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When it hath never been earned~

Those who abuse power sit from a lofty precipice,
a high overreaching cliff in the darkness...

Their motive is darkness, they peer blindly into it...

The dimly lit stars in the background faintly twinkle, as if the only
moral compass they knew drifted further.... further....

No they had lost themselves, venomously guiding the mechanisms of
fate, those much greater than they.. who earned their place, drifted
beyond the horizon...

The sun, with its iridescent rays of perseverance, love, candor, and a
sense of completion had fallen over the distant
lake...

The cold air whipped at the denizens; the inhabitants whose pallor had
lost all humanity, they; the abusers of power when it hath never been
earned...

by P.T.R.

Author notes

I wrote this piece to recall a sort of dark subject matter... The stanza pertaining to the sun relates adjectives that one may feel, rather bluntly contrasts to rest of the piece... This was in part, my intention; to shower a brief glimmer of contrast and hope to what the denizens are not, nor will ever strive to become...

Prompt~ Spirited Away (a masterpiece)

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    October 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was dark but good. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for entering and best of luck too you in the contest. Keep up the amazing work!


  • Lyrical Rain
    May 28
    Edit | Reply
    Read my contest rules plz. This must be spoken word and 25 lines or more.


  • Night Terrors
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    that was very deep. I think you did amazing with this.



    The Positives:
    great imagery and it sounded really clever I loved it


    Room For Improvement:
    Nothing I can see you did wonderful



    My Favorite Part:
    The dimly lit stars in the background faintly twinkle, as if the only
    moral compass they knew drifted further.... further....

    No they had lost themselves, venomously guiding the mechanisms of
    fate, those much greater than they.. who earned their place, drifted
    beyond the horizon...

    this part was so amazing!
    Overall:

    I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~

  • trekkergirls bank
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    I am sorry but you did not follow the rules in this contest. I wanted only drabbles of 100 words... not 99 and not 101. You went over this and in all honesty I cannot let you place in this contest. It wouldn't be fair to the people who followed the rules.


  • Beating gold member
    May 3
    Edit | Reply
    I felt that the imagery was a bit too much. It starts out well, with a picture and morale that you could follow easily, but then I felt that the imagery took over, instead of the actual meaning that you started out with. Of course the imagery does add a certain feel to the piece, which is good, but I think you could do well by toning it down just a bit. Other than that, good job in this.

  • abmsem
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    I really like it, it leaves a lot unanswered and it is a great write


  • NickBlaze
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    Great write indeed (and inspired by something much greater still). The imagery is great, the metaphor great as well, though the ellipses are somewhat obnoxious, they do add to the "wispy" somewhat "dream-like" atmosphere of the poem.


  • BrokenAngel24
    April 23
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the entry, good luck!

    Carlie


  • XXAgedWithDespairXx
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    hmm very thought provoking.Good Luc


  • Catacomb
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing imagery, quite dark and very powerful. Interesting take on Spirited away, I wonder if you were refering to Chechiro's parents who indulged themselves with the food prepared for the spirits, or rather refered to the bathouse owner and her miss use of power and bad judgement? I am not quite sure, but this was still an insightful and deep write. Thank you for entering.


  • TheDemonEve
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    The subject may inspire anger, but I don't think that anger pushed through well enough in this poem. Aside from that, this piece is a wonderfully written work of art. Great writing!

    Best of luck and thanks for entering!


  • Heavens Child
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    Ah... some really great imagery, with an equally good message. Very well written. Best wishes and thank you for entering.


  • Blue-Rose Beauty gold member
    April 19
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting.


  • samantha jean
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    'The sun, with its iridescent rays of perseverance, love, candor, and a
    sense of completion had fallen over the distant
    lake...' - This is so beautiful.

    Your imagery is amazing.
    Thank you so much for entering my contest, and good luck.


  • petalblue2
    April 18
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmm, very nice quality. Imagery is fabulous. Language is diverse and detailed, every word perfectly placed. The philosophy of thought, however is the most impressive. Much enjoyed
    Blue~


  • English.Muffin silver member
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    nice poem, i think it can losely fit my option[s] but i liked the poem regardless, good imagery and captivating ending, very nice meaning behind it and poetically written, kudos

  • XxLoverOfDarknessxX
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful poem. i thought it was written very well. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck!


  • badnovocaine
    April 17
    Edit | Reply
    Oh my gosh this is really gorgeous. I was hoping I would get a prose piece in here. I felt like I was at the beginning of a really good novel and I wanted more, it had me at suspense.
    And I like the realness of the subject you have brought to light here.

    Thank you.

1 - 18 of 18