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Rosebud

They embed a deep harpoon-

 and take you from your womb
No one sheds a tear
It's as if you were never here.

They never gave you a chance
Nor did they wish to take a glance
and see how lovely you would be come

Pity what they did
-- How Dumb ?--
Like clipping the bud from a rose bush
Not allowing it to blossom  
It's sweet aroma forgotten.

Or the first slap of a baby's tush.
Breathing in air-
and that gentle silent stare
In to it's mothers eyes

A child is such sweet Surprise
Not one to be despised!
Love of an infant is beauty and grace.

Such love-- must it leave a bitter taste
on that of a woman's tongue ?

Who's right is it to kill ? --
What has yet not been sprung

Like a flowering tree

 That soon to be flower ask's
Have you forsaken Me?

So think of this when you take the risk

And the doctor tells you his gentle harpoon won't hurt

He'll simply insert-

 and cut the bud from your womb.
Then send you to counsel away any gloom

But do not forget

 From all the regret .
That you are a Rosebush

The bud--

 A Baby's Tush.

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 25 of 25
  • reason removal:

    exceeding 30 line limit, sorry!


  • Griswold gold member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, do you think this has been entered into enough contests? You should remove them it really makes you look desperate in my opinion.(but that's only MY opinion) I suppose the subject matter being what it is you would like to spread it around and that's ok.
    Alright down to business.
    I want to thank you for entering the "Fight for the Gold" contest, it is greatly appreciated. First of all I do like the poem itself and anyone who speaks out against something critical has my respect. I like the way you went about it with the bud metaphor, made it a bit less brutal anyway. Although I would have never in a million years compared a bud to a babys ass. As serious a subject as this and that last line made me bust out. Talk about an Ah-Ha moment!!! I'm sorry if that offends, I do not mean it to. i suppose I should really go to bed and start this all again later. Best of luck to you... Scott

  • ohh a touchy touchy subject.

    Im glad you pulled yourself thru to write something in murkey waters!

    well done and thankyou for a great read!


  • BurnFace
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    I like this. Thanks for adding it.


  • Riftkin gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    Abortion can be cruel, yet it might be best for some.. those whose life is also on the line, or a child that was raped.. yes this is dark. For death is always dark.


  • DancingRed
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Abortion is a great choice of subject and I think your overall metaphor of roses works brilliantly, but perhaps your poem could be more succinct. The first two lines are great. I think the first two lines teamed with the last five would make a powerful piece of poetry by itself.

    They embed a deep harpoon-
    and take you from your womb.
    But do not forget
    from all the regret
    that you are a Rosebush

    the bud--
    A Baby's Tush.

    Thanks for entering!
    DancingRed.

  • this made me think alot but it also put a smile on my face. some good imagery and really well written.
    good luck and thanks for entering


  • BabyBun silver member
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    To be honest I'm not sure about this. I know where you are coming from but I think by presenting such a black and white view of a tough subject, it could alienate some readers. That said, I am glad you entered it as it really made me think.


  • xPink-Lotusx
    June 17

    Edit | Reply

    Hmmmm

    Normally I can find something to correlate a poem that doesnt seem right for a contest, but just because this has something about a rosebud doesnt mean it fits into my contest. It is very rare that I DQ a piece, but I am going to remove this from my contest. Not that I dont like it, its a good poem, quite a mess and needs a lot of work, but the subject is good. Children are a blessing. Sadly I cannot find a way to fit this into my contest and it would not be fair to keep it here when the spot could be given to someone else who has an appropriate entry. Thanks for trying and good luck in your other contests.


  • carrot
    June 16
    Edit | Reply
    The rhyme scheme is a bit bothersome to me. Also, there are several places with random capitalization that makes no sense to me, and commas where there should be apostrophes. There's many misspellings, and word choices that I find a bit . . . juvenile. Also, while I understand the sentiment here, I'm just not sure this one's appropriate for my contest. I'm sorry, I'm just not into this one.

  • i really like this...but it's rhyme, and in my contest it's only prose/freeverse. gahh, sorry. :/

    its a very good poem though. :]

  • Like clipping the bud from a rose bush--
    Not allowing it to blossom --
    bloom would have fit better, but thats petty of me to say that cuz the rest of the poem is lovely and sweet
    thanks for entering

  • Rae2732
    June 8
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this one.

  • Good portrayal of the subject. Nicely done. Thanks.


  • ladybug.
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    This one definitely showed this time. It was full of images and it really made me feel. Good luck and thank you.

  • this is sad and do not really enjoy this stuff, good luck
    in saving a child...


  • Isi
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    I cannot see how this poem can be in any of the categories I listed for my contest, nor would I say that this is a positive poem. I can see that this is not the first time you have entered a contest without reading what the contest is about. Please respect the people who put a lot of hard work into making contests by reading what the contests are about before you enter. Unfortunately I will have to DQ your poem. Good luck in your other contests

    Isi

  • uhhm why the hell did you enter this into my contest??? it has absolutley nothing to do with you at allllll its a nice poem dont get me wrong its great if you like children but my poem is supposed to be about you , honestly what sort of demon possesed you when you entered a poem about abortions into a contest about you and how you see yourself, or who your are, unless you have had a large amount of abortions through out your lifetime and it reflects your personality i am going to DQ you, if you can explain how this poem relates to you and your personality i will not dq you (see i am kinda nice ) well thanx for taking the time to enter any way, btw this is not a personal opinion on your poem it just seems dumb to enter a contest about something irrelevant to the initial theme.

  • Strong imagery and a really excellent piece. Best of luck, and thanks for entering.


  • Addicus
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is good, but it contains some spelling and punctuation errors.

    It is sad, but I like how you described the proses as a harpooning.

  • poetrymd
    April 26
    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    Beautifully written


  • bonjourbunnie
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I like the poem. The topic is interesting and the point of view is also well portrayed.

    However, the format and typographical errors distract from the message that you were trying to get across. An important thing to remember when writing is that we write to speak and to communicate - when those threads of communication are distracted by other things, the message isn't as clear.

    Over all, I enjoyed it. Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • chael
    April 22

    Edit | Reply

    Chills

    I got them when I read this, It's terrifying, and paints a tragic picture. Emotion so heavy it's almost hard to go on. Tremendous write.....chael to this I give a tip of the hat

  • poetrymd
    April 18
    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    so touching I am speechless


  • Heavens Child
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    The imagery is very strong. You pose some very tough questions in a powerful and confronting way. Thank you for entering.

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