Of course I care, but I can't worry about you all the time...

Getting to that point where
I NEEDED and DESERVED the pain
It was a reward to actually be in control again.

I was there.
I wanted to cry and scream
But mostly I wanted to bleed.

Slice myself and cut it deep.
Enjoy the pain, feel slightly less weak.
Wished I could explode
Or just collapse to the floor,
Felt like there was no use fighting life anymore.

But I wasn't trying to die.

I just wanted to hurt,
To just have one thing- for once,
On my own terms.

Actually have something in my own two hands,
Well one, my aim with my left could end up really bad,

And I don't want to die.

I just miss that control.
Life's about power
And somehow I've let all mine go.

Slipped away,
God don't let the razor slip.
One scare; one miss and I'd have explaining to do,
It's easier when you think I'm as careless or clumsy as you.

Life gets better.
Control comes back.
But you have to take it.
You have to demand it.
And you have to LIVE.
You can't accept life, you have to make it (you taught me that).

Take back control of your life.
He doesn't own you anymore.
Your parents don't own you anymore.
I don't own you; I never did.

It's all in your hands now and that's what scares you.
There's no one else to blame it on,
No one else to turn to.
But don't forget: I'll be here.


You need to Step Up.
You need to keep Fighting.