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Call of the Sea

Within her deep, dead sailors dwell
And in her keep are souls that fell
She lulls them with her mystery
In hulls of ships from history

Such spirits weep, locked in her cell
Within her deep, dead sailors dwell
With treasure maps greed lures them in
And pleasure soon obscures their sin

They could not wait when they set sail
But it’s too late to tell the tale
Within her deep, dead sailors dwell
And now they reap their last farewell

She waits for you so patiently
In straits and channels wind and lee
Come seamen sleep and she'll foretell 
Within her deep, dead sailors dwell

 

 

iiv

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  • Titus gold member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    coming from the oldeness of antiquity, i can feel creaking wood from the perfect storm from its interpretation. Almost ghostly with the explicite stroke of genius you make their souls display. Tony.


  • TerriMac gold member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply

    Exclent poem

    Fantastic I could see that it lets the imagination run riot a sign of a very well written poem thank you

  • Xxpoison.kissesxX silver member
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! this is excellent

    "Such spirits weep, locked in her cell
    Within her deep, dead sailors dwell
    With treasure maps greed lures them in
    And pleasure soon obscures their sin"

    and that part of the write... was just a breath to take... excellent write and word choice!!:]


  • poisonivystar4
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    I love songs of the sea.


  • Exit-Stage-Right
    May 24
    Edit | Reply

    She lulls them with her mystery
    In hulls of ships from history

    If they're ships from history, then "lulled," past tense, ought to be used.

    -----

    With treasure maps greed lures them in
    And pleasure soon obscures their sin

    I don't understand the context or relevance of "pleasure soon obscures their sin." Pleasure before they sink? While they sink? After they're dead? What does that mean?

    -----

    She waits for you so patiently
    In straights and channels wind and lee

    "Straights," I imagine, should be "straits."

    In truth, straits, channels, harbors and the leeward side of islands are where mariners go to keep from meeting she who waits so patiently.

    -----

    Come seamen sleep and she'll foretell
    Within her deep, dead sailors dwell

    She'll foretell what? How does she foretell to seamen who are sleeping?!

    -----

    Superficially the poem reads well, but I don't think it stands up strongly under scrutiny.


    • Amera gold member
      May 24
      Edit | Reply
      I knew you didn't like it that's why I removed it from your contest.


  • LittleMoon silver member
    May 9

    Edit | Reply
    This has such emotional meaning for me as it is in the deep that my father dwells and I too have his love of the sea and the blood of several generations of the Royal Navy in my veins along with the salt water. A really good rhyme of the sea. Sheila


  • Rose Angel gold member
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing again, luv..between your excellence quatern, and the ominous nature of the maritime poem, you have the readers feeling awestruck with the poem! Asl always you have us spellbound with your writes... penning, dear niece!


  • MargaretG
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    I like quaterns. The complex rhymes you have used, and the accuracy of your iambic tetrameter make this a delightful read. The cautionary tale of greed and consequences is well told. I enjoyed it!


  • Keirii
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!!! This is beautiful!!!

    I can't believe how beautifully you wrote this!!!
    Dude, I'm jealous!!! This is absolutely beautiful!!!

    Sorry, I went a little crazy with the exclamation marks Who cares, you deserve them!!!
    !!!
    !!!
    !!!
    !!!
    !!!
    !!!
    !!!
    !!!


  • Antipodi
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful yearning of the Sea calling to all sailors in strong classic poetic language with lots of vivid imagery and flow dear poet


  • Perfect10
    April 26
    Edit | Reply
    Spooky!

  • MxA
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    I do detect a spooky feeling. It reminds me of Pirates of The Carribean. Nice rhyming, so fluent and the imagery was fantastic. Thank you for sharing.

    MxA


  • Magnetic Storm
    April 26
    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this read. I like the repetition. It is like a classic sailor's song.


  • rbruce gold member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully rhythmic with perfect rhyme. When read aloud it is kind of spooky, but not frightening. An excellent poem that will stand the test of time. Thank you for giving a wonderful poem to us all.


  • Alzurath
    April 25
    Edit | Reply

    Very nice.

    This is a great piece. You described it well, and it definetly let off an eerie presence.


  • Chuck Johnson silver member
    April 25

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    Excellent

    Thank you for a good mystery read this fine evening. A tale of woe that bleeds into the sea of thoughtfulness and brings a foggy ending to the night.


  • Lady Ireland gold member
    April 25
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful words that roll of the tongue.
    d.


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    A very fine write, indeed. Imagery; rhythm, and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.

  • Christopher Y.
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    That was brilliant! I loved how "Within her deep, dead sailors dwell" continuously shifts down one line per stanza. it does add a very ethereal ambience to the piece. The power you give the sea is almost tangible.


