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Below the surface

 

He rises each morning

a different man

 

The previous day's stains

subdued by night

 

Smokes a stale cigarette

and drinks bitter coffee

to disguise the bile biting

 

Swarthy skin tattooed

with unforgiving reminders

of what he could have been

 

had the inner voices

not won their daily battle

 

A sailor venturing

exotic foreign ports

or perhaps a scholar

delving deep the mysteries

 

But he is a simple man

living a mundane life

to those looking on

 

For no one sees his sins

cast in the shadows

or hears the voiceless screams

 

as the demons rise

within his soul to claim

their victory

 

So you pass him by

unnoticed

He is another of the

faceless

 

And he wonders -

do you hear the trees whisper

while the forest roars?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Name chacterization prompt: Tanner

(No idea where that came from, the name just spoke it to me... The last part means something to me. I'd be curious to know what it says to you.)

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Comments

1 - 71 of 71

  • Palas Kumar Ray
    November 13

    Edit | Reply
    You have a very unique style of saying the things step by step as if you peel off the layers to reach the core of the character.I can feel your sharp eyes on him scanning his every move as if waiting for the demon to rise .

  • I meant I AM reading... lol

    *lick*

  • wow.... I am not reading this for the 3rd time. It has an amazing feel to it.

    Nice work.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    September 4

    Edit | Reply

    Congrats on the gold!

    Wow, such a deeply chilling piece...how could I have not read it sooner! It has such a strong undertone, that anyone you pass on the street can be a mass murderer or something...what a thought! The end says several different things, depending on the read, I've read this through several times and the last bit can be interpreted differently each time, the rest however said the same to me each time. A superbly tense and chilling piece hunni congrats on the much deserved gold!


  • mysticstorm gold member
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    How brilliant and chilling! WOW you took this name and ran with it...the whole thing reminds me of someone with very dark seeded secrets...like another Ted Bundy or Jack The Riper...it is a trip into the mind of someone very scary...I love the closing stanza, it is wonderful and so fitting...
    Congrat's on the well deserved Gold!

    Love,

  • had the inner voices
    not won their daily battle


    and more. I am so glad that I checked out your poetry for this one alone. Faceless is a great prompt. Care if I use it in a contest?

    I have entered several of your contests, and even won a couple. So, I had some extra time and wanted to read your work. I think I've read some in passing, but I would like to know more. This is so good.


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      August 4
      Edit | Reply
      Oh absolutely.. I'd love to see what would come out of contest with that prompt.


      Thanks again!

  • Wow Jacks!!! That was deep!!!

    And pretty dark for you too, I love it, you wield your darkness well...
    Such a powerful bit of story telling wrapped in a captivating narrative had me gripped throughout...
    Impressive as always...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!

  • wow really powerful... love it....

    And he wonders -
    do you hear the trees whisper
    while the forest roars?


    i really liked that part..... thanks for sharing this and congrats on the gold well deserved.... missed ya.... hugs

  • this is powerful
    "And he wonders -

    do you hear the trees whisper

    while the forest roars?"

    i like that part very much


  • tstock
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    I like this one a lot. I have a poem that is similar in some ways and will post it. let me know what you think. it appears we may know the same guy

  • Oh my goodness!!! This is incredible! There is a depth here, such an intensity ... You gave a voice to the voiceless, and a face to words. I have read very few who could even attempt this, and this write surpasses them all. I am in awe, well worthy of gold! Excellent piece!

  • graydeth
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing is all I can say. So vivid, the pictures you paint, I can see this person in my head so clearly. And the last part, such an interesting and reflective question! It begs to be turned into a poetic response.

  • chiefmac
    May 24
    Edit | Reply
    So deserving of trophy. The everyday man without hero written on plaque but shows up for work on time ready to work. Never expects to do more than care for his family needs. Great ending to ask if trees whisper as the forest roars, metphor for does what is expected.

  • nice one! congrats on the gold so worthy of it

  • OOh Awesome ending! You really told a story with this piece! Congratulations on the Gold.

  • How amazing you are...I stand in awe of this write which for some strange reason reminds me so much of myself now days. I think the ending verse is one of the most powerful and artistic verses I have ever read in my life.

