dear past self,
why couldn't you have just let it go. it would have been healthier for you, and peace within your heart could have been within arms reach, yet you chose to pursue a love that was useless. whiplash was the only side effect and eating dust was a constant reminder.
I loved the way you were able to drive with one hand on the wheel, one hand laced among mine, fingertips pressing against each other, static electricity escaping from every pore.
dear present self,
I hate it. I've swung like a pendulum, from one extreme to the other and maybe now I'll start swinging back to the more balanced view. love to hate to numbness. I'm rather looking forward to it.
I wish I knew how to deal with people like you. charisma poured from your veins and often left me with a feeling of elatedness, until we separate and my mood swiftly changes. the butterflies fluttering in my stomach died, I ached for days and I tried everything to get you out of my system. the bile dripped into the marble sink and cigarette butts littered my roof. I learned how to flick belmonts over the fence so no one would ever find out. I learned that I loved marlboros as well.
I need to stop.
dear future self,
read this and learn.
Author notes
he really is my personal charlatan.
ugh. the day he left I had a cigarette. I haven't told anyone. but now everyone knows.
37/150.
In a list
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A contest entry
- you; by written-in-ink.
900 points, ended April 27, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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The first sentence should have a question mark at the end of it.
"fingertips pressing against each other, static electricity escaping from every pore."
Beautiful. But maybe 'other - static' or a semi-colon, the comma doesn't really fit or so methinks.
I don't know why I didn't comment this poem - because I definitely remember reading it...
Anyway, I've been here and done that with the dark eyed boy...but it's alright (:
Very deserving of bronze =]
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lol I don't wanna edit it cause my pretty font will go away
stupid lack of gold membership. but when I get it again (hopefully next month) I'll fix this.. if I still remember haha
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Very Good!
I loved your treatment of a very real situation and expecially the conclusion.
"I need to stop.
dear future self,
read this and learn."Howard
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first the good:
amazing title. it drew me in & is veryvery creative.
you have amazing wording + imagery.
now for the tearing-apart.
personally, i understand the two 'yous' in the first part, but it could get confusing. i get the you then i though. like "past self" is sort of a different person.
& this: until we separate and my mood swiftly changes.
i get that you're trying to say that this still happens, but it's a major tense conflict.
everything besides this one phrase is past tense. confuzzling.
otherwise amazing.
best of luck.
:] *hugs*
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this is going to be confusing, but in the first paragraph you're talking to yourself AND aaron with 'you'
and in the second one, you say 'I' for yourself.
so in the first paragraph maybe change 'you' when you're talking about yourself to 'I' so it wont confuse readers. -
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would it be legit to change the aaron-yous to he?
cause I wanan keep the emma-you in the past self stanza
hopefully you understand what this comment even means lmfao
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yeah except then change all the aaron-yous to he in every paragraph
and change ALL the emma-I's to emma-yous. -
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hm. but like in the past I'm a 'you' but in the present I'm an 'I'
I thought that makes sense. why do I have to change all the emmas to one thing? :S:S:S:S
argh I hate grammar.
another reason I don't wanna change it is cause the font is pretty lol
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good point.
ugh why can't I write normally.
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my ex left on the day I had a cigarette too. the two weren't directly related though.
"whiplash was the only side effect and eating dust was a constant reminder"
- love.
best of luck. -
very very nice
i love the divison of times -
I love the heartbreaking transitions from differeent point of views in tenses. This makes for extremely emotive, personal and intriguing read.
Fantastic.
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Oh. This is heart-breaking.
It makes me sigh like my lungs haven't felt this kind of oxygen in hours.
I love how you addressed your past, present, and future self - it's full of brilliancy.
Amazing write!
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