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Darkness

Darkness--Thrill me forever!!!
It is darkness I endeavor to caress--
Allowing its beauty to possess--
As I feel it's loveliness upon my doom-less soul--

Touching me like a feather, it's breath warm it's mind clever--
Can't you see ? as it flaunts and taunts abundantly about--
It knows what I need and can not live without-

For I am always the looser in this bout,
though I doubt to exist much longer-
as I beg to be stronger- knowing I am doomed --
Because I can not resist any longer.

A voice inside tells the darkness to let me be--
But the voice it do's not see --
that we and I the darkness in side
was meant to be Free

And what I wish do,s not matter
for I am like the food on a platter -
meant to feed my master -
and this feeling can only lead to disaster!

It,s craft is strong
it haunts me until dawn.
Every night I fall to sleep with such a feeling of fright
for I know the darkness will come in sight.
And whisper it's breath within my ear
and tell me of some forgotten sphere---
Were weird weird people leer,

Looking down and up upon me
there body's taunt and work there way around my bed.
They ask me to give up and to be dead.
As they long to take from my mind that lie's within my head--
They are so unkind!

Yet they seek to find my weakness
in the bleakness of the night--
They Thrill me- gently Kill me,
with Delight enhanced by Fright.

Good night and sleep tight-
for without the sun light there is no escape.
Darkness do's not allow one to wake!

Author notes

Edgar--Opt. 1-Please

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 45 of 45

  • Count Orlok
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    You seem to have entered this into more contests than I have had hot breakfasts. It is littered with grammatical mistakes too. Perhaps if you spell-checked it you might win a cup one day. Please accept my apologies for the delay in judging this contest but I am recovering from having been crucified by some amateur vampire-hunters - however you can't really expect a prize for this, can you?


  • Symphony.of.Silence
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done poet, I like the dark side of poetry and you really brought this out in dedication to Poe.And woah this is entered in a lot of contests! good luck in all of them!


  • quantumsurveyor
    September 30

    Edit | Reply

    There are many errors in this poem so it is little wonder that you have achieved nothing in the numerous contests you have entered. It is probable that most judges would reject the work on grounds of English grammar/spelling alone regardless of the content of the work. I have listed whatever I can see in verse order to make it easier for you to see them.


    Darkness--Thrill me forever!!! only one exclamation mark is needed, the over-emphasis is merely, well, overemphasis.

    it's loveliness should read: its loveliness.

    it's breath-ditto

    the looser should read the loser.

    longer/longer is not a rhyme to write home about, is it?

    it do's not see should read it does not see.

    darkness in side should read darkness inside.

    Why a capital at be Free?

    do,s not matter should read does not matter.

    It,s craft is strong should read Its craft is strong.

    it's breath should read its breath.

    Were weird should read Where weird,

    What is the purpose of all these capitalised words: They Thrill me- gently Kill me,
    with Delight enhanced by Fright.

    sun light should read sunlight.

    do's not should read does not.


  • sgking123
    September 3

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    You seek the favor of darkness and yet come to find that they nail you right in the midst of darkness...the twist was damn clear.A very crafty poem this one was. I enjoyed reading it immensely.


  • hisfallenangel821
    August 29

    Edit | Reply
    "It,s craft is strong
    it haunts me until dawn.
    Every night I fall to sleep with such a feeling of fright
    for I know the darkness will come in sight.
    And whisper it's breath within my ear"

    I love this. It's a great write. Best of luck


  • Little Lesley
    August 28
    Edit | Reply
    Nice, great job. It's great.
    Good luck!
    ♥~Little Lesley~♥


  • epitome
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering!

    Definitely loved the last stanza, but apart from that it wasn't really my style, I tend to go for regular stanzas and lines, etc. I loved some of the imagery, though, and you have a beautiful sense of diction in places.

    Good luck;


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    Good night and sleep tight-
    for without the sun light there is no escape.
    Darkness do's not allow one to wake!
    this part was particularly intriguing,,, you certainly made your words so interesting here.. thank you for the entry


  • Unbreakable3
    July 29
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the entry

  • Xxpoison.kissesxX silver member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    lovely write


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    Oh so dark but i likes it, i do!


    well done on a fab write i really enojoyed it!

    You have great imagry btw, any told you that before?!


  • The Fun House silver member
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    I like the dark edge of this piece. It has allure and takes you into its folds. The stanzas seem a bit uneven when read aloud but the general feel of it impresses me. I like it alot


  • Jayde1
    July 14

    Edit | Reply

    good

    a good poem

    nice n dark


    well done to you



    good luck in contest


  • GraveyardGoddess
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    Ver dark,
    thanks for entering,
    Good luck darling.


  • rainbows. gold member
    July 7
    Edit | Reply
    The grammar and spelling are a bit off but it's still good. There were some confusing portions but overall it was a nice write.
    This is nice and dark, but this could be soo much better. As mentioned before, lots of grammar mistakes. Thanks for entering this piece into my contest.


