuality gold member
    April 26

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    a wondrous dark piece of poetry penned that shatters the angles of sighs, pain and anguish ruffle the mind as the spirit slips into agony's vortex.


  • ToXiC-AnGeL gold member
    April 26

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    aha

    NOW your talking my language LOL

    I love your heartfelt love writes but this my friend is just ultimate..

    Absolute Brilliance

    My pupils are inward,
    all I see is red

    this is the beginning of the end


    I just Totally LOVED it ...thank you for pointing me towards this write.


  • Alzurath
    April 25
    Edit | Reply

    Short but sweet.

    This is a good read. Its dark, and has a good vibe with its emotions.


  • Stolen memories
    April 25

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    Well, I really enjoyed this piece, it had good form. And I could really feel the emotion seeping out in he gaps, great job!


  • jjtochrist
    April 25

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    Awesome

    I love the expression of emotion. I can relate to this from my drug years and days, Its exactly the way I love to write poetry with rhymes. Im sad to hear that your in despair but sometimes these define us, I love this verse imperfection sets in again;

    placing lies inside my head.

    Because I can relate to it in a clinical way if you know what I mean. God bless. This is the best poem I have read in a while.


  • Emile
    April 25

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Your feelings leap out of your words and ignite the emotional fires alive within your verses. The conscious mind extends itself beyond our norms and we enter a world composed of reality defused with pain, bewilderment and confusion with a hint of anger and betrayal.


  • thegirlsafaultline.
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    ''All of my dreams turn into reality;
    I contemplate the meaning of sanity.''
    -I looooove those lines. (:
    Great write.


  • Talking Toni gold member
    April 25

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    Brutal...

    The truth can be so very brutal!!! And with what you are going through I can understand these lines in relationship to your situation. But try to hold on to that eternal hope, it can bring you through so much more in life that you could ever imagine sustaining!!! Thanks for sharing and all the best sent your way!!!~~~Toni~~~


  • Hypnotic Poison
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this one, Dun' no but i do feel that time is the best healer it heals every wound.
    cherrs....

  • RechercheCadaver
    April 24

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    Simple ideas, interesting write. I love the lines before the last about pupils being inward. Strong visuals. Might have been more complete if you expanded on some of the ideas, like dreams turning into reality.


  • dabpunx
    April 24
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    deep.


  • flyfly gold member
    April 24

    Edit | Reply

    Very good, very deep.

    From reading your words, I would have assumed  that you have been badly let down in your expectations of life, love and professionally. I also would have guessed that you maybe a teacher of some sort, and that you were middle-aged. But having perused your profile I was stunned to see you are only a teenager. For someone as young as yourself to think such dark thoughts is terrible, this is not a condemnation, it's just an observation of a caring person, who is saddened by your pain.
    As for your writing, that is superber, well worth 9. Well done.


  • rollingzen
    April 24
    Edit | Reply
    well done

  • Christopher Y.
    April 24

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    I love stanzas 5, 6 and 7. The imagery you use is very effective especially that in stanza 4. The sadness practically drips off every syllable.


  • PurpleSky
    April 24

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    this is so dark and sad when you think about it well I hope these are not your real feelings but if they are then come take my hand and im sure we can find a much happier place to dwell
    huggles
    Lena


  • beckystar
    April 23
    Edit | Reply
    Wow amazing poem

  • Bob Fox
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    Poet

    A dark write that speaks of a sad finality. The mind within the mind. How it can torture us at times. Best wishes though.


  • Shannebelle
    April 23

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    Ooh very dark very strange indeed. But good!

    "My skin is cracked and peeled," I love lines like this xx


  • Treasure 5 gold member
    April 23

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    Wow this is different, but it was pretty good I will have tpo say. Wonderfully written and it was a pleasure to read.

  • Macsword
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    I can relate to this

    I wish that weren't so.

    There is an amazing comfort in words that you haven't written, yet speak to your heart.

    This heart thanks you poet.


  • Kendal Palmer gold member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    I wish you a great outcome with your cancer.
    Being able to express some of what you are feeling in poetry is such a gift...I love the lines- I am lifeless,

    angst seeps in;

    as blood runs out

    awesome!! writing has such power! it is one of only a few places that a poet can truly dig deep and allow such extreme emotions run free without fear of retribution. I think you have done a fantastic job here doing just that. Thank you for sharing. keep up the great work. peace to you always in all ways...
    -Kendal


  • SinfullyYoursLove
    April 23
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    WOAH.....

    now,whew,that was certainly one powerful poem u know,good work!


  • Lamia Luna Avaritia
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    An interesting peice...I do not know if you truely feel these emotions which for me is interesting....to me it seems almost as if you are disconnected from this very peice...rather an observer looking in. Having been in that very place, though I would disagree with the angst, i would say that it depends to answer you question. Is it insane to think of death, well in a desparing situation I would say no, often times it seems that it is the only way out, like nothing else can save us from a grave that was dug, by either us or by life. It seems safe, after all when you feel like you are falling often times you just wish that you had control of something, so why not the greatest thing of all, when you live and when you die. No, I do not think it is insane to think of death. I do not think it is unnatural to think of it even, for even the "happiest" people int he world have at least once wished themselves dead. However, I do believe that you must ask yourself is it right? is there really no other way out? what is needed for you to choose to live rather than play god? truely I think those are some of the more important questions. FOr even in our darkest hour... there is always someone who cares....perhaps this is haring too much....but I believe that you ony need one person to care, i ahve three uncles...and just today found out my grandfather has cancer. All three of my uncles have done things that they probably wouldn't if they weren't diagonised with their forms of cacner. As such I made it my job to write to each of them to let them know that I cared. While they may have not thought of death, at least not to my knowledge, they did re evaluate their situation and made healthier choices....now I get to do that or my grandfather. Regardless, this is an interesting poem, as I said it seems disconnected but that may be your intention...to be disconnected as an individual drawing away from life through a disconnection with yourself...an interesting peice. Thank you for sharing.

