Forgotten Birthday Cards

It's late one night, as I rock back and forth in my chair.
I'm old and tired now. I know that I won’t last much longer.
And as I stare out my window and watch the stars glisten;
memories that I have hidden deep in the back of my mind,
start to flood forward and devour my eyes in flashbacks.
I laughed.
These old memories made me smile;
made me remember the good old days.
I wonder why I had repress these memories for so long.
Then I see you.
The father that I never saw.
The man who showed me first hand what is was like
to be a coward and run away from problems you rather not face.
I tried to fight the memories.
I tried to drag them back to where they once came,
back into the deepest part of my mind,
but it's too late.
I already hear your voice,
the voice that I never remember hearing.
You're telling me that you love me and you will never leave.
Then I see you.
I see the face that looks so familiar, but so strange.
I see you walk over to me, and hold me in your arms.
I remember you hugging mommy and telling her that you love her too.
When life had become too much for you to handle,
you walked away from mommy and me.
You lied! You said you would never leave!
And still you have the audacity,
to send me a card every year, saying Happy Birthday!
Why don't you come here and say it my face,
instead of writing it in a card that you and I both know
will find it's home in the trash,
because that is all it is.
Lies, scribbled on a piece of folded paper with a picture,
or a cartoon on the front.
This is what garbage, my garbage, looks like.
I blink my eyes and wake from the dream.
I’m still sitting in the chair, but the stars are gone.
The sky is getting lighter as birds begin to sing their morning songs.
I tried to shake the dreams.
I tried my hardest to return to reality.
The horrible feelings of abandonment finally leaves me.
I know you were scared, for whatever reason it was.
I know you wished you could have be there for mommy and me
So...
Why weren't you?