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Scattered world

Two souls
far away
got a cloud.
Rainbow was
their staircase,
and they took
a good look
to the world
downstairs.

Sad, sad people
wandering with
no aim,
afraid of
being alone,
wishing to be
themselves
in scattered world…

Too much fear
in the air,
too much tears
shed in vain.
Sad, sad people
wandering with
no clue
in scattered world…

Author notes

F U N N Y G I R L

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • XxNinjaNemoxX
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    I would of loved this if it wasn't so short lines. It seemed to disrupt the flow.
    A good write nonetheless
    Thanks for entering and best of luck
    xoxo.


  • Luckybuddy
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    awwww

    Well i love all dam short and impressive poems and this is one of that. I Love the way you expressed your small message through this poem. A very interesting write to read Keep writing such kind of short and good poems.

    Sad, sad people
    wandering with
    no aim,
    afraid of
    being alone,
    wishing to be
    themselves
    in scattered world…
    These lines are great.
    I can relate to them.

    Stay happy and may god bless you.

    Lucky.


  • tearrsofthemoon
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    I like the small phrases like that, it is kind of jumpy but flowy at the same time, if htat makes any sense at all..haha. I like the story and message behind this piece, it is really interesting to me. And the background is also really fitting for this piece I think. My favorite lines were the first set of lines becuase they seemed to flow really well together and started the tale so perfectly. Nicely written. Thank you and good luck in my contest.


  • Hannah Carr
    May 3

    Edit | Reply

    okay

    Like I like how you word things...but you have to be careful cause how you have it in like two words a line kinda gets awkward and even hard to understand if your not taking care. But I like it.