Darkness swarms me like a warm blanket.
work was a killer today.
I had three people complain it was too hot,
three more say too cold.
Ahh...
sleep is my sanctuary,
my safe haven,
my holy land.
today, i almost lost my job,
I fought with my boyfriend,
and my dog died.
what else could go wrong right?
but Ahhh...
Sleep.
Sleep tells me its almost over.
Tomorrows a new day with new surprises,
Tomorrow i will make more mistakes
Make better choices,
start over again,
have a second first chance.
A contest entry
- I fell in love with your page, I fell in love with you by Angelo di Luce.
480 points, ended April 23, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 5 Options for the Creative Poet (26) by bananasfoster42.
700 points, ended June 18, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
okay, first of did it make sence? and second, well, what is there i could work on?
Comments
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every day brings the chance for something greater!! thanks for the entry!
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i really like have a second first chance. that line is really good.
i thnk you should just leave it there. move the line after it , to before it and end it on that line.
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Well it does make sense, will you fall in love again, tomarrow?
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I definately think this poem does make sense.
I can see what you've tried to incorporate into it, and while I was hesitant when first reading, it continued on and grabbed my attention further.
I might say though, definitely try to use spell check, especially with words such as 'Tomarrow'(tomorrow), 'suprizes'(surprises) and 'santuary'(sanctuary).
Also possibly watch your capitalisations with words that begin a line or stanza. Punctuation can make a lot of difference when reading or even just looking at someones poem.
I must say though, my favourite part of this poem is definately the last stanza and line 19 specifically.
"have a second first chance"
It was just written really well in my opinion.
But yeah just watch your spelling and punctuation, and keep up the good work =]
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