  • darkcandle
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    I usually don't like poems that rhyme.
    But I liked this one. Usually, poems I've read have a mechanical "sound" to them when the author attempts the rhyme.
    As far as I know, this poem does not do that.
    Thank you


  • VelvetWings
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    While I don't often enjoy rhyming poems, this one was nice to read and has a unique flow when read aloud. Is it a particular form? (Since I notice repetition of rhyming words and a line.)
    Thanks for sharing your piece, and good luck in the contest!
    ~Sparrow

  • Chris D
    April 25
    Edit | Reply

    Really clever and atmospheric

    Like this a lot. Clean and skilfull. Very moody.


  • Arrianna MacEwan
    April 24
    Edit | Reply
    very well writen poem, it does have a spooky sound to it as well. Great write


  • stuart-william
    April 24
    Edit | Reply
    excellent and completely believed the personification! Keep it up!


  • Romeo Dragonheart
    April 24

    Edit | Reply
    Okay so yeah I'm tototally impressed by your work now, That poem was amazing and combined with the words and reading aloud i'm just yeah it's great the imagery and the overall feel just captivate me
    AMAZING JOB
    MASK


  • SinfullyYoursLove
    April 24

    Edit | Reply

    really good

    hey that was a really nice poem.i like that line
    'Within her deep, dead sailors dwell'it really is powerful.i like the way you used your imagination.


  • PerfectTonight
    April 24

    Edit | Reply
    I am usually deterred by end-line rhyme, but the alliteration and story here really kept me rapt. Great job!

    I loved-

    Within her deep, dead sailors dwell
    And now they reap their last farewell


    Thank you for sharing!


  • Warxpro
    April 24
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done!


  • PurpleSky
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    congradulations on holding down the number one space here on AP its a wondrful fealing isnt it! anyways I enjoyed this and it is right where it belongs. Thanks for the great read
    huggles
    Lena


  • Myth
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    That was awesome. I loved how you repeated: "Within her deep, dead sailors dwell" one line later in each stanza (I hope that makes sense). That was really creative, and the flow of the poem was great.


  • dreams of a gypsy
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    you did a wonderful job my friend and it was what you wanted. it makes one use the what creativity lies within us to picture this tale. you did a amazing job. continue writing i will continue reading

  • arnab
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    superb!

    i loved the simple yet beautiful rhyme and the pattern that you followed with the line "Within her deep, dead sailors dwell" .. good writing..


  • Jay81
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    hey I really enjoyed that, it had some rhythm to it. There was something eerie about it.

    Check out my serenity, you may like it.


  • campanaro silver member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely write!!!

    Magnificent poem!!
    This was written so eloquently,
    It spoke to us right from the sea and history.
    Great!
    Thanks for sharing this write.
    The very best to you in the contest.
    Love Peace
    campanaro


  • wynd-fyre
    April 23
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing, I love it!


  • Kyuutan-megumi
    April 23
    Edit | Reply

    Pretty

    I love the words that u used they are very good. Keep it up!


  • rollingzen
    April 23
    Edit | Reply
    well done

  • poetrynovice
    April 23
    Edit | Reply

    Great Form!

    Wish I could write form poetry such as this. Very good writing and a great story!


  • Treasure 5 gold member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is a pretty awsome write. Good luck in the contest. This is excellent. It was a pleasure to read.


  • GonewiththeWind
    April 23
    Edit | Reply
    Love it...great rhyming and flow


  • The Gambler
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very beautiful poem the imagery is enchanting and the rhyming scheme and cadence is amazing.


  • nobumagawaX
    April 22
    Edit | Reply

    enchanted!!!

    verry nice!!! love this...good luck on the contest!!
    i feel like a sailor now!! hahahahaha

  • laiqua aran
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    The Queen of Elves has written well
    And used her forms to weave her spell
    In formal verse she tells us all
    About the sea and how she'll call


    Great stuff My Queen


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    Not bad, Sis.

  • Just a poet gold member
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    The lyrical and mournful sound your iambic pentameter creates is wedded to the eery repetition of the form to produced a sound wholly in keeping with the content, a poem that stands out even amongst your stunning œuvre.

  • Flamecaster
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    OMG...outstanding...loved your whole poem...


  • Messiah Methusala
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. This was amazing. It flowed so well together and it gives a spooky air to the piece as it was written. Especially if you read it aloud, lowly to yourself. The imagery was aesthetically pleasing too. A plethora of words, lines, and phrases... It was divine. Keep up the amazing writing. I look forward to reading more of your works.


  • Denerica
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    The sea is so powerful, majestic and beautiful that has a dark side, this is excellent of course, imagery, flow, awesome.Blessings.

