I don’t believe it.
You’re actually gone…
Another train off the tracks
It hurts looking back now
For these memories haunt me
I’m numb but still feel
This is surreal.
This can’t be true.
I miss you so much.
How I wish I could walk through
the doors of my mind
Hold memory close at hand
Help me understand the years
Do you see how much I need you right now?
I’ll never forget.
If you can hear me
I’ve got something I’d like to say,
“I’ve always loved you.
You could always put a smile on my face.
And when something was wrong I worried until you got better.
Thank you for truly understanding me.
Knowing that you understood and were proud of me
That lifts me up, makes me strong.
So I would like to say thank you Papa.
I’ll see you at the end.”
Love,
Courtney
A contest entry
- I Love You And Goodbye by RawrSmileBabyPlz.
400 points, ended April 22, 143 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Handle a REAL Critique? by DramaQueen469.
900 points, ended May 8, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want poems about grief here by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended May 19, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Contest III by T.o.r.t.u.r.e..
700 points, ended May 18, 126 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
any suggestions??
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I believe they can still hear and see us.........But that's me...I've lost a lot of family...& I want to believe that. I got a lot of emotion out of this poem, it made me feel as though you were initially very lonely and saddened. But in the end, you've addressed the grief...and found a way to cope, which a lot of people have a hard time figuring out how to do and you being so young...well, that really reflects your wisdom
Very nice write! Thank you for sharing...
Cheers!
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ohooh the colors that are in here are interesting.! and this is a good poem. thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
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nicely written poem to your papa... I would assume that he is gone. And you are very right about the memories. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.
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Thanks for entering!
First off, the emotion really pours out of this piece
As a technical review, you need to look at your use of punctuation - in some places you seem to have it, then it slips away again
Sometimes it helps to write it out in story format, put all the punctuation in where it needs to go, then re-edit into a poem.
On a slightly related note (and I say this as someone who did the same thing for YEARS), it isn't necessary to capitalise the first letter of every line, unless the form calls for it. Generally, the beginning of each sentence is sufficient.
However, you use emotive language well, and you have a nice range of vocabulary in this poem
Overall, this was an enjoyable read. Thankyou very much for entering, and I wish you the best of luck!!
Maria
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Aw.. this is sad. The outcome of it being a letter was a very creative idea, thanks for entering (:
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Did you mean “hear” instead of “here” in the first line of the second stanza?
This was nice. The first stanza had emotional turmoil with a wide range of emotions invading your mind. Then in the second stanza, it’s almost like you settled and were able to move on. Good job =]
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a touching write
i loved the revelation at the end that this was not about any lost lover but the loss of a father instead. that is a wonderful surprise!!
i also enjoyed immensely the hope shown in the ending words, 'i'll see you at the end'....gorgeous way to end this wonderful write!
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its actually about my grandfather who passed away last nite but thanx you..
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