Fact: You never learned how to swim.
Still, when you saw the ocean for the first time,
the look on your face was pure awe.
I drew your fascination into my pores
along with the London fog of your irises,
until I was completely saturated.
You didn't know it, but at that moment
I imagined the two of us might wade out into the surf
until the waves crested above our heads.
Maybe then, you would no longer be able to tell
where the salt from my skin ended, and the ocean began.
Maybe then, I wouldn't have been the only one drowning.
Fact: You are terrified of spiders.
Once, you spotted a life-size photo of a tarantula on the cover of a book.
Eyes clamped shut, you turned your back to the picture.
You stayed that way, fists clenched, unable to move
until I reached out and flipped the book over.
Now I'm the one who's frozen, paralyzed from the heart down,
praying that this damage will mercifully spread to my optic nerves...
I'm finally beginning to understand how you felt that day.
Only there's no one here to help me turn this page.
Fact: You don't walk with a limp, but that doesn't mean you aren't crippled.
Fingers and hearts intertwined, we lay in the backseat of a mustang.
Your breath was gentle against my ear.
"You're my escape, you know. And maybe I'm yours too.
Sometimes, I don't think I'd be able to walk without your help."
I bit my lower lip, hating the guilt in your tone.
My voice was a whisper.
"Maybe if you hadn't been broken so many times,
you wouldn't need a crutch."
See, you were the victim of a hit and run,
your bandages masking a heart with compound fractures.
And I--I was just collateral damage.
Together, we somehow became opium and morphine,
an intoxicating combination that promised fulfillment,
but instead, just ended up creating an addict.
Without my daily fix, my heart begins to pound,
and every moment, it gets harder and harder to breathe.
Sometimes, when I least expect it, I'm overcome
by this irrational fear that I'm going to die.
I know you've felt it too.
The only difference is, while you label it a panic attack,
I just call it loving you.
Fact: The people you hurt the most are also the people you love the most.
It was the end.
You were screaming resentment at me,
punishing me for holding on too tightly.
Stupid girl.
Didn't I know you would never be mine?
You held your words to my temple like a shotgun,
hammer back and poised to fire unless I let you go.
Now, I'm alone; and God,
I wish you would have pulled the trigger.
Author notes
Fact: I never should have let you go.
t a b b y c a t
barbiturate: a drug with sedative and hypnotic effects; overdose can be fatal.
In a list
A contest entry
- prose/free-verse. by aanika.
3012 points, ended May 4, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prose by whiterabbit..
480 points, ended April 20, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prose by HereComesTheSun.
950 points, ended May 26, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
i loved this, it was peaceful and sad at the same time. incredible write!
-
i love how well you did this piece and the style was unique and epic. thanks for entering
ps. epic is my way of saying an awesome thing. -
Very much on the money....
Wow! Very powerful. I like the comparison to addiction. Love is an addiction. From my own experience I can tell you that ending a relationship with a drug results in the same feeling as the end of a relationship with a person.Everything reminds you of them,life seems flat and dead, you forget the bad parts and exaggerate the good moments until that's all you can remember.Then you dissect the love affair to see where it went wrong so you can do it over again and get it right this time.And if you're like me you do it over and over and over again.You said all that and more with this poem.
-
woa.. super intense, gorgeous imagery and figurative language. an amazing poem.
good write =) -
this is possibly the finest piece of work ive ever read on this site, you have boundless talent
-
Maybe then, I wouldn't have been the only one drowning.
that's a punch in the heart right there.
The only difference is, while you label it a panic attack,
I just call it loving you.
mmmmm gorgeous. and the ending is amazing.
thanks for entering! -
I love this poem, especially:
"Fact: You don't walk with a limp, but that doesn't mean you aren't crippled."
♥ sinnocence -
Omg this is amazing! Your so on my favorites!
-
I loved it!
clever, clever.....you innocently pull us in...and
leave us alone with a ...gun!
very well executed!
loved you how you wrote this!
way to write!
ears/Seattle
-
Very accurate in both description and in emotional infliction.
