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no name

Why is it there lies so much inside the mind of the human ?
Shelled within the bottle of a destiny.--
From which there is no choice but to exist !!

How can it be- that we as a group
as a so called-- Civilized existence --
be so futile in our actions.
Actions that have no truth.
Except out of fear and greed--

Afraid of another ?--
Is to simply be afraid of one's self and existence.
Why is it then, we as a whole--
long to be one through total segregation and destruction !

Who gives or has the all might power to speak
for the whole of the immortal humanity.
Save-- for the life giving power.
  That is--

The Community.

--------------r o l a n d h a l l o w a y

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • Blue-Rose Beauty
    September 8
    Edit | Reply
    No, thank you.


  • Shantti
    September 2

    Edit | Reply
    Civilized is nothing but a man made word but is only filled with empty meaning when you examine it closely just like all the other descriptives
    Well put in your poetry. I appriciate your view on lifes controversies.
    Thank you for entering


  • HereComesTheSun
    August 22

    Edit | Reply

    judged

    well done with given a good steady message. as for a title i say go with something bittersweet about human nature (possibly?)


  • K-a-r-s
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem. It is very nice and it gets right to the point. Plus it is short and sweet. Good Job and Good Luck in the contest!


  • Budart
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    It looks like you are to busy spaming this poem all over this sight to read the rules of the contest you enter. strikes me as disrespectful in the extreme.


  • Pisces rainbow gold member
    July 24

    Edit | Reply
    We as a whole are unpredictable
    creating imbalance in balanced universe
    very lovely and well written
    Thank you for your beautiful entry
    God bless you my friend...


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    You ask some real good questions....

    i quite enjoyed reading this!

    Well done and thankyou for such a splendid write!


  • Lyndon gold member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply

    You have worked at this entry-wise!

    Punctuation is fine but it must be used wisely.
    Metaphors do exist and they seem to be disengaged from each other.
    The poem comes across as a speech on the profundity of being human beings yet has a quality of being made up as you go.
    Observe the work of all around you (as we all do) and your free verse will improve, I am sure.
    Thank you for your entry.
    Lyndon of the Winklings.


  • pain is love.
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really good piece. It rang true even if it was a little on the strange side. That just made it better! Thank you for this great entry.

  • Writing0Freedom
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    I think this needs more imagery and emotion, I'm sorry this is not what I was looking for though.


  • Antebellum
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    'Afraid of another ?--
    Is to simply be afraid of one's self and existence.
    Why is it then, we as a whole--
    long to be one through total segregation and destruction ! '

    I really like this part.
    It left me thinking...
    great wrie :]


  • crivanea silver member
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    i'm not sure if u mean to..but wow...this poem made me think of marxist and communism..hhaha..anyways ..good write..different and creative..not what i expected


  • DancingRed
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, a poem needs a title. There's a whole extra line up there that is calling out for your words!

    Spelling, grammar & punctuation seems to be great though. A thoughtful, contemplative piece. Thanks for entering!
    DancingRed.


  • Ami
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    loved the message in this all true I always like society writes

    Thank you so much for entering my contest
    And good luck!

    -♥Amy♥


  • happy kitty kat
    July 2
    Edit | Reply

    jeez how many times did u enter this poem?

    any way a good read, and since i have 33 other entries to read, short and sweet good luck

  • Backporchphilosopher gold member
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good piece with an important message, but it has some mistakes in it that distract from its value...lies no apostrophe or lay? No choice, not choose, to exist; be so futile in our not are actions; all mighty not all might power perhaps you meant...this is a really good piece but the mistakes are a distraction from it and maybe are the reason why it was entered in so many contests but not yet recognized with a trophy...I really like the piece and hope you will consider these suggested changes before judging.


  • nobodys-girl
    June 30
    Edit | Reply
    ya...while this is a good poem i see no rhyme... thank you for entering my contest anyway thought..


  • ladylyric
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely penned. Thank you for entering.


  • God of Thunder
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    nicwe write here very good thoights thank you


  • English.Muffin silver member
    June 12
    Edit | Reply
    hmm i dont really see how this is related to my contest? No alliteration, no rhyme, not rich in description, and i dont see the poem as an extended metaphor, though please correct me if i am wrong, unless you make changes or tell me that it is an extended metaphor, then this poem, which is good in its own way, will not go far in this contest.

  • Sky Prince Ireland gold member
    June 11
    Edit | Reply
    Good job. Thanks for entering.
    Good luck.
    Brian


  • Lively Matter
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    Alas, words spoken through definate truths. Although, the world isn't as gloomy as it seems. Either way, very intelligent flow here, and very well spoken. I likey


  • innocence jaded.xx
    June 9

    Edit | Reply

    hmm...yes

    I like this, but I think you could've done more to it. Maybe added a little something. But I love the message portrayed. (:


    Thank you for entering♥


  • BreakingTheSurface
    May 14
    Edit | Reply
    Haha. It's sad how true that is.


  • camo.egg.army.gurl
    May 11
    Edit | Reply
    be so futile in are actions.
    ~~~?????? does not sound...complete???~~~


  • SilverWolf
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    agre with the comment below me
    it does make you think.
    the poem was written in a odd shape, but i liked it.
    thank you for sharing your beleifs with me

    silverwolf


  • etoile
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    this poem really leaves you thinking, I like that. I really like the middle two stanzas best.

    goodluck and thanks for entering

1 - 27 of 27