Let me hold you spews from my lips
Really I grasp to you despite your protest
You feel ackward, like a sitting duck
Waiting for me to proclaim a fuck.
You let her hold you, she took my kiss
Loving you is like running away
You are my addiction and every escape
I want to see your blue eyes bleed
You are to be with me
Keeping you locked away
It hurts me
I want everything to be forte'
The perfect home, The perfect life
two beautiful children
WHY DO YOU INSIST TO MAKE THIS STRIFE!!!!
###################Slowly working on it, not very often do I take a long time on a piece, i'm hoping it can be a masterpiece.
*********Ahhh, still working on it... advice people!!
Author notes
Ummm... give me as much adivice as possible, it's not nearly done.
hmmm... give an honest opinion!
Comments
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first if you are going to rhyme, lose the commas and line break ... would create a much better flow ... right now it is very difficult to read ...
watch your tenses and cliches ... nothing worse in rhyme than so many words we have all heard a thousand times before ...
i know you are working on this, but strip off what seems to work, get naked, and make it yours ...
i do like it, and look forward to reading it again
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