‘The STAUFFENBERG Girl’
When I was a boy growing-up in Amagansett – East Hampton, Long Island; it was a far cry from the ‘swanky’ haunts of the rich it
has become. Whether or not that Cassandra or Cassiopeia(she liked to be called just ‘Sandy’) was any relation to her ill fated Uncle Klaus von Stauffenberg or so she claimed – one of the plotters against Hitler – was merely an interesting nugget or rumor to incite or delight the local caravanassaries who summered on the beaches far away from New York City’s sweltering airless granite canyons.
In those days – in the late 1950’s there were laws enacted by the towns/villages/hamlets against exposing oneself without their tops on – both applying to men and women.
Sure enough one hot morning I was cutting the lawn or doing some yard work and I forget about that ridiculous statute and ventured to Main Street, downtown East Hampton to get a soft drink and sure enough was arrested by Mike Fischer the local sherrif on duty and was brought to the local court next to White’s Plaza on Olde Montauk Highway.
Lo and behold i was brought before Judge Louis Browne – who happened to be a friend of my family’s.
“Young man” began Judge Brown, “I want you to go home; put a shirt, jacket and tie on and come back here. Then I will deal with your offense.”
And as i began to leave he added, “Oh yes, I am having dinner with your parents tomorrow evening and I will inform them of this incident.”
Fast forward twenty years or so i was ‘home’ on leave from my station at MACV in Vietnam.
Just tooling around – i had ‘hooked-up’ with Sandy who was ‘game’ for anything. She liked sex and adventure and so what if she wanted everyone to think she was related to that Stauffenberg who tried to kill the ‘Fuehrer’ now almost 30 years ago. She was blonde, attractive, and bombed around the Hamptons in a black Porsche.
We had just finished our latest wild thrusting of hips onto lips and decided to catch a movie at the Drive-In at Hampton Bays all the way down the Olde Montauk Highway. We only had fifteen minutes to travel the twenty or so miles – so with me behind the wheel just dressed in bottoms of my Army green camouflage fatigues – we were doing about 110 m.p.h. in Sandy’s Porsche while she assiduously stroked my still erect member as she knelt in the passenger seat trying to lubricate me yet again with her saliva juices. Just as Sandy was about to apply more of her lip-sticked mouth to my now fully tumescent hard-on – flashing lights siren from behind us and then the loud-speaker demanding we pull the car over.
What to do – what to do. No ID on or with me so Sandy reaches in to one of the side flaps(early Porsche’s in this country did not come equipped with ‘glove compartments’ and other ‘fru-fru’ American conveniences for storing stuff) and hands me her brother Klaus’s driver’s license and ID. We looked vaguely similar so it was not too much of a stretch.
Aside from my still apparent ‘stiffy’ jutting up in my fatigues – and Sandy’s disheveled state – we should have nothing more to worry about than being late for the movie – and probably a hefty speeding ticket. No biggie.
Lo and behold this sheriff hauls us down to the night-court in East Hampton.
And you know the Judge on duty that night is the Honourable Louis Brown.
So there i am in just my fatigues and my bare sweaty chest and a suddenly flaccid penis wishing it and I were somewhere else.
Sandy is there trying to do her hair or her face make-up and make herself look more respectable.
Judge Brown looks me up and down – and then regards Miss Stauffenberg.
“Well first, Mr. Jaimot, I would like to express all our compliments to you on your military service and the pride of our community that you have survived the war so far with such distinction.”
Smiling i nodded my gratitude and think i mumbled “Thank you your Honour.”
Then Judge Brown said:”And I should also note in congratulation that you have changed your name to Sandy’s brother’s name Klaus Stauffenberg.”
He held the driver’s license as if comparing me to the picture on the plastic card.
“Mr. Jaimot, you will go home with police escort put a shirt, jacket and tie on and come back for the disposition of these various matters.”
As both Sandy and i turned to leave, he added “I will be having dinner and drinks with both of your family’s this week-end and I will definitely bring your behavior to their attention.”
Unbelievable. An officer and veteran still subject to having his parents informed of what i considered minor misdeeds.
Such was the time of youth growing up in the former potatoe fields out on the tip of Long Island.
So several days later i was at the ‘Club’ in east Hampton swimming with Sandy and watching as my mother and the other middle-aged haus-fraus of the Hampton’s scene wiled away the hot daylight hours playing bridge or canasta or whatever games they indulged themselves with to slake their boredom.
Placing myself in my swim trunks close enough to tease the older ladies with my honed body – my mother became so embarrassed by my deliberately showing-off Sandy’s effect on the contours of my apparatus that she requested both Sandy and i to don some towels to hide our mutual excitements.
One other lady began a spiel about “You know those Jews and niggers want to come out here and…” lowering her voice into a whisper as she said “Jews and niggers” as if anybody was listening to this ridiculous racist rant.
Looking at Sandy i smiled and taking her by the hand I found two rakes near the hedge of bougainvillea bordering the pool area – and began to beat the bushes with the rake as Sandy joined in my tom-foolery.
Finally my mother demanded to know what I was doing?
“Just trying to scare-up some Jews and niggers, mother dear. Wouldn’t want any of those people sneaking in to our Club.”
“Oh, Kathleen,” one of the other card-playing women said to my mother, “can’t anyone control Zyskandar?”
My mother shook her head and said:” If the Army and a Stauffenberg can’t reign him in – what chance have I? Bid One-no-trump.” Not missing a beat.
Whether Sandy was indeed related to the infamous Stauffenberg family i never found out. Judge Brown passed away several years ago. To me Sandy and our adventures that summer – will always be the ‘Stauffenberg girl’.
Posted by Jaimot's Jargon at 7:11 PM
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