  • awitersheart
    July 7
    Edit | Reply

    Dark

    Good poem I liked it and it was dark, dark, dark
    Good luck in the contest.


  • Jade.Butterfly gold member
    July 4
    Edit | Reply
    Phew! You really portrayed darkness very well here!
    awesome!


  • glenn shannon silver member
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    I so relate to this dream the demons emergining taking away any resistance its so damn frightening and the way you wrote is is damn cool too thanks foe entering and good luck my pulse increased.

  • Raven of Iniquity
    July 2

    Edit | Reply

    Hmm...

    The grammar and spelling are a bit off but it's still good. There were some confusing portions but overall it was a nice write.

    "Yet they seek to find my weakness
    in the bleakness of the night--
    They Thrill me- gently Kill me,
    with Delight enhanced by Fright."

    These were definitely my favorite lines.

    Thank you for entering and good luck,
    ~Raven


  • Miss Macabre
    June 24
    Edit | Reply
    You broke the rules.


  • Sheli silver member
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    check the spelling of soul, i do not think sole is quite what you meant, otherwise, keep on keeping on, you definately have a talent


  • Bella Cullen
    June 18
    Edit | Reply
    go through and correct the few mistakes in there. you need to use ' instead of , and then do,s is spelt does.
    it is a good poem...and easy to understand. I feel like there could be more to this than what you wrote here. You have alot of potential and i think you can do much better.

  • Miss Macabre
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    I see a lot of grammar problems. It puts me off a little.

    Other then that though, the poem was real dark with a nice flow. It hooked me, kept me reading. Good luck.


  • sexy emo fairy
    June 11
    Edit | Reply
    very nice dark poem. i loved it. thank you for entering.

  • Mercury Rising
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    A really excellent dark poem with some fine imagery and rhyming, Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.


  • forbidden-colour
    June 4

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for entering.

    A bog standard churning of poem here, melodramatic with your usage of exclamation marks and "expressive" language. Quite frankly not worth the material I wipe my arse on.


    Thank you for entering.

  • XxLoverOfDarknessxX
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    very good write here. the take on darkness is amazing. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful write, my friend!

    Thankyou so much for entering, and I wish you the best of luck!!

    Maria


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    I too, get comfort from the darkness sometimes. It's like it embraces me in a way, as if I'm a dear friend.


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    dark is a type of thought I seek not to dwell but to sleep is another thing, thank you for this entry...good luck
    Linda


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    May 20
    Edit | Reply
    i love darkness.. thanks for entering this


  • Night Terrors
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    That was a an excellent poem deffinately a great poem from start to finsih way to use your artistic ability to express yourself


  • liquidmindforever gold member
    May 16
    Edit | Reply

    RULES

  • liquidmindforever gold member
    May 16
    Edit | Reply

    RULES

    Dear Poet

    Thank you for entering my contest: PREWRITES
    FOR BRONZE & SILVER TROPHY WINNERS, ONLY

    Please return to rules. THere, note: you're
    missing two of them.

    When complied, im with the TITLE
    and I'll be happy to read your entry

    Till them
    stay
    liquid

  • Mercury Rising
    May 14
    Edit | Reply
    Here we go again. This is an excellent piece of dark poetry, but I had specifically asked for green HM winning poems only. I'll let you leave it in, as the contest is closed, but try and read the rules more closely next time.


  • AngelsKissesJenna
    May 12

    Edit | Reply
    This was a great write. I liked the flow to it.
    Imagery/10
    Style/30
    background/30
    Prompt used/0
    Prewrite/10
    fresh write/0
    Total 80

    My fave part was: Looking down and up upon me
    there body,s taunt and work there way around my bed.
    They ask me to give up and to be dead.
    As they long to take from my mind that lie,s within my head--
    They are so unkind!

    Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    Other than a few gramatical errors a great write. thank you for entering and good luck in the contest

    "It,s craft is strong
    it haunts me until dawn.
    Every night I fall to sleep with such a feeling of fright
    for I know the darkness will come in sight.
    And whisper it,s breath within my ear
    and tell me of some forgotten sphere---
    Were weird weird people leer,"


  • OxymoronishGenuis
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    breathtaking
    your writing is wonderful..
    i love the dark ending..
    it flows nicely.. tells a wonderfully dark story
    nice work!

    good luck in contest

  • Xxpoison.kissesxX silver member
    April 26
    Edit | Reply

    Whoa

    the ending really drew me in the most! beautifully written.


  • Tqop
    April 26
    Edit | Reply
    This is very good.


  • RainbowEyes
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    This poem portrays darkness very well. I like the rhyming too. I like the style and the depth of the words you chose.


  • capricorn2645
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    Wow
    I love how you portrayed darkness with such vivid description
    Amazing

  • Mercury Rising
    April 26
    Edit | Reply
    You penned an excellent poem that really creates a dark and haunting atmosphere. There are a few problems with using commas instead of apostrophes, but those things are minor, as your poem over-all was really good. Best of luck in the contest.

  • poetrymd
    April 19
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    this one really hit its dark mark as only you could in this great style

1 - 45 of 45