That Sunday morning smell
coffee and croissants
Picked up fresh from the baker down the road
A slow cruise home
savouring the peace
enjoying the quiet
Destroyed in an instant
by a broken lock
and shattered glass
Running through the house
screaming your name
coffee on the floor
croissants against the wall
Blood and sirens
My love, My Love
You are no more
That Sunday smell
Author notes
Option 5 - Coffee
T1ger
A contest entry
- Word Prompt by BarbedWireButterfly.
1650 points, ended April 27, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I found this too short and abrupt for the message you were trying to convey. You start the poem with a slow flow and end up at too fast. The end appears as if it needs a lot more to display the emotions you want. I think if you add an extra stanza, this poem will be absolutely magnificent.
Despite that fact, this was a very enjoyable read. I hope you do not feel that my advice is invasive and if it appears so I apologise. Thank you for entering and good luck. -
wow. for a prompt of the word coffee, this went somewhere i wasnt expecting! this is really great, the imagery is very very strong throughout (i could picture it all so clearly), and the crazy sudden BAM subject change in the middle is fantastic. oh and the ending is awesome in a sad, unnerving kind of way.
amazing and good lucks!
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Thank you so much :0
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