    Love and Hug's
    Az


  • Edie gold member
    May 1
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations! A win most deserving!

  • Now we are talking, this is the sort of thing I wanted for this contest, something delving deeper than just a name and so much meaning. Thank you for restoring my faith in this contest. Best to you in the contest


  • notorious gold member
    April 26
    Edit | Reply
    So, telleth me when you win something so I can yell out MAZEL TOV like I'm Jewish


  • lunarlunacy
    April 26
    Edit | Reply
    third read in a row and the gut still churns

  • lunarlunacy
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    reread, this time the goosebumps were followed by a watering of eyes. Damn you woman. this is fuckin biting marrow
    and spitting salvation into a mirror
    hoping the well might not be completely dry
    willing to tramble bramble and briar
    and look into the reflection


  • lunarlunacy
    April 26
    Edit | Reply
    fuck that gave me goose bumps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • motel silver member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    the images in this write are striking and subtle at the same time ... subtle but with a striking underlying current.
    thanks and good luck in the contest.


  • cloe009
    April 23
    Edit | Reply
    wow a really great write he must be importent to you


  • aboomer silver member
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    wow, love the depth in this! Great wording, emotion, images - excellent!
    and so true - on the outside, we may seem like a normal person, but inside we are full of conflicts and pains - yet no one sees that....
    well done!
    best wishes in the contest


  • Rend the Veil gold member
    April 21

    Edit | Reply

    Hello My Angel,

    another deeply beautiful written piece, your just
    amazing. bravo!!!

    blessings

    R


  • Rose Angel gold member
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    A characterization for sure...You have taken the prompt so creatively..One can almost feel they are inside his skin reading it...You sure are...Such a write!

  • You did a brilliant job here, dear poet. I loved the flow and the second part of the poem.
    Nela


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome sweetie! I love your thoughts
    on this prompt. I hope that you do well with it here! It's great to read you once again. Keep up the wonderful work here and good luck to you!




    Jeremy0826


  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! What you got from just a name...I love this...I am featuring this for "Today's Poem"...


  • Tarja
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    Man. I forgot how much I love your poetry, sweetie. It's really been too long. This is simply amazing but nothing less than what I'd expect from you. You describe so vividly so many real life men I've seen myself. Well done.
    Good luck in the contest.


  • Daizee silver member
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    and I was always drawn to the strong silent types..
    they never go unnoticed to me. Your descriptions are topnotch and your words hold so much truth..

    Love,
    Stacy


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      April 18
      Edit | Reply
      You are one of the few who also notice then Thank you for your lovely comment!


  • Pure Thought silver member
    April 18

    Edit | Reply

    Damn Jackie,

    This gave me chills. It is as if you dipped into my soul to ink the quill of your pen. Read this and YOU get ME, right down to my voiceless screams. Change the name to Buddy, is all you have to do.

    Not only am I going to book mark this but read it as my mantra, to see if I can learn from it.

    I'm stunnned, Buddy

  • Edie gold member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    I like this...I can see him...even smell him.

    Great write and these lines wonderfully strong...

    "Swarthy skin tattooed
    with unforgiving reminders
    of what he could have been

    had the inner voices
    not won their daily battle"


  • Solo Wisp gold member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    "And he wonders -
    do you hear the trees whisper
    while the forest roars?"

    Living the mundane but desiring a popularity of sorts, to be known. That's what I get from the poem in total.

    The last bit, I see a few differing meanings that fit. Could be a play on cliche, can't see the forest for the trees - as towards those that he regards as making him faceless.

    Another I see is, finding the treasures buried in those not as flashy - tend to live in the shadows or have been manipulated behaviorly in a way that these people tend to stick to their beaten path rather than venture out.

    One could assume that feeling faceless shows an uninterested outwardly appearance. But, that too, shows insecurity, because perhaps those that walk by notice, but fear for rejection? Or perhaps they are forced to paint faceless through some type of oppression or behavior.

    Things are not always what they seem .. another cliche statement that may apply.

    Much to think about ..



    ~S

  • notorious gold member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    "He rises each morning
    a different man"
    Impeccable beginning. That I'm listening to a rather broody Metallica song (The Unforgiven <==very laidback; give it a listen, hah) is making these lines EVEN BETTER. Damn.