By writing poetic prose such as this, the world may become aware of cause and effect. And perhaps some may even begin to ponder the consequences of their deeds.
Thank you for writing from your soul.
Love
Myra
-
God,
I wish you would have pulled the trigger.
your writing amazes me. but your sadness, makes me want to take you away from it all.
-
this is m y second time here. i still say it is great.
-
i love the last two lines in the first stanza thing. about where the ocean began and your skin ended.and the second stanza thing is amazing. really great imagry.
i really like the way you wrote and situated teis poem.
ohh i reall like the two lines about an intoxicating combination making an adict.
and teh part about i just call it loving you
and screaming resentment at me, great imagry, and unique voice
and the last 4 lines. great punch. wam
-
HMMMM
Majorly intense! I don't quite understand why you structured the write this way, but it works! Nicely done! The title drew me in. It's a grand piece of poetic majesty!
POETDONTKNOWIT
WRITING IT HER OWN WAY
-
omg this is awesome i feel the same way like all the time love u and miss u alot hey um in 2 fact the second paragraph where it says These days, I'm the one who's frozen, helplessly watching as we fall apart.
No matter how hard I try, I can't tear my eyes away.
I'm finally beginning to understand how you felt that day.
did u spell tear wrong cuz that looks like tear idk lol
good write xoxo makana
-
Oh my goodness!
I am overcome with how riveting this is!!!
You nailed it perfectly!!!
I must go now and read more of your writing.
WoW!!! !!!
I cannot tell you a favorite bit as each line is better than the one before.
PEACE
Sheli
-
I am speechless. This is without a doubt one of the best poems I have ever read on AP, of not the hands down best. I am completely in awe of this poem- it has tremendous power, and you have tremendous talent.
-
Wow... I'm speechless. This poem is just so amazing. I love the words you used and how every thing just flowed. I don't have a favorite line because all the lines are my favorite ones. There is a bunch of emotion in this. <333 amazing write.
-
Wow, is this ever powerful!! I love the "facts" of the piece, and each little fragment of personality you've dropped into the mosaic: the ocean, the spiders, the Mustang..... The imagery is fabulous, and your style and form are wonderful.
The final stanza group, though, feels anti-climactic for me. I think it's because most of the piece is present tense, while the end switches to past tense and becomes much less powerful (despite the hard-hitting images). I know you're trying to capture the essence of loss here, but I think the poem would be stronger if it ended at "I just call it loving you."
Whatever you decide to do (or not), I enjoyed reading this, and I wish you the best of luck in the contests.
Great write!
-
holy shit. if all this is true about YOU, im so sorry for you, you must really be in pain. your not the only one though, i understand x
fantastic poem, imagery was superb. an outstanding display of a written emotion. well done x
-
I'm a sucker for good opening lines and endings that grip. That last line is like a knife to the heart...
Love,
Stacy
-
this is a great write.
i love the way you have written it.
and i love these two parts..
"See, you were the victim of a hit and run,
your bandages masking a heart with compound fractures.
And I--I was just collateral damage.
Together, we somehow became opium and morphine,
an intoxicating combination that promised fulfillment,
but instead, just ended up creating an addict. "
&&
"You held your words to my temple like a shotgun,
hammer back and poised to fire unless I let you go.
Now, I'm alone; and God,
I wish you had pulled the trigger. "
-
Wow!
This is a superb write and i enjoyed every bit of it. A broken heart is so relative to all considering that we all have felt the pain at one tine in our lives. SOmetimes its just easier to surrender than continue to fight. Really enjoyed this work and look forward to reading more in the future. this was my favorite line.
"your bandages masking a heart with compound fractures"
-
The only difference is, while you label it a panic attack,
I just call it loving you.
I know panic attacks. I know them well.
I still say that every piece I have read by you speaks so loud of secret love. Something hidden and guilty. Where both want it, but are scared to fully surrender. Love the ending.
-
Fact: This is a hell of a good poem.
I love how you've written it.
It draws you in, keeping you waiting for the next fact.
I really, really enjoyed reading this. -
Very minimalist of you.
-
-
lol you are a dork. But in a good way
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
