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hide your eyes--this one's a tragedy

I swear that night, the stage was lit. I was ready to get up and sing you a soliloquy about how many stitches you'd sewn into my heart.  But you shut off the stage lights and told me about how much you'd die for her... again. I wish my paper face could resist tears, but it's melting too fast.  Hold me close and tell me this is all some nightmare. No, wait--don't. I don't remember the temperature of your arms.

Your favorite colors were the grays of the sky and the browns of the earth. Your eyes were buttons made of ice, and your smile was laced with chloroform--but who could resist? Everyone swarmed around you, crowding you, making you unable to breathe. And I stood there on the stage, waiting for you to tell them to dim the lights and start the show. You were suffocating, and I was waiting to become your breath of mountain air, or a walk by lulling seashores, or a night sitting in my library, pouring out our souls. Look me in the eyes and tell me this is who you want me to be. No, wait--don't.  I don't want to drown in your lies.

At night, I'd lie in my bed and tell my sob story to faded cotton sheets and tear-stained pillowcases.  The phone would sit there waiting for me to give you my soul, but this little child's hand is too weak to move. Every breath reminds me of chloroform again, and it's intoxicating.  Sometimes I don't know whether it's ecstasy or heartbreak. I'm too lost to tell. Wipe away my tears with your sunlit hands and tell me I'll be okay. No, wait--don't. I don't want my eyes to be colored red.

I used to be claustrophobic. Everyone swarmed around me like bees, and I was sick of the stinging comments and incessant insults.  They'd look at my scars and tell me I'm pathetic. They'd hear of my love and call me a fool. Sometimes, I'd be angry at them, wanting to throw back their firebrands and toxic daggers. But inside, I know that I'd never heal...not without you. Bandage my wounds and tell me that I'm healing. No, wait--don't. I still see my life dripping onto your clenched hands.

The most beautiful thing you ever told me was that I had the same aura as you--indigo. You told me it was the rarest of them all--a person who was caring and compassionate, but was also at the highest level of spirituality and connection to the world.  And for the first time ever that day, you and I both were held.  You put your arms around me, and our hearts made earthquakes.  We stood there for an hour, and you whispered that you loved me.  Hold me like that again. No, wait--don't. I don't want to remember.

I've decided not to tell you my soliloquy. These days never allowed me to forget the wounds and the trembling, but I don't think it's worth it anymore. You're no longer suffocating. Darling, I'm glad.  But sometimes a part of me wishes that I'd been the one who made you unable to breathe. I wish I was the one to keep you paralyzed, because if I was, I wouldn't be invisible like I am now. I'm taking my bow without even performing. The bloodstained curtain is closing.

Hold my hand and tell me that I meant something to you. No, wait--don't.

Your hands are too cold.

Author notes

N i e n n a C a l m c a c i l
Prose.

For MysteriousWhisper: Prompt number:...really, all of them fit. But for specifics, I'll just say 1.
For Beautiful Mistake: Prompt #1.
For Girl With Guitar: Prompt: Failure; relationships.

A contest entry

Whaddya think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Girl With Guitar silver member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    I'm typically not a fan of prose, especially for contest purposes.

    I adore the in depth, I love you paragraphs and how they're ended with No. I think you could have really taken that technique and produced a terrible piece of writing but this isn't half bad.
    I've experienced relationships like this, the turmoil it brings upon ones heart is more crushing than anything a goodbye can do.

    Thanks for the entry.


  • Hannah Carr
    June 9
    Edit | Reply
    really good. It may not flow exactly but I can feel what ur trying to say. Thanks for entering


  • MysteriousWhisper
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    this is full of emotion and has a very good story attached to it. i love the story format. anyway the only thing was that it would probably have been easier to read if you had separated the words more in a more poem like format. this was much like a poem and it would have been easier to understand if it was separated. good job and good luck in the contest!


    • Nienna Calmcacil
      June 7
      Edit | Reply
      Prose is usually written in paragraph form...do you mean I should've made them smaller, as in more paragraphs? Or what? I do appreciate your critique--I'm just a little confused. But thank you for your comment =]


  • stop a bullet
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow.. this was.. i have no idea what to say about it. amazing. painful. personal. emotional. all of that.. and so much more. a wonderful piece.
    No, wait--don't. I still see my life dripping onto your clenched hands.
    i think that was my fav of the end lines.. wow. great job and thank you so much for entering.


  • Guerrero
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    holy shit and please pardon my language. this was wow. just wow. i dont honestly know what to say. your love for this person was astounding. you know its writers like you that make me want to put down my pen. im completely speechless. im so sorry you were hurt like that. this dragged me into it and stole my breathe before i could catch it. amazing


  • BeachBum1
    May 21

    Edit | Reply

    thank-you

    this was an interesting write If I'm honest it was a little long which can sometimes put me off but once I started reading I became captivated thank you good luck


  • BreakingTheSurface
    May 14
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this one, especially the title. It's so detailed and vivid. Great write.


  • still.she.waits
    May 13
    Edit | Reply
    yes.


  • decode
    May 13

    Edit | Reply

    no.

    I feel like this prose was crammed full of too much. you had a really good idea, but not every sentence has to be full of feeling and imagery and whatever else you can stuff in. balance is a good thing to keep in mind.


  • libel -
    May 13
    Edit | Reply
    yes


  • heavenbird gold member
    May 13
    Edit | Reply

    yes.


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    May 13
    Edit | Reply
    a yes


  • FreeFalling911
    May 3
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for entering this in my contest

  • catharine silver member
    May 1

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    painful and so in the moment.. Hard when your mind is light years ahead of the heart. My favorite line was 'taking my bow without even performing'. Makes me think you were in the audience - but not really...Great poem!!!


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    aw this is so heartbreaking. The guy I used to be close to and still a little in love with as he was my first love and he shuns me and insults me and seems to call me bad. But yeah he hurts me lots. Beautifully wrote brought me close to tears.

1 - 16 of 16