So very cold and becoming colder still, yet she stays strong,
fighting for her warped vision of perfection,
but the lonely path she walks seems so very long.
She looks at her self, seeing only fat, and more fat,
even a the smallest bite and the guilt comes flooding back,
Like niagra falls drowning her mind, can't wait for the day her stomach is flat.
Everyday she spends hours and hours at the gym,
but just how much more weight can she lose,
on her mission to be beautiful and thin.
What will it take for her to realise,
that beauty is not in the size of her thighs,
But is there hope, can she be saved before she dies?
Author notes
My 5th poem
What are your honest opinions?
Comments
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This is beautiful. I actually used 'Niagra Falls' describing my poem on anorexia/bulimia- 'The Ghosts of Ana.' This is just amazing. 'Like niagra falls drowning her mind, can't wait for the day her stomach is flat.' is my favorite line, also. =)
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I liked this
I feel like the flow makes this an easy read. I think there are 2 problems with poem. 1... I think some more variation in the punctuation would help people stop a second and think about this poems words. I personally read it to fast the first time and didn't completely sink in. The 2nd problem is that line 6 in stanza 1 is a bit choppy. Niagara Falls drowning her mind appears to say the her thoughts are clouded or something like that... and it just didn't quite fit for me, and flow was a lil hard to keep when i passed the line.
Maybe something like
Niagara Falls drowns her mind and she....
or possibly take the allusion of Niagara Falls out altogether and find a subject more relative to starvation, being fat or skinny, a Famous person who had struggled with anorexia...something like that...
Ok anyway enough with pointing out the 2 things i think I could help out on...
The rest of this Poem is absolutely wonderful for ur fifth poem. The flow was perfect save line 6, and the way u made the rhyme so melodic was awesome.
I always love to hear from new writers, and i think i like this one enough to check out another poem u have..
Continue to bleed the black blood.
Peace and love-
Lost
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Absolutely beautiful...having known people who have had anorexia I think that this is an outstanding poem capturing the nightmare that it is. You have done an amazing job.
"Like niagra falls drowning her mind, can't wait for the day her stomach is flat."
Loved that.
Thankyou for sharing and Write On!
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