  • piggyback
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... I've always seen the sea as something wonderful. You're right the rhymes do something to it, make it sound special. This is a way of seeing it that may not be pretty but it's clever and descriptive. I like the anticipation it shows. Nice work here


  • Michelle-Elizabeth
    April 21

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    This is amazing! I love it! The rhyming is so perfect, and the words can actually give you goosebumps if you're reading this somewhere dark and silent! The imagery is great, and I love the title too!
    Keep writing Thanks for sharing!

  • poetrynovice
    April 21
    Edit | Reply

    Nice!

    Liked the imagery and nice use of desciptive language. Great rhyming scheme, too.

  • brownie2838
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    really great poem... u should publish it


  • Dalaney gold member
    April 21

    Edit | Reply

    I refuse to read the comments below until I have written mine

    this is haunting - shivery, shimmery, and sends a cold little tickle right down my spine.  Of course, the rhyme is 'dead' on   I love poems about the sea, about pirates and ghosts and mermaids...this one is going to be bookmarked.

     

    love, lane

     

    PS: NOW i'm going to read your many many comments

    • Amera gold member
      April 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much Lane. It's not that often that my work is up there with yours on the popularity list. Your comments mean so much to me.


  • tara wilson gold member
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    this is absolutely lovely, even in its sadness, it has that being on a boat feel you are so talented with forms -- and this one suits the subject matter.


  • redbarchettadrive gold member
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    Perfection!


  • Wandika gold member
    April 21
    Edit | Reply

    Just so perfect!

    It has a goose bumpy feel to it.

    Jim

  • Phantomdreaming
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    very beautiful poem the imagery is vivid and enchanting and the rhyming scheme and cadence is very well done...reminds me of the rhythm of the sea waves...also the archetypal imagery of this poem reminds me of some myths and stories e.g. reminds me of the novel 'Island of Dead Ships' by Belayev classic fictional sci-fi Russian novel about the Bermuda triangle, where all dead ships eventually rest and how some sailors that survived inhabited the island made of the remains of those ships...sort of like a city...they were sort of dead to the world...or considered dead at least and were ghost-like in some ways)...I love that book and this poem reminded me of it...great work!


  • sorries
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    why son't you do a video and have a voice over? That would be soo cool. I like this form.


  • Ronztrek
    April 20

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    I love how you captured the essence of the mystery that beholds the sea. As we are composed of mostly water our selves, perhaps the sea only calls some of us home.
    I truly enjoyed this piece of fine poetry, well done!

    Ron


  • Emmyb gold member
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    very clever. loved the repetition of
    Within her deep, dead sailors dwell

    Interesting and beautiful rhyming. You have quite a talent for avoiding cliche forced rhymes.

    This feels complete. well rounded. wholesome. and I am grateful to have come across it

    Emma


  • awannabepoet
    April 20

    Edit | Reply

    wonderfull story

    I love the feel of this piece for it rhymes well and there was no not to squint at the imagination some do take to hit meter and form.

    The story it does stand well and would make a great sailor's tall tale.


    I like it, I like it so!


  • bigperm
    April 20

    Edit | Reply

    I get the spooky feel...

    I think the internal rhymes really help to control your tone and flow. This reads as a fable or perhaps an old pirate's minstrel. With unforced rhyme and meter, I am especially taken by the 2nd stanza. One is reminded of so many naval blunders and blemishes: Atlantis, the Titanic, the Bermuda Triangle etc.  


  • soulfultia gold member
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    Sadly haunting is how this felt to me. Well done! Having been in the Navy for 9 years, the Stark came to mind and the sailors that died when their ship was bombed. We repaired the berthing compartment of that ship and haunting it was. Excellent penning ~Tia

  • metamorphosis73
    April 20
    Edit | Reply
    I love the story.


  • albymyheart gold member
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, you do get that haunted feeling, cloaked in mystery when you read this. The rhyme and form you chose works very well to convey the story. Lovely to read...alby

  • Macsword
    April 20
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    Excellent piece...

    This reads so well and I think you achieved "spooky"

    Well done poet.

  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    April 19
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    Superb

    'tis a very fine write, indeed. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us.


  • DogFish silver member
    April 19
    Edit | Reply
    ...sounds like a chant with the drum beat on a galley!

  • Jablz
    April 19
    Edit | Reply

    good show mate

    Very nice, you paint great images with your words, Sail on captain


  • Visions to Ponder
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    The rhyming and just about everything was very well done. This is very nice and I like the title too. Great write and good luck on your future writes.

  • Thor-201
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    The rhyming and internal rhyming are excellent. I did, as you suggested, and read it quietly aloud, and it is positively haunting. My compliments.
    Trent


  • Griswold silver member
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    Oh very nicely done, it does have a haunting feel to it and the form is perfect for the write and emotions drawn from it. Best of luck to you, although you probably won't need it. Scott


  • joyfuljossie
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    this is nice. I found it calming and rhythmatic, almost like being lulled by the sea itself.Very mystical ZGreat write.


