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~Sixty Seconds to Separation~

 

 

 

The auditorium thick

with people, it was like

trying to wade up stream with

the current rushing against you.

 

 

 

Standing too long in my new

3 1/2 inch heels hurt my feet

and they were getting tighter

by the second.

 

 

 

The music and people were loud;

it was deafening; I felt a headache

coming on and I didn’t want to be

here any longer.

 

 

 

Until someone tapped me on my

shoulder, I looked up and saw

the most gorgeous face I had yet

to see all night.

 

 

 

and oh his smile, his whole

persona was sexy.

 

 

 

Our bodies were pressed

up against one another in the crowd

I felt his response to my closeness.

 

 

 

I inhaled his intoxicating

Pheromones “It has been said that

scents can move emotion” mine were

flying and I saw the same look

in his eyes.

 

 

Our Desires smoldering hot,

talk was the furthest from our

minds, as we gazed into each others

eyes, the world and noise and my hurting

feet seem to fade.

 

 

No thoughts of right or wrong or

rules of lover’s games; just us

Lost in a crowd.

 

 

His kiss came and I welcomed it

A sensual sweep through my lips

like he was testing waters to see

how deep.

 

 

we drew in; our tongues ran slow

and in unison, a deep sensual kiss

that left us both stirring and wanting

more……his mouth made perfectly for

me.

 

 

 

Just then I felt my arm being pulled

through the crowd as it began to move

again, It was my girlfriend.

 

 

 

I looked back and smiled, he had

his hand to his ear, pretending to

have a phone asking for my phone

number.

 

 

 

 

and in that spilt second the crowd

swallowed us up and he was gone.

 

 

I will never know……

 

 

 

Author notes

*~*Prompt*~*

SEPARATION


Written in my own style


Please be kind and comment  and i would gladly return the favor! and if any changes please I M me so i can make changes privately

Blessings


Rend

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Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • moonrays
    August 24
    Edit | Reply

    Beautifully Sexy

    If I made an attempt at writing something like this. Well it sure wouldn't be beautiful. You are oh so talented.


  • jackreed3 gold member
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    That was a beautiful write... I love the heart break.. is so sad... but what scared him off was your girl friend... He was a bad man.. I think... don't worry he took another one home... he he was a good man he would not of left..
    Your friend in poetry... I love lust... but make sure you do it with a friend...

    Your friend in poetry... Jackreed3

  • Topnotchsy
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    You lay out the scene like a master chef, each aspect well thought out, and a work of art in itself.


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That was absolutely beautiful. I could picture it all and wow, you nailed the imagery and the emotion and even the olfactory senses as I could almost smell this stranger's cologne.
    Wow.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


  • chael
    June 16

    Edit | Reply

    Style it is

    You do have a way about you, So dramatically seperate from my style. That' what I like about your work, you take me places i've never been. Tip of the hat to this one.....chael


  • SteveS gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully written. I love this line "A sensual sweep through my lips

    like he was testing waters to see

    how deep." This jarred a memory for me, where something so similar happened once. A primal and romantic moment which was cut down and never reconnected. Yay and blah on those moments. Super write.


  • Swan song gold member
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    MY DEAR IN CAPITAL LETTERS AWESOME!!!!!!! AND A MILLION OF THESE I was saying please don't stop
    but alas even the masters must end their work


  • Cup-a-Joe
    May 5
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    One heck of a night!
    This is a great "what if"
    Joe

    • Hey Joe,

      yes i've had a few of those,
      shucks thank you so much.
      for your comment

      Blessings

      Rend

  • Such a lovely write and a different take on the prompt. It's wonderfully sensual, I wanted more - I get the feeling you did too Such an unfortunate end.


    Thanks for entering.
    Good luck.

    Michelle

    • Hey Michelle.

      yes more would have been good. but sadly it stopped there
      thank you so much for your visit,

      Blessings

      Rend


  • thepoetssoul
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    What are friends for huh Well it sounds like you had some fun.
    This is a wondeful piece of writing, you express you thoughts well
    Thanks for sharing, be blessed in all you do.

    Tony


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 19
      Edit | Reply

      thank you so much for your

      support as always your comments
      are a treasure Tony
      Blessings

      Rend


  • DolceVito gold member
    April 16
    Edit | Reply
    Wondeful write Rend; something similar to that happened to me back in the 80's...Was that you?

