Charged by connection
drained on demand
Schizophrenic manipulation
gives arbitrary respite
Memories
(not my own)
connect
filled
re-connect
emptied
Extremes
solitude
slavery
Nourished
only
when
thoroughly
depleted.
Author notes
So much fun! Thanks for the prompt!
A contest entry
- If a Pencil Had a Soul... by Nienna Calmcacil.
600 points, ended May 2, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The iPod is a metaphor for humans? Or is it just a personified iPod? Everyday, I see people tuned into their iPods, oblivious to everything else. It's like an energy generator that feeds them. Personally, I don't much care for it.
But to your poem-like you told me, and someone had told me before, the shorter you can make your poem, but the more potent, the better. And that's how your poem is: concise and powerful.
I think you can improve on the flow.
"emptied
Extremes
solitude
slavery"
This part seems disjunctive.
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That section you mentioned - I'm not so thrilled with it either - but when I had 'Extremes of solitude and slavery' as a complete line, it seemed to fall out of place with the rest. Grr. I'll have to think on that one a bit more. Thanks for the feedback - now I know it's not just me who that line sat funny with.
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Wow. That left me with a lot to think about. Good job. I love my iPod...so I could connect with it.
Thank you for your excellent entry. -
was just thinkin this morning
how my mp3 player keeps me plugged in
its like a musical IV
and I donno what I did without it
ok I know, this is a pencil with a soul
but the title brought that thoughtstream back
kinda like the pencil/iPod connection though -
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I had my iPod for two years before I stopped to incorporate it into my life. It was a gift - a surprise - and I felt like, "What can this crap do that I can't accomplish with my walk-man/disc-man and my audio cassette recorder?" Now that I'm into it I don't leave home without it.
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