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    April 19

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome - Love it!!

    I see your famously creative muse is hard at work, and as always, mesmerizing all of us with this haunting song of the sea... Thank you for sharing this brilliant write, I'm wishing you all the best, in all ways. Take care, Poetess!! Cyn xx


  • Howard Manser gold member
    April 19

    Edit | Reply

    VERY NICE!

    Flowed very well with an underlying current, "dead sailors dwell" Well done, great read worthy of retention. Howard


  • JohnnyD gold member
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    Hmnnnnnnnnn........very nicely done- but then what else would I expect from you Cubbie? And yes= out loud it reads somewhat spooky-like a New Orleans grave yard on a cloudy- full moon night.

    "dead sailors dwell-surfing upon the swells"



    love ya

    Dad


  • SummerlandRayne gold member
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning...this reads right along...just perfectly stunning. Always left amazed and inspired.


    Az


  • Pure Thought silver member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    I can see Captain Blackbeard, a grimaciing ghost, standing on the bow of his ship. As it rocks back and forth, pitching up and down, he bellows without effort this eerie warning to would be sailors of the deep.

    Fantastic, indeed worthy of reading and book marking. I think I shall read it upon waking in the morning, when my voice is deepest.


  • darkyinsoul
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wow it is spooky when recited out loud in a whisper. Excellent done and you paint a beautiful and mistical pict.
    Thanks for the share.
    Aleshia


  • Rovingone gold member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    It was spooky, yes. And, a fine tale of the sea and Davey Jones Locker. Though it was a female personification, it fit well with the yarns sailors told of the sea.

  • Papagallo
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    this was most beautiful. I love the sea. I wish we lived near the ocean, so I could see and enjoy her mystery. You did the sea an honor here. Thanks for sharing.


  • malmadre gold member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    I certainly love the internal rhyme! I would love to hear this recited by Cap'n Jack Sparrow himself. This is great!


  • XLadyElinorX
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    ooooh. . .definitely spooky. . . The repeating line is perfect and has such a wonderful flow. . .the whole poem does. . .I love it, Amera. 'Tis really excellent. (and I wish I had some other word to describe it. . .it's so haunting)

    ♠ Lady Elinor

  • Topnotchsy
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    This is stunning (as pretty much everything I've read from you is.) I've been working on a poem for this contest, but I may just have to hope for a silver after seeing this write.

  • Eusebius
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    Superb! Absolutely superb! I wish I'd written it! The last stanza is extremely potent... a most wondrous and splendid poem of the sea! Needless to say I loved it...


  • Ken-Maverick
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    Cleverly penned,
    lonely sailors do tend to fall victim don't they,
    that I understand, but if it was just a typical bloke, that would be quite sad, a smart guy would know the dangers of the deep.
    This is a lighthouse of a write Amera.
    Well done buddyette!!!

    Ken


  • pranj
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful! And yes Spooky too as you wanted it to be!
    Great! You really grasp the readers hreart and mind!
    As always! Amazimg!!!!!!!


  • PerVirtuous
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know how hard most people read your poetry, but I know to look deeply. For example:

    With treasure maps greed lures them in
    Her pleasure soon obscures their sin

    Six rhyming words in 16 syllables! Wow! It makes sense, it is a good story, and with all those internal rhymes it is great fun to read aloud. This really is a gem. Bravo, standing ovations, and bunnies.


  • StarEyes
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    Sis,

    What a read this one is! I love every word of it, and you know, I felt as if I was right there as this was happening! Wow! Great job!

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • Cup-a-Joe
    April 17

    Edit | Reply

    in a low voice

    You have a knack of taking me to the place you
    write about. I now fear the deep waters.

    Joe


  • Swangrnv gold member
    April 17
    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    the rhyme and the flow was PERFECT! this was simply flawless from start to end!


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite spellbinding. I always read your work aloud because you have great rhyme and flow. The internal rhyme and repeating lines add much to the feeling of the work.
    A joy to read.

    Love
    Sue


  • Pisces Pieces
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    It most definitely has a spooky feeling!! I thought that even before I read your author notes...

    You have woven a tale that could easily be based on true events to some extent. The sea is alluring..it's so beautiful near the surface but much of the time it seems that the deep is another, more mysterious, and darker story...

    Excellent!

    ♥


  • maralisa silver member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    a brillant write for the promt amera I realy liked this your flow and rhyme is wonderful throughout as always good luck in the contestmaralisa


  • Legend silver member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    So pleased i placed you on my list(should have done it sooner) once more you have proved just how accomplished you are when it comes to putting your thoughts down.Never a problem with rhyme flow or content Excellent


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    I must look like a tool, reading this aloud in a booming voice but wow, this is performance poetry this is. Superb in every way my sweet lady. No luck needed. xx

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