    "subdued by night"
    A nice reminder for me to use the word 'subdued'...it's so...subdued, but with impact.
    Oh, and cool how 'stains' is used and in the next stanza you mention a cigarette and coffee, both things that physically stain.

    "tattooed
    with unforgiving reminders
    of what he could have been"
    You're very good at what I might call:

    :CCC-writing.

    Love the last 2 lines.

    ;
    Jessica.!

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      April 17
      Edit | Reply
      Dude, you get me! I liked the thought of those being physical stains and in correlation to the stains life can also leave on us.. like, you smoke/drink copious amounts of coffee to cope with those things sometimes right? Anyway.. thanks

      :CCC-writing is perhaps my best genre...? Notwithstanding sensual hahaha


      • notorious gold member
        April 17
        Edit | Reply
        Oh yeah, all the cool people smoke and drink coffee (kidding: just *some* of the cool people). HA.

  • Wow---A very intense and thought-provoking piece--
    Very vivid imagery in its content!
    The conclusion of this composition brings to mind the question as to do we see into a person or object deeply to recognise all of it's charactoristics as to its being or do we just view the exterior to contribute to our opinions or judgement!
    Very Creative and imaginative--Well done & good luck in the contest!


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      April 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much.. and yes, that is one of the meanings I felt behind those lines I have a few


  • DolceVito gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    Outstanding write, Jackie, deep, moving, beautifully expressed; a winner in my book.


  • crimsondew
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful characterization dear...this person seems to be like every ordinary person who has a whole life going for him or her, a life that goes unnoticed to strangers.....like many of us would be to those who do not know us...

    Last part is really striking, like power he holds, his special talent lying dormant in his soul as he refuses to exhibit it or perhaps even dawdles at the idea.

  • chiefmac
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    How ordinary, a man without pretending to be something grand, smarter than others. How simple life is, yet their honor, character and devotion to responsibility is beyond the range of hero, because it is done day in and out to care for what their duty to God, Country and family entails. It is all done on the word of a simple man, who's character has been defined by his word, touch or gesture as an assuring embrace to comfort with a smile


  • faderman1959
    April 16
    Edit | Reply
    Thought provoking and deep! There is always more than what lies at the surface. Very perceptive!


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply

    brilliance

    well my name isn't tanner but i think in a few years this could be a poem i relate to!
    lol really well written. i thoroughly enjoyed this.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting, like the opening of a mystery novel about a man who becomes something much more than he ever realized.

    Nice Jackie!

    All the best,
    love, mj.


  • maralisa silver member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    a brillant write so deep and powerful throughout I love your imagery and depth good luck in the contestmaralisa


  • Swangrnv gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    this feels haunting..the imagery is remarkablly vivid, i actually think i saw this guy with his tattooed reminders staring at me as we walked by each other on the street today..except i'm sitting at home on the 'puter, reading your awesome piece! BTW, I agree wholeheartedly with my friend below..this has GOLD written all over it..

  • Rend the Veil gold member
    April 16
    Edit | Reply

    what so say Angel,

    you penned words that people pray to have, you described a man tortured within his soul for his life
    being such as it is, well Done Master Poetess,

    Gold will knock on this door

    Blessing and love

    Rend


  • rbruce gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    Take a bow, dear poet. The faceless ones are always there, in the crowd, sadly, no one sees them. I hear the tree that whispers amid the forests roar, maybe I'm one of those faceless ones.


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      April 16
      Edit | Reply
      You are not faceless here Bob! My humble thanks for the comment

      • rbruce gold member
        April 16
        Edit | Reply
        Jackie, my avatar is my dog Peter, he is better looking that I. In a way, I am faceless.
        Heavens to murgatroid, who would want to see the pic of my old wrinkly face with my teeth in the bathroom and my white hair a mess. [ That's me normally, though I do scrub up occasionally]


  • Amera gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    Captivating! You took this prompt and penned it all the way to gold. There are so many men like this and it really is sad. Well done!

    Love,
    Amera


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    April 16
    Edit | Reply
    Your name for this contest is Tanner

1 - 71 of 71