and the silence was so complete
unbearable...
yet that's what she wanted
it's what she wished for...what she craved!
he was gone...
and she was okay? she was okay!?!
no! she wasn't okay!
but isn't it what she'd wanted?
Maybe she wanted to feel this way
maybe she hated being okay...
feeling good...
living fully....
maybe she hated it...
or maybe she dint know what she wanted
and she gambled with her love
to feel what?
emptiness...
she told them before it started
that she was not the person for him...and he wasn't for her
he couldn't take care of her
how could he, when she couldn't even take care of herself?
but then it seemed like a good idea...
to get over the past...move on to the future
a future with him...
she didn't know why she ended it with him
was it because she was scared?
but scared of what exactly...?
commitment...love...her own feelings betraying her...?
was it because of her past?
her past that never seemed to go away...
that past always ended up jumping out from behind new things
new things that made her hope for a better future...
then deceived her by threatening her with her own past...her own secrets...
"why do things have to be this way?"
she asks herself every night
"These scars will always be here reminding me of what I was...what I am!?!
and he wont be here...no one will be here to catch me when i fall
when i make my final fall...and then what? what will happen?"
"it doesn't matter...hes not here"
nothing matters now that he's gone
nothing at all...
and why should it?
he was her everything...and now shes nothing...without him...she is nothing
nothing at all matters...
so now what...?
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