I loved you with my entire being
From day one we were meant to be
Careless lovers young and free
Until our days were through.
We bound our existence together.
The lovely romance of thieves!
We were young rebels in love
But it couldn't last forever...
Ignorant people!
They don't understand.
They became jealous of all that we had
They hunted us like animals.
We tried to run & hide
To protect one another,
And It didn't work, We were caught.
As your ghostly hand brushes my cheek
I see how even now we are blessed.
Since neither can live without the other
Conjoined death unites us still
And that's what matters love.....
I felt barely a pinch
When big bad death came to play
We walked hand in hand
Into eternity's playground
A contest entry
- Pre-Writes Galore by tears.of.silence.
400 points, ended May 18, 257 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - >Moonlit Vagabond< by borrowing.moonlight.
600 points, ended June 18, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - We Are Walking In Cracked Sunshine and Fractured Memories {Prewrites!!} by rainbows..
800 points, ended July 8, 223 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
........please help me revise
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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As your ghostly hand brushes my cheek
I see how even now we are blessed.
Since neither can live without the other
Conjoined death unites us still
I really like this. Thank-you very much for entering this into my contest. -
alright... that was interesting. if you are looking for revision suggestions still, i would suggest turning this into a freewrite because your rhyme detracts from the poem itself in this case. you also might want to expand on the storyline because it doesn't really make any sense to the uninformed reader. or you can explain it in your authors notes. it was a good poem, but i think if you're looking for excellence, a few things could be changed. well, thank you for the entry! good luck and keep writing
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woow,this is truely amazing
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thanks honey.
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This sounds like a poem that should had been in your own contest! You coulda won that too!
This is very good writing Max. Enjoyed this thorogh(bred) ly!
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Actually, it was written for my contest. i posted a link to it in the actual contest. Shows how much you pay attention
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lol
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This was so cute!
It was sad but cute. I love it. -
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It was supposed to be happy. Smile sunshine! The dead are celebrating
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Excellent!
Very well versed with an abundance of imagery written with flawless flow of the unforced rhyming verse--
Very Well Done!
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Thank you so much!!
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Great take on the prompt. I love the alternate verse lengths.
Be well,
Trent
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Thank you!
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