Badly-fitting-half-hearted drunken attempts
at adolescent chemistry experiments
blindly led to show and tell;
intoxication
born from primeval madness.
Little arrows catapulted into the middle distance
created constantly changing cameos
free with tailor-made expectations;
reality in the tense of future perfect
shades of cerise with glowing rosy tones.
Climbing the slippery pole of contentment
where any criticism gets the middle finger,
boundless swathes of flesh
turned all too soon
to shards of collective catastrophe.
A quick fumble can
if you’ve never known anything else
feel an awful lot
like love.
Author notes
In Roman mythology Cupid is the god of erotic love frequently shown shooting his bow to inspire romantic love but is also invoked as fickle, playful, and perverse.
True love or simple animal lust? Sometimes we can’t, or just don’t want to see the difference, and can mistake self serving interest for genuine and lasting affection.
Points of reference:
Primeval madness (In Greek mythology Cupid is known as Eros the primordial god of lust)
Little arrows (one set gold-headed, which inspires love; and the other lead-headed, which inspires hatred.)
A contest entry
- X Factor 2: Top 24 Final Auditions - Group A by sideways hourglass.
400 points, ended April 23, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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love...ou write beautifully and meaning ful...love it
v deep
Please take a look at my poems and commet would mean the world to me x -
true love is sacrifice
period
doesn't means you can't be a pervert
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I really don't have to much criticism on this poem becuase I love it.. It catches the eye quite well.. the way you potryed cupid was amazing not so romantic like many others would preceive him to be..
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I liked a lot of the images in this write because they each gave a little more than just an image, but an image that inspires an emotion without needing tell-tale word prompting.
However, I thought that they were weighed down with a lot of excess adjectives, such as collors and extra descriptive words when parallellism, meiosis, oxymoron and other types of poetic devices would have charged the poem a great deal more.
Originality 8/10
Creativity/Poetic device 8/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 8/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 9/10
Cohesion 8/10
Emotion/personality/edge 8/10
Impact/Reaction 7/10
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 4/5
syntax: 5/5
Title: 3/5
overall opinion: 4/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5
Total: 82 -
The ending was executed well. I wasn't to fond of the consistent word usage of the same letter. You did a good job at this. I thought that maybe some of your stanzas could have been broken up more. for example.
"Badly-fitting-half-hearted drunken attempts
at adolescent chemistry experiments
blindly led to show and tell ;
intoxication.
born from primeval madness."
(just for my outcome)
Originality 8/10
Creativity/Poetic device 7/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 7/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 9/10
Cohesion 8/10
Emotion/personality/edge 8/10
Impact/Reaction 7/10
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 4/5
Title: 3/5
overall opinion: 4/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5
Total: 80 -
good luck!
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"Badly-fitting-half-hearted drunken attempts
at adolescent chemistry experiments" i LOVE that line.
I agree with your author notes too. There is NO love at first site. Love, to me, comes from finding out that person is what you want...anything visual is purely sexual...and like you say...lustful. -
I agree with Tyler; the alliteration bothered me in some spots. You used a lot of big vocabulary words which is fine but they should probably be more balanced because in spots it turns into a tongue twister rather than a smooth read. One such spot: "created constantly changing cameos".
I really liked the image of "boundless swathes of flesh", and the ending was pretty neat too. I think there should be commas or parentheses separating "if you've never known anything else" there, though. That would help the structure.
Originality 9/10
Creativity/Poetic device 8/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 10/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 8/10 - some spots were slightly bare, while others were overloaded with imagery
Cohesion 8/10
Emotion/personality/edge 8/10
Impact/Reaction 7/10
mechanics: 4/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 3/5 - I think you should relax alliteration usage
Title: 4/5 - a little corny
overall opinion: 3/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5
Total: 82
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80
This felt a bit heavy with the adjectives and forced alliterations, which interfered with the basic images to develop the metaphors; but it's good (overall).
Originality 8/10
Creativity/Poetic device 7/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 9/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 7/10
Cohesion 9/10
Emotion/personality/edge 8/10
Impact/Reaction 7/10
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 4/5
syntax: 3/5
Title: 5/5
overall opinion: 3/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5
Total: 80
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