i.
i allowed myself to collapse when you struck a high note
on the wire that stitched my heart indefinitely together. it
used to be midnight phone-calls with an emotion that was
sugared in toxin, but now, i've lost count of how many times
i've deleted your number from my address book . only because
the sense of reason set in my bloodstream for so long when
i was unwilling to breathe in the truth. but you discarded the
strength to simply try , so i put forth my weakness to care
and allowed you to walk over me with steel-tip boots, leaving
me bruised and battered;
just like before.
ii.
i can't say i expected any less from you. after all, you did
wear your crimson heart on your sleeve and unattached it
to place it so endearingly next to a mirrored one; all because
you craved the desire to have the upper hand. but i've super-
glued my lips shut for over a month now, and i won't break
this silence that i've failed to conquer when you first tempted
me with shame. just because you make a fascinating and
appealing impression on me every time you walk underneath
my lungs to paralyze my ribcage, so i'm unable to stabilize
my stance, i can no longer feel like an open-ended option to
you.
& i won't beg for you to make up your mind.
iii.
it'll be a year in a month ever since you wrapped your arms
around my fragile waist and whispered impossibilities into my
ear to assure me i was safe . we never stayed the same, but
sometimes, i wonder if i was the only one who felt dismayed.
then again, i resolve my questioning and come to the conclusion
that i was alone. you couldn't handle the bullshit i went through
to get closer to you . i highly doubt you could conscientiously
grasp it. but even if i unravel shame upon your fractured ego,
it wouldn't leave a scrape of sensibility, as you lost your will to
care.
iv.
let me assure you, i didn't just study the beauty of constellations
for a yearning of leisure; i only searched the stars for an answer
that would lead me down a brick road of closure. i won't leave
you in dismay or approach your motives, but i also can't pretend
that we've settled on friendship as an assumption. i have tried
so hard to let our magnetism attract us together naturally, though
even pushing us together seemed to only turn us the other way.
she was yours, and now that she's not, it still doesn't change
what i've said, or what you've done .
v.
so when you stand boorishly in my doorway with not a single
idea on how to begin a conversation with me, realize that your
second chances are pouring out of my sweatshirt pocket,
bargaining for capture; and that i'm only biting my swollen tongue
so i won't have to walk through another traumatic disaster with
you. i'll assume we're acquaintances, and continue on with my life
as you drag wretchedly through yours. but i guarantee wanting
you will cease with the time you spend clinging to your doubts;
but i can't promise the emotion won't be entangled inside of my
stomach when you watch me with a steady pace like you always
used to.
we were just too average people with an incomplete beginning;
and an ending that began as soon as you smiled.
.xx
Silver trophy winner
Honorable mention
Bronze trophy winner
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