    ~lamia

    • OurxBeginning
      April 23
      Edit | Reply
      Indeed. It is meant to be disconnected. As far as Cancer, I have both pre-cancer and cancer cells, I have to get surgery. So I do know that feeling. I hope they will be okay. Thanks for the comment.


  • Gunther gold member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    A dark journey to the end. As someone else suggested, I hope you are just being artistic and that you don't really feel this way.
    Some really great choices for the written (typed) word. Nicely done!


  • Visions to Ponder
    April 22

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    I like this poem. I know how you feel with this poem, I feel this way a lot right now in my current situation.


  • NightBreaker
    April 22

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    I didn't even realized it rhymed until I got to 'red' and 'end' amazing. Incredible vocabulary; I thought it would be run-of-the-mill, but the word comatose made me fall in love with this poem. Simply Smashing.


  • Myth
    April 22

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    Dark and beautiful. It flowed very well. I don't usually read this kind of poem, but I loved the way you wrote it.

  • poetrynovice
    April 22

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    Hmmm......

    I hope things are not that serious in your life and you are being somewhat artistic here. Neverthheless, a good but possibly troubling write.

  • patrick20traveler
    April 22

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    Sounds serious from a medical point of view, capturing the very last moment of life. I didn't get the reference to "chiche" 'cause it read OK to me and I don't see the problem if it works for the reader, which according to the comments, it does. I would have liked more details. For example, some say at the moment of death we think about our mother--those kinds of particular details give a poem personal life.


  • xDemonicxAngelx
    April 22

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    I like your author notes lol. I really liked this m'love and I'm so glad you are writing again!
    Love you!


  • Juggalette Sammy
    April 22

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    You did so well on this write! I enjoyed reading every line, though simple in size, they are not lacking in volume. Its a great poem, and the imagery is terrific!

  • Synraven
    April 22

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    Even the simplest looking of poems can speak volumes, with the descriptive writing and great choice of words. Nothing "cliche" about it. The way I see it, there will always be dark poems, and there are also poems about rainbows and butterflies for those who don't like it. Keep writing what you want.


  • Jonathan Raven
    April 22
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    WOW...

    that was a great write. cant wait to read the rest of your poetry. keep up the great work.


  • xeroabyss II
    April 22

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    All the world is but a cliché.
    And we have all been questioning and doubting, and merely existing only to die the same mundane deaths like countless forgotten anybodys long before us, and long after we will be gone.


  • Bloody Corpse
    April 22

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    i like this one so far ill read ur rest and of corse give a good rateing y three y not 10 i would give a ten


  • DesolatELifE
    April 22

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    Tell me something, if you know:
    I saw this poem in the featured column, so went to your page and clicked on it there.. does that mean I don't count as a click on the featured link and it will therefore be there one click longer?

    I'm very glad you said what you said in your author notes. Makes it a lot more okay to be 'kinda cliché'
    I like 'I guess the wounds never healed.'
    Good line.


  • AngelOfBetrayal
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    Your rhyme scheme was amazing, it has a very deep enmity feeling to it, as if this person is so filled with hate that they can no longer function. Whether it be hate for themselves or the whole world.
    I love you're work ^_^


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    April 21

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    Excellent

    A very fine write, indeed. You express your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.

  • MxA
    April 21

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    WOW!!

    Well, my beautiful darling this is definately an incredible piece here. The imagery is flawless.

    Is it really so insane to think of death?
    When all I can spare is one last breath.

    that is certainly a great line, All in all I love this poem, thank you for sharing it my angel, you know I adore all of your work, you're an amazing writer.

    Keep up the fantastic work!

    you know I love you very much ♥

    forever&always my love

  • SilentMoonlight
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    Not so much cliche but really suggestive which is nice because that leaves people to take it as they damn well please.

    I love the corpse feel to this it made me think of the mounds of dead spread all over Nazi camps so diseased and wreaking, silent cries never to be heard.

    You had one typo- agnst should be angst other than that terrific write love


  • in the dark blue
    April 21

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    this is an awesome write, dear. wonderfully expressed..full of emotion and imagery.
    My favorite lines..
    "All of my dreams turn into reality;
    I contemplate the meaning of sanity."
    Wonderful job.


  • Reanna Eryn
    April 21

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    I love the rhyme. This poem is catchy and addicting. One of the best I've read. Beautiful, I believe this is lovely.


  • darkyinsoul
    April 21
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    Awsome write here!!
    Thanks for the share.


  • disposableteen-x
    April 21

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    All of my dreams turn into reality;
    I contemplate the meaning of sanity.

    Gah! Your writing is always so amazing. Such vivid emotion. I love it all.
    How about, you publish a big book of your poems, and send them to me. Haha.
    Gorgeous, as always.


  • StarEyes
    April 21

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    Well my darling, This is fantastic! I love the emotion in this one! What a great job you did on this!!! Better than I could have for what it is

    Great job!

    and love

    Mom

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