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calls to passerby

Streaks of lightning
terrified
wandering in
the raging, dark
Thunder of needs
roaring inside

Walk with me this night
passerby

Shall you accept what's offered

Sweet... so sweet
taste of me
wanting you
needing you
soothing you

soft... so soft
feel of me
tempting you
luring you
charming you

quiet... so quiet
quick catching sigh

passerby

slowly
degree by painful
degree
teetering helplessly
on the final
brink
compassion mixed
with hunger

passerby

mouth avid
desperate
such torture
not to sample
eyes of cobalt in
the dim of light
inner storm
willing to
surrender
like never
before

to passerby

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • Oh my how nice. Almost as if you are pleading and yet calling at the same time. Great work. I really liked the way you use poetic devices here. Thanks for sharing honey. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you. Kahy


  • Beating gold member
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    Someone else said that there were too many "you"'s and "me"s, but I disagree. I think the short lines and the many repetitions of those words, made the rythm flow so well. Or at least that's how I read it. It's like I just fell into the words and watched them fall. Very well written!

  • BEAUTIFUL - BRAVO!

    Volumes Spoken!  


    "Walk with me this night
    passerby"

     

    Very Good, Howard


  • RedAquarius
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    For me, there is way too many "you" and "me"s used in the middle. I did like the predatory feel you have going on in the write.


  • The Drifter
    April 24

    Edit | Reply
    WOW-What a wonderful invatation--I would berore you could bat an eye.
    Great write--Carries the reader a long likeone cumming--passionate, lewd and hot--uable to stop until the last spasm.


  • DumbBaby
    April 20
    Edit | Reply
    very dark but still kind of sexy..


  • Dark Otter
    April 20

    Edit | Reply

    this I like! period.

    The voice in this intrigues me and lures me on to a finish that I enjoy. Nice repetition through the poem that works well at the end, also! Has a sensual, erotic feel to it without going overboard.

    Yep! Good work!


  • Catacomb
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing. Absolutely thought provoking. I am at a loss for words. Every single poem is explosive and done so well. Great write and goodluck in the contest.


  • Heavens Child
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely written. It sounds like you have a interesting but naughty mind...lol. Best wishes and thank you for entering.


    • darkyinsoul
      April 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your kind words. Naughty not the right word for this one more passionate and intrigued.

  • Awesome...

    Passionate, sensual & alluring...
    Compelling narrative with such wonderful imagery that enthralled throughout...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!


  • Blue30
    April 17
    Edit | Reply
    Oh this has quite an alluring quality to it. Very nicely done.


  • awannabepoet
    April 17

    Edit | Reply

    tempered thoughts and wonderlust

    I wonder if this is naughty or not, for your train of thought could lead one astray. Was the call to this passerby mischievous or was it in a sort of reluctance to accept the forbiddingness of what it is you are seeking.

    One can only take good measure, if a witness they were to little wordless exchange.

    Like it, it is enticing as to what could come next this very day.

    I like it, I like it so!

1 - 13 of 13