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gutter rat

 

Catacombs of empty meaning in a life of so little worth.

He tries to ask the right questions, but can't even formulate the words.

Is it worth it, to save me? That's something he always asks.

He'd much rather drown and lay face down in a gutter, than to be facing what he has.

 

Inside he's dying [he's crying],

even though he looks tough.

Is the rain going to swallow him up

or will it leave him be?

 

Author notes

Pic Credit: http://bramleech.deviantart.com/art/Rain-104927591

"Don't die live life"

Prompt - 'All of us are living in the gutters but some of us are staring at the stars' - Oscar Wilde

"Cari"

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Catacomb
    May 15
    Edit | Reply
    Very good. Great imagery. Thank you for entering.


  • Night Terrors
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wow what a hopeless poem. I think it is so tragic I loved the heart ache resinating from every line.

    The Positives:

    This may be short but it spoke to me enough to make me want this on the finalist list. The powerful emotion is gut twisting.

    Room For Improvement:
    Nothing I can see you did wonderful



    My Favorite Part:
    Inside he's dying [he's crying],

    even though he looks tough.

    Is the rain going to swallow him up

    or will it leave him be?


    What a powerful ending
    Overall:

    I give this an 10/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~


  • she still smiles x gold member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply

    Awww, wow. Soo much sorrow in such a short and sweet tale. I loved this!! =D Your rhyming made the poem flow smoothly and effortlessly as well.

    I loved your use of 'catacombs' and how you ended the piece. Excellent job -- good luck in the contest!! =]

     

    ♥


  • LittleLoverSoPolite
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    oh and on a even more interesting note; if you read this poem from the bottom up....in other words read from bottom to top....it's even more powerful and intriguing


    • lowercase prelude gold member
      April 22
      Edit | Reply
      Wow...I just did that and I didn't even realize what I had done. Thanks for showing me.

      And also, thanks for your comments


  • LittleLoverSoPolite
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    wow, i feel this way at times....great write and i love the picture.


  • Candy Morphine
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    what a pretty picture.

    Is the rain going to swallow him up
    or will it leave him be?
    -ooh i love how this complements the two lines prior to that.


  • Number 13
    April 20
    Edit | Reply
    amazing! heartbreaking to say the least! But the emotions are carried out soooo well <3


  • trekkergirl
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow now this is sooooooooo sad. Not only does the picture lead me to believe in sadness but your words... paint a picture of sorrow, of pain, of loneliness, and yes, even of loss of faith in everyone and everything. Such a wonderfully sad tale that you have woven with your words. Wow. Excellent. Can't say enough about this one. A winner for sure.

1 - 11 of 11