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 16
      Edit | Reply

      Vito! really you make me scream!

      I am laughing my _ _ _ off , your comments are really
      funny, in the 80's huh! well thank you my friend its always a
      pleasure to read your comments,

      Blessings always

      Rend

  • Wow, shivers. What a lucky guy that must be to find such a treasure in a crowd, but luck often gains one a chance at something magical. Well conveyed. Very picturesque.

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 16
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you so much for your comment

      and comming by to read, thank you for saying that
      it was a needle in a hay stack, really !! lol


      Blessings

      Rend


  • alivefromlove
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    a very excellent imagery driven poem my friend. as if i were on the dance floor with you. good luck in the contest!


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 15
      Edit | Reply

      Hey Kevin thank you for coming by and

      visiting! yeah! and your comment is as tasty as my fav ice cream
      Blue berry cheesecake!

      Blessings

      Rend


  • Nom de Plume
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    great imagery Rend... sounds like your friend needs a smack up the side of her head fancy taking you away from the man that melts your heart
    blessings

    • when i read your comment, gawd it was so funny, yes a smacking i couldnt do but the thought is funny!! lol


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 15
      Edit | Reply

      Rob, Thank you so much for

      your comment and your support means alot to me
      thank you again,

      Blessings to you always

      Rend


  • Swangrnv gold member
    April 15

    Edit | Reply

    WOW!!!

    All I could think of was, damn!! this has never ever happened to me!!! and i'm that passionate, heart on the sleeve kind that would fearlessly be game..100% this was very much a huge turn on and yes very sensual and exciting! too bad your friend ruin a most memorable possibility.. excellent!

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 15
      Edit | Reply

      I know i was too embaressed to tell

      her what was going on between the wall of bodies between us, I did tell her later, she said i was naughty and I was hehe,
      thank you so much for your comment, your a sweeties for commenting!

      Rend


  • Daizee silver member
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    I love the attenion shown to detail. I like to know exactly what's going on and be able to immerse myself in that image. You did that fantastically. The title grabbed my attention immediately and made me wonder what you were referring to

    I had a dance like this one night.. hot and naughty. Song ended.. never seen him again.. LOL

    Great job on 'separation'

    Love,
    Stacy

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 15
      Edit | Reply

      I was thunder struck! and I moped around for a day

      I kicked my self for not doing something about it and then i thought I did do some thing! oh C'est la vie

      Thank you so much for your precious comment

      Blessings

      Rend


  • Rose Angel gold member
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    You have with your own imagination and your pen captured the true meaning of separation..An original passionate write, dear R... Mom

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 15
      Edit | Reply

      thank you Mom,

      I hope it wasnt too passionate, I tried to tone down
      senuals in my writes, and writing from true life experiences!
      and this one was unforgettable!

      Thank you Mom

      Love

      Rend


  • trekkergirl
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    I do like this... I like the sensual feel to it. I do however, think that the flow is a little off.... not right in some of the stanza's.

    I would check out the stanza with the girlfriend pulling him through the crowd... sounded a little rough to me.

    And the way you described the shoes didn't flow well either. The idea is good... but really do we need to know the height... all we really need know is that your feet were hurting.

    Your imagery though is wonderful and right on. I love the way you described this kiss and meeting. Good write all in all.

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 15
      Edit | Reply

      we were cramed in that place and when every one started

      moving again, all I felt was a hand on my arm,and a pull my girlfriend didnt know what i was doing he he, thank you

      thank you for commenting!
      much apreciated

      Blessings

      Rend

  • Oh man, go back, go back. Wow, I was so into this! Hun, this is my new fav of favs. You did a fabulous job on this. The words, the flow, the imagery, Superb!

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 15
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for being so gracious sis

      your comments and your support mean a lot to me,
      and of course your friendship is the cherry on my pie!

      Love ya

      Blessings

      Rend

  • Wow. You have a really great piece here.

    "The music and people were loud;
    it was deafening; I felt a headache
    coming on and I didn’t want to be
    here any longer until someone tapped
    me on my shoulder.

    I looked up and saw the most gorgeous
    face I had yet to see all night"

    I think I would break that part up like above, I think it reads better, but that is just my opinion.


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      April 15
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you so much for your

      help, your comment means a lot to me,

      Blessings

      Rend

1 - 35 of 35